This book was so multi layered and it kept revealing more and more.
The author is so brave writing this book. It is horrifying at times.

Due to a sudden, unexpected passing in the family a few years ago and another more recently and my subsequent (mental) health issues stemming from that, I was unable to download this book in time to review it before it was archived as I did not visit this site for several years after the bereavements. This meant I didn't read or venture onto netgalley for years as not only did it remind me of that person as they shared my passion for reading, but I also struggled to maintain interest in anything due to overwhelming depression. I was therefore unable to download this title in time and so I couldn't give a review as it wasn't successfully acquired before it was archived. The second issue that has happened with some of my other books is that I had them downloaded to one particular device and said device is now defunct, so I have no access to those books anymore, sadly.

This means I can't leave an accurate reflection of my feelings towards the book as I am unable to read it now and so I am leaving a message of explanation instead. I am now back to reading and reviewing full time as once considerable time had passed I have found that books have been helping me significantly in terms of my mindset and mental health - this was after having no interest in anything for quite a number of years after the passings. Anything requested and approved will be read and a review written and posted to Amazon (where I am a Hall of Famer & Top Reviewer), Goodreads (where I have several thousand friends and the same amount who follow my reviews) and Waterstones (or Barnes & Noble if the publisher is American based). Thank you for the opportunity and apologies for the inconvenience.

Debora Harding's Dancing with the Octopus was an interesting, albeit unfocussed, look into how small, everyday, accepted traumas can often cause more harm than something outside of the bounds of social acceptability. Like, yes, the rapist hurt her but ultimately, her family hurt her more and being able to come to that conclusion is only a testament to Harding's amazing strength.

“Fate doesn’t arrive with a personal name, but we make our fates personal by our response to life’s most challenging events”

Debora Harding was just fourteen, when she was abducted at knife-point, thrown into a van, assaulted, held for ransom, and left to die one Omaha winter day in 1978. The most horrendous thing about that though, it wasn't the most traumatic thing that happened to her as a child.
This book came from a hard place in Debora’s life. As a grown woman she was struggling to come to terms with what she had experienced from not only when she was 14 but also from dealing with the emotional and physical trauma she was dealt with at the hands of her mother, as her father stood by and supported her. Written and handled very delicately, to portray such an incredible story must have been so hard but it’s such an incredible tool for her to use to deal with everything. She hasn't written it so that she sounds like a victim and I found it quite reflective and made me wonder about what I would have done in her shoes, I can’t imagine I would have been as strong.
Split across two timelines it helped build up to the childhood that she had, how her life had progressed around the abuse she received at home and through her attack, alongside her adult life as she marries and starts her family and tries to move on with her life and comes to writing this book. The one thing that is constant throughout her life was the love that she had for her father despite him standing up for her mother, and that love is what kept her alive back in 1978. Watching her relationship with her parents wane over the years was tough to see but necessary and what she does to protect her mental health is astounding.
Despite the subject of the book, the pacing was easy to read and follow and I managed to finish it in a day. A must read for any true crime fan and those who enjoy a survivor story.
TW: child abuse, kidnapping, mental illness, suicidal thoughts, rape and sexual abuse, alcoholism, racism, dementia, physical and mental abuse.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for gifting me a copy in exchange for an honest review.

This is a interesting memoir; it's complex and non-linear, pursuing several strands, and backs away from simple or easy conclusions. Harding neither entirely villainises or indicts her attacker or her parents, despite their damaging relation of abuser and enabler. Instead, she works through her traumas and the ways they intersect in her . personal psyche and impacted throughout her life. This is an excellent book, far from a standard memoir with a straightforward arc of recovery and overcoming, although those elements are present. The tension between past and present, between damage inflicted by a stranger and damage inflicted by family is as non-linear as PTSD itself, with its insistent return to the moment of traumatisation.

Debora at the age of 14 was walking home when her life was viciously interrupted, she was abducted, she was raped and then she was left in the cold to die. I’d like to say this was the only bad thing to happen to her, it was probably the worst but her childhood and path to adulthood wasn’t easy.

Debora shares her life with us, she shares her dysfunctional upbringing, her very difficult relationship with her mother, her love for her father despite him protecting her mother and her path to becoming a parent herself.

It is poignant, it is harrowing and sometimes it is down right upsetting but Debora brings a wonderful narrative to it, sometime a little bit of humour pokes through this very dark journey, a definite must read.

Thanks to Net Galley for providing me with a copy in exchange for an honest review.

When I first saw this book, I didn't realise just how raw and impactful this story was going to be. To go through terrible trauma and not only confront the perpetrators but also accept her experiences, takes masses of courage. She told her story truthfully, but also full of compassion and reflection.

This definitely wasn't an easy read and I had to put it down a few times to absorb what I had read, but after finishing it I have this strong, fulfilled, and uplifting feeling. Debora's writing style is so eloquent and emotional, it's hard not to get touched by her story.

Deborah's story is one that will stay with me for a long time. Her extreme bravery and openness are great examples of how we deal with things as humans. Her writing is clear yet full of emotion, the narrative structure is presented in a well thought out way that keeps giving the more you read it.

Thank you Deborah for putting your story into the world.

Dancing With the Octopus is a gripping look at how trauma affects our lives, from childhood to adulthood, inside and outside of the home. I had not heard this story before and was unaware of a key part of the narrative going on. And so, I found it compelling as Harding's experiences with her kidnapper and with her home life began to overlap. I was initially troubled by the timelines, but as the story unfolded I found the shots in narrative time necessary. It's a clever way of understanding Harding's experience as she came to review it -- timelines move and shift in her head as memories unfold, and perspectives shift. This was such an interesting look at crime and the criminal, forgiveness and regret, family, stoicism and boundary-setting, and ultimately deciding paths forward that are the healthiest for those overcoming trauma and pain. Thank you for the opportunity to read.

In this innovative memoir, Deborah Harding examines trauma and its lasting impact.
When she was 14, Harding was abducted at knifepoint, assaulted and left to die. She shifts between the past and present to tell the story of this traumatic 4 hours, along side the story of growing up with her abusive mother. She examines the impact of each of these things on her life, her choices as an adult and her mental health.
Though I have read other memoirs which cover similar topics to Dancing with the Octopus, I found this one unique. Harding's choice to tell the story in a non-linear fashion gives a real insight into the way a trauma you thought long gone can affect your later life and your family relationships. The story of her mothers behaviour is sad but Harding discusses with great insight, intelligence and compassion the effects it had on her family, and especially on her relationship with her father, who turned a blind eye to the abuse.
Harding also writes about her abductor, and how in an attempt to deal with the trauma as an adult she seeks restorative justice. I found her bravery in this section of the book awe inspiring.
At times heartbreaking, this memoir is an absolute must read

Dancing With The Octopus is a quite stunning book by Debora Harding that tells how her already traumatic young life at the hands of an abusive Mother saw,in her words,the end of her childhood at the age of 14 when she was kidnapped , raped and left to die by a stranger. Even just after the rape Debora's Mother's sociopathic behaviour left her without support,sympathy or empathy when she most needed it, then and for the rest of her life. The rapist is found and convicted but as a child Debora is spared a court appearance. With her Father playing the good guy but doing nothing the Mother's reign of terror against Debora and her sisters wrecks lives and leaves emotional scars. With PTSD and other mental disorders plaguing Debora even when she's happily married with 2 children of her own Debora tries to bring closure to both of the issues in her life that have caused her so much damage,all this incredibly while being very successful in a variety of career paths.
While still addressing the problems her Mother has caused Debora decides that she needs to face her rapist and tell him what damage he's caused to her and her family despite the attack being 25 years previous to and her not even knowing his name.
The latter part of the book concentrates on Debora's attempts to get both of her tormentors to acknowledge what they've done and to address their behaviour, so she can find closure.
The book is raw , hard-hitting and at times heart-breaking as Debora describes herself left alone thinking she'll die after the attack with only the thought of her Dad's love for her keeping her from giving up. This is all the more poignant as her school photo is shown, a photo that was taken a couple of hours before her ordeal when she had no idea what was ahead.
Debora also tells of, losing her belief in God after the attack, something a neighbour of mine told me off after she'd been an Army nurse and one of the first people into Belsen after its liberation.
This is not an easy read because of the subject matter but Debora is a very eloquent narrator and tells her story without embellishment or self-pity .
An often harrowing reading but ultimately an up-lifting one.

Thanks to Debora Harding ,Serpent's Tail/Profile Books and Netgalley for an ARC in return for an honest review.

At the age of fourteen the Author was abducted. This is her memoir of growing up in her dysfunctional family before and after and her reconciliation of the crime. A sad look at what goes on behind closed doors and the ultimate family estrangement. Mental health issues and stereotypes of both sexes is central to the story. Definitely worth a read.

Copy provided by the Publisher and NetGalley