This is a book that I think I’m going to be thinking a lot about throughout the year. With the rise of K Pop and the continued dependency on social media, there is just more focus on para social relationships but we don’t tend to think much of it. This book shows an extreme side to that but it is plausible and has happened before. Having said that, there is also the underlying cause which the protagonist seems to avoid and that is her avoidance of loneliness. The parts where we read the protagonists story, the “Y/N” portion, the story for us as readers starts to feel blurred. Are we the protagonist, experiencing this delusion that we too can meet the star of our dreams? I will be rereading this book when it comes out. I can’t wait to read more of Esther Yi’s writing!

a dizzying philosophical account of fandom culture and celebrity obsession. it took me a while to warm up to esther yi’s writing style (one of my first notes on the text includes a screenshot with the caption “STILTED DIALOGUE!!”) but once i did, man was i taken in. there’s a stunning philosophical quality to yi’s writing that is at once accommodating of various perspectives and nonjudgmental. the text reads like a fever dream at times (think paradise rot), a journal entry at others, and often it drifts into a woolf-like stream of consciousness. initially this appears to be at odds with the contents - a korean-american’s journey to find and meet a k-pop idol - but it fits.
i have also never read an experience of fandom quite like this one. it touches on all the issues of celebrity culture, from obsession and commodification to the sense of community and hope that are constructed by fans. the sense of pride that often slips into entitlement, of a specific form of knowledge of the celebrity that each fan assumes they have, of the differences in age, race, culture, ethnicity that the fandom encompasses - somehow, yi touched on them all without minimizing or slipping into the cult-related rhetoric that journalists often use for fans. 4.5/5

What an absolute delight of a novel.

Y/N by Esther Yi is a self-aware, gripping, surreal, Kafka-esque exploration of parasocial relationships in our digital age and the concept of art for art's sake. Yi's command of language lends itself well to the subtle critique of the search for meaning in art and entertainment -- in this case, the narrator's pretentious urge to intellectualize K-pop music and dance. The prose, at times, flows with ease before sending readers into disjointed passages that seem purposefully jarring, as if they are meant to make the reader question what falls under the scope of reality and what is imagined. And the inclusion of Y/N fanfiction throughout the narrative expertly immerses readers in the discomfort of it all.

I will be thinking about the uniqueness of this one for days to come.

In Y/N by Esther Yi, the main character is tired of experiencing reality as that which happens strictly to her and makes a K-Pop idol the new center of her world.

Everyone needs something or someone to fantasize about, right? The opening chapter is very relatable to anyone who has ever attended a K-Pop concert and felt the energy of an obsessed and idolized crowd around them. I feel like I’m going to indulge in a guilty pleasure read by reading this book.

Fangirling

The obsession is described in a believable way and the book pulled me right in. Y/N is full of sensual musings, but the nature of the wanting is more layered than it first appears. It doesn’t take long for daydreams and fan fiction to mingle with reality, giving rise to a serious case of vicarious shame.

There are plenty of scenes that made me laugh, although many of them are not that funny at heart. In one such scene, Mercury is a vessel for the fans’ comments and expresses them in front of Moon. The desire for romantic love is juxtaposed with worship and getting to know a person platonically.

Kafka in Seoul

There is a quote that really resonated with me because it expresses several desires at once: “I’m tired of experiencing reality as that which happens strictly to me.” I would almost say this is a reason, an excuse, a summary and an expression of social responsibility all at the same time.

What also appeals to me are the conversations about going all-in to achieve your dreams, regardless of the nature of the dream in question. The main character is guided to persevere no matter what. On her journey, she meets a group of eccentric people, all with their own passions. Their encounters (called Kafkaesque in the blurb) broaden the scope of the novel and draw attention to things happening in society.

The idol carries your name

The concepts of unknown and unremarkable are juxtaposed against special and famous, and yet, at the headquarters of the boyband there is only a thin line between both. What’s left to give an impulse to the creative process when you empty someone out and the world uses that person until he or she is used up?

Who says this is still about the idol? It’s about you, so insert Y(our)/N(ame) where applicable and start reading.

Final thoughts

What a wonderful journey Esther Yi took me on. Reading this book feels like following a fantasy that most people would hide deep within themselves rather than pursue. You’re living a life of fiction: you are the main character in your own story. There is so much more to this book than the obsession with an idol from a K-Pop boyband. This is one of the more unique books to look out for in 2023!

I'm still not quite sure what I just read, but enjoyed it nonetheless! It's perfectly surreal, the narrative split between IRL and the fanfiction the narrator is writing. The prose here is voice-y and delightful. This was such an unexpected treat.

Thanks to the publisher for the e-galley!

Surreal, a fever dream story, moving like a roller coaster

The title Y/N refers to fan fic and indicates where you insert Your own Name. In this incredibly unique story, we meet our unnamed narrator who has fallen in love with Moon - a member of a Korean boy band in which all of the members have planetary names. Our narrator cannot stop her obsession and partakes in all of the actions - buying all of the endorsed products, attending massive concerts, participating in live stream posts... Soon she has forgotten her real friends, her boyfriend and her life is nothing but Moon.

When Moon retires from the band, our narrator begins to write fanfic. Now you (us) will join in the story, the dream, the obsession. If you have ever loved an actor, a musician, and author or even a fictional character, this is a story for you!
#astra #Y/N #EstherYi

Thank you to NetGalley and Astra Publishing House for an ARC of this book.
An overall interesting dive into parasocial relationship, the storyline just wasn't for me.

“For the first time, I doubted the singularity of my love and thereby its truth. I glimpsed a future where I felt nothing for Moon, as one did, with both relief and melancholy, on the cusp of a breakup. I nearly fainted from disorientation. My love, which I'd considered, not without pride, a destabilizing force, was turning out to be exactly that which stabilized me.”

If you know me you know I love talking about fan culture...ecosystems...microcosms. How an individual can become changed as a result of connecting with something and joining a community of likeminded individuals.

This novel is such a breath of fresh air! It doesn't see the fan experience as something that is always sunshine and rainbows. It also left me feeling uncertain and falling alongside the narrator into chaos.
It also doesn't take itself too seriously (I mean the first scene being the quintessential 'they're not like other girls but come along to the concert' made me actually laugh).

More of my thoughts on my friend and I's youtube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCV_0zW7dMrzHkLxjpkPuECg?app=desktop

"Y/N" piqued my interest given its coverage of Korean idol culture, but I knew little else before starting this book. Told from the first person perspective of an unnamed woman, she begins by detailing her introduction to Moon, a member of a Korean boy group, and her steady descent into obsession with him. As time progresses, she completely alters her life for him, putting her work and her relationship with her boyfriend at risk, and discovers the world of fanfiction - both as a reader and eventually as an author. "Y/N" may represent yes/no to most people, but in this world, it stands for Your Name - the attempt for authors to have readers imagine themselves as the protagonist in these stories that feature their idols.

I'm grateful to Yi for highlighting some pressing issues about fandom that have become extremely relevant of late (just look up "sasaeng fans"), and the strange parasocial relationship that many fans have with idols and celebrities. This book was not my cup of tea, though; the entire story is an entirely surreal experience and there were moments I questioned what was reality or something entirely in the narrator's head. There's little depth to her personality or character as well, especially towards the later half of the book where her obsession grows only stronger. I'm not sure what Yi's ultimate goal was - to criticize the current idol/fan culture? If so, what should be done to change it?

2.5/5 stars, rounded up, as I nonetheless enjoyed Yi's writing style and prose.

It’s hard for me to rate this book. It is definitely very creative and unique, but it just wasn’t for me. I do believe that it will appeal to the many readers who enjoy fantasy and surrealism. Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for providing this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

What a trip. From the cover alone, I was drawn into the book's premise; a surreal unravelling of one's obsession and the facets of oneself. This work brings to mind the work of Sayaka Murata, a little bit of Andrea Abreu and even Samanta Schweblin and Agustina Bazterrica.

This book is all at once a mirror image of surrealism and genuine and poignant depths of reality, muddled together into something fascinating, held together by the thread of its prose. In a meander of the parasocial relationship between the person and a celebrity and the quieter relationships between the average person, Y/N is a delight to the sense. It feels as if you are being gently pulled downstream into a haze; the protagonist's vision is a blurred line of life.

It was a unique endeavour that left me with many consolidating ideas, wonderings and voices in the back of my head, wondering how close is too close, how much we see in the versions of the universes we hold in our writings, our fan fiction.

What a fresh take on something prevalent. I Very much recommend it.

A psychological satire you either love or don’t get.

I thought the unnamed protagonist’s earnest online interactions with her idol were hilarious at first, but as the story became increasingly erratic, I was just trying to figure out what was going on in this fever dream. In the midst of it, I picked up a few interesting dynamics:

- How the protagonist wants the fantasy of her idol, and how to maintain the fantasy of intimacy is to maintain a distance.
- How she desires the illusion, because the reality of her singular, personal experience is too restrictive.
- How she must be his fan in order to express the vastness of her love through collective adoration.
- How she must make herself ordinary so that her idol can be even more extraordinary, and how he must be unreachable.
- How Y/N fanfic, personalised by inserting [Your/Name], is inherently generic.

Curious for more people to experience this book and make sense of it with me. Stunning cover.

effervescent and doused in absurdity, esther yi’s Y/N explores contemporary culture when our narrator, a korean american woman, develops an unexpected obsession with a k-pop star named moon. moon’s sudden retirement inspires her to go beyond livestreams and concerts and instead begin a frenzied expedition to find moon. however, upon succeeding in her journey, what will this meeting prove? will it be all she had hoped and dreamed of, or will the facade of intimacy fall away when the distance is closed?

compulsive and propelling, Y/N is quick read that does not sacrifice depth. yi’s every sentence, every word, is intentionally placed and striking. yi’s wry prose is adorned with profound observations that reveal the insidious heart of voyeuristic desire and modern idolatry.

even in its absurdity, Y/N captures the obscure center of parasocial relationships — the search for meaning in a meaningless world, the yearning for a purpose, when it’s the yearning that gives us purpose. amidst the surreal, yi led me to disconcerting realizations of myself — sure, i may not worship at moon’s altar, but do i not peer over the shoulders of the social elite, in hopes that glimpses into their wealth and lifestyle will provoke meaning in my own? do i not subconsciously yearn for access to them and their lives? does this yearning sustain me?

Y/N is intense and intellectual, quirky and compulsive. i can honestly say i’ve never read any prose quite like this — and for that i commend yi, and eagerly await her next book!

5/5 a stunning and singular debut that sheds light on perverse desires for connection

OUT MARCH 21

THANK YOU to @astrahousebooks for the digital ARC on @netgalley

Thank you Net Galley and Astra Publishing House for the arc.

Esther Yi's Y/N was the best book to start 2023 with. I found the writing style a little difficult at first and had to look up the meaning of some words, but once I got into the flow of reading it, I fell in love with the style. Esther Yi has a magical way of describing things, their prose is beautiful and cuts straight to your heart, forcing you to feel what the narrator feels. I really liked how hazy and dreamy things were, almost like everything was a hallucination. I really liked the exploration of the dynamic between fan and star as well as parasocial relations. The novel is the perfect example of the kind of literary fiction I love, surreal, blurry, and so intriguing. I feel like there were so many layers of meaning, this is definitely a novel I will be rereading again and again, so that my subconscious can slowly peel layer after layer.

The deal: The title is pronounced like the letters Y-N. Not like “yes, no.” Instead, like “your/name,” which is a type of fan fiction where readers insert their own name where the protagonists would be. But anyway, this is about a Korean American woman living in Berlin who becomes obsessed with a K-Pop idol, writes fanfic about him, and travels to Seoul to find him. It’s also about philosophy and love and art and death.
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Is it worth it?: I have truly no idea. If you loved Pure Colour and are intrigued by fandom generally, you will probably like this. Otherwise, it’s fooking weird. There’s somehow a lot and nothing going on at the same time. It’s absurd and obtuse and bleak and heady, and I can’t really say I’ve read anything like it. Regardless, I’m excited for whatever Esther Yi does next.
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Pairs well with: Sheila Heti, the more surreal stories in Ling Ma’s Bliss Montage
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B-

I was drawn to this book about a Korean-American woman, now living in Germany, who becomes obsessed with a member of a K-pop band because much of the book takes place in Seoul - a city I love. I was not ready for the stream of consciousness writing nor the fan fiction. I also really didn't like the woman. The descriptions of Seoul were probably what I enjoyed the most. I was definitely not the right reader for this book - it was bit too bizarre for me.

I really loved this book - a protagonist with a unique voice and believable situations heightened to ridiculous levels. The voice felt a lot like Selin from The Idiot - cynical, clever, relatable, infuriating. The plot moved at a good pace and the world of this story felt very real. Such a smart commentary on fan culture and parasocial relationships.

*2.5 rounded up for Goodreads rating*

Thank you to NetGalley and Astra Publishing House for my copy in exchange for my honest opinion.

"Y/N" by Esther Yi is in short about a Korean American woman living in Berlin and her obsession with Kpop idol, Moon. This obsession leads her to travel to Seoul and what results is a self-destructive mess.

"Y/N" a.k.a. "Your Name" is a strange beast of a book. I should start by saying that I feel like I should have enjoyed this, loved this even, but as it is...I had a difficult time getting through it. For context, I have been a huge Kpop fan probably since 2005-2006 and I still listen to Kpop very often. While it's been a LONG time since a boy group has caught my attention (I'm more of a girl group stan myself), in the past, I have loved boy groups like TVXQ, Super Junior, 2PM/2AM, etc. so I thought "Oh man, this seems right up my alley!" Boy was I in for some disappointment.

Before I get into the negatives of my reading experience, I will say that there were definitely some things that I enjoyed about this. For one, Yi's writing is gorgeous. It's reminiscent of Virginia Woolf's iconic style of stream of consciousness and I love reading books in that format, especially if they're done right. And you know what? Yi definitely knows the form and utilizes it well. I also enjoyed the discussions about parasocial relationships, fandom/kpop, sense of self, and fetishization. I think that, especially for Kpop fans, discussions about parasocial relationships and fetishization are important ones to have (saesangs [basically an obsessive Kpop fan], while they have always been scary are somehow scarier now because of how tech savvy they've gone). That said, I do wish that Yi could have gone about discussing these topics as our way in is from the point of view of an overly obsessive adult and the way Yi depicts fans and fandom culture is quite negative. Don't get me wrong, the Kpop fandom as a whole can be frightening but it's also a fairly welcoming place and most adult fans, especially international fans, tend to be more composed and less obsessive. I just felt that it was too one-sided of a depiction and with the added layer of the occasional "your name", it just felt too awkward and too much for me.

I suppose I've begun to touch on my issues with this novel but I also just had a huge issue with the main character/narrator. The book opens with a note about being able to insert ourselves, the reader, into the story/main character and legitimately, I did not enjoy that. The narrator is much closer to becoming a saesang than she is being just a fan. The way she spoke about Moon was really creepy and while I understand why she was written that way, it made my reading experience a difficult one. Again, I felt that it was an unfair and lopsided depiction of a fan. Even as a meditation on parasocial relationships, I think that Yi could have gone about the depiction differently.

Overall, I didn't enjoy this book. I enjoyed the few topics I mentioned earlier that Yi briefly touches on and I love Yi's writing style but the story itself was not my favorite. All of that said, I am excited for any of Yi's future publications because they are genuinely a brilliant writer and the big reason for why I'm giving this book a higher rating than 1.

This debut feels like a fever dream. What if you suddenly got obsessed with a kpop star and then had the opportunity to meet them? This book focuses on a fan who writes fanfiction and believes she understands the idol, Moon, perfectly. She then travels to Korea to find him and a lot of weird things happen. With her obsession and voyeurism, the mc has a lot of beautiful lines. "His voice was a pink ribbon whipping in the wind..."

There is a lot of philosophy about existence and art too.

"The spiritual vacuity of our consumption and conversation, the daily torture of justifying our ethical fraudulence... how could one not think that the solution was to retreat behind the walls of the self?"

Does meeting your idols destroy them and/or your obsession?

A super bizarre but interesting read that I got thru in a day. Another exciting book coming out this year!

Y/N is dizzying and one of a kind. The story follows a Korean-American woman who becomes enthralled with kpop boy, Moon, who unexpectedly becomes the center of her universe and reason for existing. Upon first laying eyes on Moon, our narrator enters her life’s second act. There was Before Moon, now welcome to After Moon. With her we embark on an unhinged journey to find Moon in Seoul, South Korea.

I can recall the surreal, dreamlike nature of the novel like I read it yesterday, and after a jam-packed year of reading I cant say I’ve read anything quite like this. It explores the oddities that are para-social relationships and stan culture. This book is a true fever dream, of fandoms, devotion, and unrequited love.