Thank you Netgalley and the publisher for the gifted copy of How we do family.
I enjoyed this books for the perspectives it brought on adoption and pregnancy, as well as the representation of a trans family. It was an interesting and quick read.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for giving me a free advanced copy of this book to read and enjoy.

Thank you to Netgalley and the book’s publisher, The Experiment Publishing, for an advanced reader’s copy. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.

This is a unique book. It is the story of a transgender man in a homosexual relationship who adopt children through kinship placement. On top of parenting adopted children, this couple have a biological child. Details of societal issues during the pregnancy and birthing are well done. This did a great job opening my eyes to the challenges of a transgender individual. If you are looking for a book to enlighten you on details of the life of a LGBTQ couple, this book may be for you.

What an inspiring story! The memoir was well writing and the people involved are truly an inspiration.

A little preachy at times, and not applicable to all queer family makeups, but this story is still a valuable one to add to the growing list of queer memoirs and nonfiction titles I own. I'm so glad publishers are acknowledging that families of all types deserve to have their stories told.

I want to first thank The Experiment and NetGalley for giving me access to this book for free in exchange for an honest review.

(Note: Due to life events, I was not able to post this review immediately after finishing the book.)

I deeply appreciated the honestly that the reader feels from Trystan. He is open about the mistakes he made in thoughts, words, and actions. And, as he himself points out, people who are part of minority groups that face discrimination often feel the pressure to be perfect so as to not give 'people' further ammunition to attack them. So, his bravery to include the bad along with the good is amazing. But, I think it also makes it a better book because it doesn't try to hide the truth - which I think is important.

I liked the format of each chapter. How it focused in on the next overall step in the process - which kept the story moving linearly, but also gave it shape, making it easier to follow and understand. I thought it was great that at the end of each chapter he included his thoughts about what he learned and advise he feels could be helpful to others.

I've recommended this book already to some people and will continue to do so.

We mostly have Trystan Reese to thank for the existence of the pregnant man emoji. A community organizer who works on anti-racist and LGBTQ justice campaigns, Reese is a trans man married to a man named Biff. They expanded their family in two unexpected ways: first by adopting Biff’s niece and nephew when his sister’s situation of poverty and drug abuse meant she couldn’t take care of them, and then by getting pregnant in the natural (is that even the appropriate word?) way.

All along, Reese sought to be transparent about the journey, with a crowdfunding project and podcast ahead of the adoption, and media coverage of the pregnancy. This opened the family up to a lot of online hatred. I found myself most interested in the account of the pregnancy itself, and how it might have healed or exacerbated a sense of bodily trauma. Reese was careful to have only in-the-know and affirming people in the delivery room so there would be no surprises for anyone. His doctor was such an ally that he offered to create a more gender-affirming C-section scar (vertical rather than horizontal) if it came to it. How to maintain a sense of male identity while giving birth? Well, Reese told Biff not to look at his crotch during the delivery, and decided not to breastfeed.

I realized when reading this and Detransition, Baby that my view of trans people is mostly post-op because of the only trans person I know personally, but a lot of people choose never to get surgical confirmation of gender (or maybe surgery is more common among trans women?). We’ve got to get past the obsession with genitals. As Reese writes, “we are just loving humans, like every human throughout all of time, who have brought a new life into this world. Nothing more than that, and nothing less. Just humans.”

This is a very fluid, quick read. The author recreates scenes and conversations with aplomb, and there are self-help sections after most chapters about how to be flexible and have productive dialogue within a family and with strangers. If literary prose and academic-level engagement with the issues are what you’re after, you’ll want to head to Maggie Nelson’s The Argonauts instead, but I also appreciated Reese’s unpretentious firsthand view.

(And here’s further evidence of my own bias: the whole time I was reading, I felt sure that Reese must be the figure on the right with reddish hair, since that looked like a person who could once have been a woman. But when I finished reading I looked up photos; there are many online of Reese during pregnancy. And NOPE, he is the bearded, black-haired one! That’ll teach me to make assumptions.) (3.5 stars)

How We Do Family by Trystan Reese is a truly amazing account of an unusual family. The journey to parenthood and a different lifestyle was an impressive read.

I requested this book in NetGalley without realizing that I *knew* this story from and awful press piece from 2017. But now, thanks to this arc, I got to know this story from the perspectives of one of its participants, without the press biases.
The author, a trans man, tells the story of his family, since he met the love of his life, the process of adoption of his husband's niece and nephew, and his pregnancy.
It's a really interesting book, like a glimpse into realities that may not be familiar for a lot of us, and makes you learn a lot about empathy and, above everything, about love.
On the other side, it's really well written, and it's really entertaining to read—I couldn't put it down, and I've been a really slow reader lately.
So, I recommend it for anyone who wants an honest, real, sometimes a little brutal but mostly heartwarming read about "unconventional" families and love.

An honest and open (the pregnancy and birth section is very honest and open, raw, even) book that will hopefully draw people in (not least with the charming family portrait on the front) and explain a few things to people who need it explaining - not least that a loving family is a loving family; love is love, whatever it might look like.

This was a very quick and easy read. Trystan speaks openly and clearly about the challenges faced as transgender man deciding to both adopt a family and later give birth. His narrative is interspersed with tips and advice that are clear and informative.

At times I found the tone of the book to be somewhat self-righteous. While the chapters on pregnancy were well written and interesting they were written as if he was the only person to ever feel the way he did. I found it off putting that he gave no acknowledgement or credit to the fact that women experience PMS amd childbirth all the time.

I recommend this book to anyone. Especially those looking to better understand transgender concerns and terminology.

Thank you to NetGalley and the Publisher for an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

I have been following Trystan on social media for a few years. I was initially drawn in by my curiosity about trans pregnancy, but soon came to admire both him and Biff for their candor, honesty and overwhelming love for their family. Of course, I had to read, "How We Do Family".

As with so many LGBTQIA topics, this is a book is long overdue and I applaud Trystan and his family for sharing their story. It is both a detailed memoir and a informational guide to relationships and parenting. Trystan and Biff lives are no less than extraordinary.

While reading the book, you feel as though you are sitting across from Trystan, listening to him relate cherished memories of how he and Biff met, fell in love, married and had a family. But things were far from simple or easy and the difficulties that they experienced are not glossed over. Homophobia and transphobia are so ugly. Goodness shall prevail-my favorite part of the book is the adoption of their niece and nephew and how the children have flourished!
I hope people realize how selfless and brave one must be to write a book like this. No doubt it will trigger harassment of this amazing family. It is my hope that that "How We Do Family" will not only assist trans people in starting their own families, but that it will enlighten those that live in fear and ignorance.

I used to follow Trystan Reese's YouTube (he hasn't posted in a while) and currently follow him on instagram, so I had some background with this family. However, this book was a delightful read that gave a greater glimpse into the emotions and experiences surrounding Reese's journey through marriage, adoption, pregnancy, birth, and parenting. This book was easy to read and I loved the additional comments at the end of each chapter giving support for growing advocacy and allyship. What is the most startling thing in reading this book is again realizing how similar life experiences can be - the day to day grind of parenting and chores and working - but how the different parents of our individual identities (as an adoptive parent or as transgender) can add layers of nuance to these day to day experiences.

Thank you netgalley for providing an ARC in exchange for a review.

A very touching story about creating a family when you're a trans man in a gay relationship.
A very good book for trans people, but also for cis people who want to educate themselves (and a book written by a trans person is usually a way better option than a book written by a cis person).
Even tho I do not want kids, I found it really empowering to read about a trans man and his pregnancy. I did cry several times

A quick read, emotional and honest, and a beautiful view into a loving family.

I went into this read having not followed at the time the news/media surrounding Trystan's public discussion of being pregnant as a man, but in my own life being closely aware of trans issues. Overall, this book deals in an approachable and relatable way with these and other topics, without requiring prior knowledge (the inclusion of label definitions is always appreciated!), but is also interesting and engaging for those with knowledge of these topics.

I spent moments of my read absolutely giddy - love and hope absolutely shine through the pages. And I spent moments trying desperately not to cry - because sometimes the world has bad things in it. This book brings you right into each moment, without sugarcoating or flourishing needlessly.

This was a relatively short/fast read, divided into digestible chunks. It was easy to read quickly, but also easy to take a break between chapters to consider the topics engaged with in each section.

A couple of cons for me:
- There were some jumps in the timeline in earlier chapters that had me a bit confused about what had or hadn't happened yet - especially because the vast majority is told chronologically.
- I wasn't completely sold on the 'Recommendations' set out between chapters. I was expecting more of a pure memoir, but between each chapter there are some outlined suggestions tying into each chapter's topic (parenting, support, activism, etc). They weren't bad suggestions, I just found it a bit jarring the way they were outlined in such a different style from the rest of each chapter.

Thanks to NetGalley & the publisher for access to the eBook ARC.

Poignant memoir of a the making of a family. Well written, went though it quickly as I wanted to read the full story.

Thank you Netgalley for this ARC.

This was a pretty basic memoir with direct prose and not a lot of style points in the writing, but the direct, easy-to-read style worked well with Trystan's story.

I confess, I picked this up because there is some level of gawker/rubbernecking at "pregnant men," and I was interested in learning and reading more from a first person perspective. Guess what? Partnerships and parenting and pregnancy are pretty universal, no matter who is having them, and that's kind of the point, isn't it? I especially liked the chapter interludes that were part therapist, part cheerleader.

If you're a homophobe or transphobe, you likely won't pick up this book. But if you DO, you'll find nothing but gentleness and continued reminders of the humanity and sameness of all people. And maybe that's the point.

A reassuring affirmation that family is family is family.

This book was so cute and wholesome. There is homophobia, transphobia, child abuse and intimate partner abuse mentioned but most of it is left vague enough so as not to be triggering.

I didn't expect a memoir of some guy I don't know anything about to make me so....emotional? But it did and it was bliss.
This was is a captivating story of love and family and also a really important story about one man's experience as a trans parent and pregnant person. Honestly, I could not put it down. I'm not a parent, but i thought it was cool how he mixed parenting advice and important notes about language and LGBTQ+ terminology with the stories he shares. While it can definitely be difficult to find balance between sharing children's stories and protecting their privacy, this seemed to strike a nice balance. At several times in the book,I found myself crying some happy tears and also some sad.

I have seen trans men on TV, but always like a sideshow event--'other'. This story humanizes trans men who are pregnant, gives language to use and brings you along on the truly beautiful crazy path of becoming family--in all the different ways. I think this story is important and captivating and absolutely worth reading ASAP!

I cannot begin to express how much I loved this book!! I’ve known of Trystan and Biff for a few years, and it was awesome to hear their story! More queer representation is always good, and this story is one that gives a much-needed perspective for the queer community!!