How We Do Family

Five Stars! I could not put this book down! I read it in less than a day. This will be one of the books that I will never forget and will recommend to others.

Trystan’s writing style had an easy flow and it felt like he was talking to a friend. He told stories about his family and relationship while providing advice that anyone can benefit from. He definitely gave me a lot of things to think about in my life – how I parent, have a relationship, listen to others, be a friend, etc. There were so many great lessons!

I also learned a lot about what it means to be transgender and some of the obstacles he has had to face. I remember reading the article about the man having a baby a few years ago but this book was an amazing way to learn more about the challenges Trystan faced in order to deliver his son. It also provided me guidance as to how I should talk to transgender people about certain topics – very thought provoking.

I volunteer in child welfare and enjoyed reading about Tystan and Biff’s journey to foster and adopt their niece and nephew.

I plan to recommend this book to some many people. There are lessons in here for high schools students, recent college grads, new parents, foster parents, people who want to learn about transgender, the list goes on and on….

Buy the book, you won’t be disappointed.

I received an advanced copy of this ebook from Net Galley in exchange for my honest review.

Overall, a really educational and interesting read.

The writing was nice and easy to follow, it mainly consisted of personal anecdotes which could be applied to many situations. Each page was necessary, there was no 'filler' content in this book - there is so much to be learned here; regardless of age or identity.

I would recommend for anyone endeavouring to learn more about the LGBT community / further educate themselves on trans issues.

Many thanks to NetGallery for providing me with an ARC in exchange for an honest review :)

Trystan Reese could have written a great novel, instead he has given his readers a fascinating account of life with his husband and the their three children. It was a wonderful story to read, devoid of any unnecessary drama; just a factual telling of his experiences that at the same time manages to be full of heart.

Both Biff and Trystan have a background in organizing, community building, social work and anti-racism and pro-lgbtq outreach and education. As such they are intelligent, caring people heavily involved in their community, which helped a lot when they suddenly took in two foster children and were thrown into the deep end of parenthood over night.

Trystan talks honestly about the challenges they had to face and what a strain was put on their relationship. He also shows how they managed to overcome these difficulties. Each chapter has a section at the end with additional information or helpful suggestions which I found helpful and often inspiring.

Personally, I don't blink an eye at gay and transgender parenthood, although I am aware that this may be a new perspective for many readers - I actually hope so. MY favorite part of the book were the chapters that dealt with Trystan's pregnancy. It took me completely by surprise (this is where I see I need to keep reading and learning) and to be able to see a man go through pregnancy was fascinating. Pregnancy is the one thing ordinarily,that a woman simply can't explain to her male partner.

I also appreciated the parenting choices Trystan describes for all three of their children. It's a goal to reach for in the parenting of my own children.

This is a book for LGBTQ+ readers, those interested in social justice, parents, couples, teens and everyone else. I can't recommend this book enough for the joy of reading this family's story, the information it shares and the inspiration it provides. I will definitely keep coming back to this book.

As a trans person, I have a hard time imagining my future. Their are so few examples of trans adults who are happy with a family. We are constantly fed this cishet family ideal and it makes it hard for people like me to find how we fit into that. This book really helped be able to picture a future family for myself.

So yes, I have just pulled a all nighter (1-4am) to read this book like honestly I wasn't able to put it down man.

It really shows how much your “average Joe soap” couple here were able to overcome the challenges they faced throughout their time being together. They were able to adopt two children through unfortunate circumstances with their mother, they suffered a miscarriage (cried buckets while reading this part btw), suffered backlash from trolls online when they were expecting their first birth child, you name it. It just is such a captivating real life story that I advise everyone should take a read at and I’m talking about people who are planning to adopt or have a child of their own. We have to take into account though that every couple of course, is different on how they plan their own lives. Trystan and Biff are no different!

If you are a reader real life lifestyle stories, I highly suggest you take a look at this book as you would learn a thing or two from this family regardless of their background!!

Trystan and Biff did an excellent job of explaining transgender terms that didn't seem condescending or fake. I knew most of them but was even educated about others.

I want to work in child welfare in the future and enjoyed reading about Trystan and Biff’s journey to foster and adopt their niece and nephew. I plan to recommend this book to some many people. There are lessons in here for high schools students, recent college grads, new parents, foster parents, people who want to learn about transgender, the list goes on and on….

I enjoyed and envied reading about their careers in social justice topics as well as balancing the rigors of being public figures and parenting traumatized children.

Def 5 stars for me.

I cannot begin to express how much I loved this book!! I’ve known of Trystan and Biff for a few years, and it was awesome to hear their story! More queer representation is always good, and this story is one that gives a much-needed perspective for the queer community!!

I didn't expect a memoir of some guy I don't know anything about to make me so....emotional? But it did and it was bliss.
This was is a captivating story of love and family and also a really important story about one man's experience as a trans parent and pregnant person. Honestly, I could not put it down. I'm not a parent, but i thought it was cool how he mixed parenting advice and important notes about language and LGBTQ+ terminology with the stories he shares. While it can definitely be difficult to find balance between sharing children's stories and protecting their privacy, this seemed to strike a nice balance. At several times in the book,I found myself crying some happy tears and also some sad.

I have seen trans men on TV, but always like a sideshow event--'other'. This story humanizes trans men who are pregnant, gives language to use and brings you along on the truly beautiful crazy path of becoming family--in all the different ways. I think this story is important and captivating and absolutely worth reading ASAP!

This book was so cute and wholesome. There is homophobia, transphobia, child abuse and intimate partner abuse mentioned but most of it is left vague enough so as not to be triggering.

Poignant memoir of a the making of a family. Well written, went though it quickly as I wanted to read the full story.

Thank you Netgalley for this ARC.

A quick read, emotional and honest, and a beautiful view into a loving family.

I went into this read having not followed at the time the news/media surrounding Trystan's public discussion of being pregnant as a man, but in my own life being closely aware of trans issues. Overall, this book deals in an approachable and relatable way with these and other topics, without requiring prior knowledge (the inclusion of label definitions is always appreciated!), but is also interesting and engaging for those with knowledge of these topics.

I spent moments of my read absolutely giddy - love and hope absolutely shine through the pages. And I spent moments trying desperately not to cry - because sometimes the world has bad things in it. This book brings you right into each moment, without sugarcoating or flourishing needlessly.

This was a relatively short/fast read, divided into digestible chunks. It was easy to read quickly, but also easy to take a break between chapters to consider the topics engaged with in each section.

A couple of cons for me:
- There were some jumps in the timeline in earlier chapters that had me a bit confused about what had or hadn't happened yet - especially because the vast majority is told chronologically.
- I wasn't completely sold on the 'Recommendations' set out between chapters. I was expecting more of a pure memoir, but between each chapter there are some outlined suggestions tying into each chapter's topic (parenting, support, activism, etc). They weren't bad suggestions, I just found it a bit jarring the way they were outlined in such a different style from the rest of each chapter.

Thanks to NetGalley & the publisher for access to the eBook ARC.

Thank you netgalley for providing an ARC in exchange for a review.

A very touching story about creating a family when you're a trans man in a gay relationship.
A very good book for trans people, but also for cis people who want to educate themselves (and a book written by a trans person is usually a way better option than a book written by a cis person).
Even tho I do not want kids, I found it really empowering to read about a trans man and his pregnancy. I did cry several times

I have been following Trystan on social media for a few years. I was initially drawn in by my curiosity about trans pregnancy, but soon came to admire both him and Biff for their candor, honesty and overwhelming love for their family. Of course, I had to read, "How We Do Family".

As with so many LGBTQIA topics, this is a book is long overdue and I applaud Trystan and his family for sharing their story. It is both a detailed memoir and a informational guide to relationships and parenting. Trystan and Biff lives are no less than extraordinary.

While reading the book, you feel as though you are sitting across from Trystan, listening to him relate cherished memories of how he and Biff met, fell in love, married and had a family. But things were far from simple or easy and the difficulties that they experienced are not glossed over. Homophobia and transphobia are so ugly. Goodness shall prevail-my favorite part of the book is the adoption of their niece and nephew and how the children have flourished!
I hope people realize how selfless and brave one must be to write a book like this. No doubt it will trigger harassment of this amazing family. It is my hope that that "How We Do Family" will not only assist trans people in starting their own families, but that it will enlighten those that live in fear and ignorance.

I used to follow Trystan Reese's YouTube (he hasn't posted in a while) and currently follow him on instagram, so I had some background with this family. However, this book was a delightful read that gave a greater glimpse into the emotions and experiences surrounding Reese's journey through marriage, adoption, pregnancy, birth, and parenting. This book was easy to read and I loved the additional comments at the end of each chapter giving support for growing advocacy and allyship. What is the most startling thing in reading this book is again realizing how similar life experiences can be - the day to day grind of parenting and chores and working - but how the different parents of our individual identities (as an adoptive parent or as transgender) can add layers of nuance to these day to day experiences.

An honest and open (the pregnancy and birth section is very honest and open, raw, even) book that will hopefully draw people in (not least with the charming family portrait on the front) and explain a few things to people who need it explaining - not least that a loving family is a loving family; love is love, whatever it might look like.

I requested this book in NetGalley without realizing that I *knew* this story from and awful press piece from 2017. But now, thanks to this arc, I got to know this story from the perspectives of one of its participants, without the press biases.
The author, a trans man, tells the story of his family, since he met the love of his life, the process of adoption of his husband's niece and nephew, and his pregnancy.
It's a really interesting book, like a glimpse into realities that may not be familiar for a lot of us, and makes you learn a lot about empathy and, above everything, about love.
On the other side, it's really well written, and it's really entertaining to read—I couldn't put it down, and I've been a really slow reader lately.
So, I recommend it for anyone who wants an honest, real, sometimes a little brutal but mostly heartwarming read about "unconventional" families and love.

We mostly have Trystan Reese to thank for the existence of the pregnant man emoji. A community organizer who works on anti-racist and LGBTQ justice campaigns, Reese is a trans man married to a man named Biff. They expanded their family in two unexpected ways: first by adopting Biff’s niece and nephew when his sister’s situation of poverty and drug abuse meant she couldn’t take care of them, and then by getting pregnant in the natural (is that even the appropriate word?) way.

All along, Reese sought to be transparent about the journey, with a crowdfunding project and podcast ahead of the adoption, and media coverage of the pregnancy. This opened the family up to a lot of online hatred. I found myself most interested in the account of the pregnancy itself, and how it might have healed or exacerbated a sense of bodily trauma. Reese was careful to have only in-the-know and affirming people in the delivery room so there would be no surprises for anyone. His doctor was such an ally that he offered to create a more gender-affirming C-section scar (vertical rather than horizontal) if it came to it. How to maintain a sense of male identity while giving birth? Well, Reese told Biff not to look at his crotch during the delivery, and decided not to breastfeed.

I realized when reading this and Detransition, Baby that my view of trans people is mostly post-op because of the only trans person I know personally, but a lot of people choose never to get surgical confirmation of gender (or maybe surgery is more common among trans women?). We’ve got to get past the obsession with genitals. As Reese writes, “we are just loving humans, like every human throughout all of time, who have brought a new life into this world. Nothing more than that, and nothing less. Just humans.”

This is a very fluid, quick read. The author recreates scenes and conversations with aplomb, and there are self-help sections after most chapters about how to be flexible and have productive dialogue within a family and with strangers. If literary prose and academic-level engagement with the issues are what you’re after, you’ll want to head to Maggie Nelson’s The Argonauts instead, but I also appreciated Reese’s unpretentious firsthand view.

(And here’s further evidence of my own bias: the whole time I was reading, I felt sure that Reese must be the figure on the right with reddish hair, since that looked like a person who could once have been a woman. But when I finished reading I looked up photos; there are many online of Reese during pregnancy. And NOPE, he is the bearded, black-haired one! That’ll teach me to make assumptions.) (3.5 stars)