This feels so silly to say but I requested this book and thought it was about a wife solving her husband's murder or something. I was so wrong and IM SO HAPPY I WAS.

Jessica Waite wrote a beautiful memoir about grief and losing her husband while raising her son. I found out that she is a local author and it was really interesting because I could picture all the places she described.

I would absolutely recommend this book to anyone going through the loss of someone or wanting to know how people can navigate it.

In this memoir, Jessica navigates the devastating aftermath of her husband's unexpected passing.
Amidst grief and mourning, she stumbles upon a series of revelations that shatters her perception of their life together.
As I was reading this and things unfolded, I was shocked. Then I remembered this isn't fiction it's a memoir! Jessica's resilience and sorrow is relatable. I cannot fathom what this brilliant woman has been through, but I give her all my respect.
This book explores the themes of love, loss, resilience, betrayal and family.
Thank you to Simon and Schuster Canada and NetGalley for this gifted book through the Influencer Program!

A grieving widow makes an unexpected discovery going through her husband’s belonging and has to reconcile her feelings of both grief and anger.

Pulled in by the title and cover, I expected this book to be about the author uncovering her spouse’s secret life, but it was more a portrait of grief and anger and the reconciliation of the two. While the book wasn’t bad, I found myself unsure how to feel as I read. While her husband was absolutely in the wrong, his grievances are unfortunately not surprising in this day and age. (It’s in the synopsis so this isn’t a spoiler - drugs, porn, and affairs.) While the author has every right to her feelings and what she chose to share and how, it felt a bit like airing dirty laundry for me personally. I just couldn’t stop thinking about their son, who was 9 at the time of his death and is still a teenager today. Does he deserve to remember his father as a great dad and does knowing these details take away from that? This was very much a personal decision and I’m not criticizing, but rather being honest that these thoughts were on my mind as I read. I felt as if the author wanted closure through writing, but possibly at the expense of tainting the memories others had.

My thanks to NetGalley and Atria Books for a complimentary advance copy of this eBook, out 7/30/2024.

Waite captured me from the beginning. Honest and hilarious prose about a gut-punch complicated passing - if one could find humor in the horror and stress, Waite somehow does! Fast and easy, I gobbled this book right up.

This was really good, until it wasn’t.

First half: a deeply vulnerable memoir of grief, anger and acceptance - 5 stars
Second half: lost direction completely and I skimmed to the end - 2 stars


It’s difficult to review and critique a memoir, as a person put their life and in this case, deeply traumatic events, on page for strangers to dissect. I imagine this author knew that while presenting this to us and therefore I’m going to delve into the flaws in the narrative and choices made in presenting the story, as opposed to the events themselves, which cannot be critiqued.

So as other reviewers have stated, this book seems to be divided into two parts; the time the author experiences immediately after death of her husband and the exploration of new age spiritualism in the years after.
This first part is gripping, raw and emotional. We see flashbacks to the couple’s courtship and tumultuous marriage. The themes of loss, infidelity, mental illness, betrayal and more are explored with real vulnerability. We experience the author’s truth vividly and the prose is well written, engaging and approachable.

The second half of the book however was different. It was more a compilation of vignettes of the author’s life past the first year post-death as she explores spiritualism and tries to make sense of her loss and connect to her husband’s ghost. For lack of a better word, it was weird. It did not fit with the first half at all, it had new characters that were not explored deeply, and it was choppy and purposeless.
Now, this is where this gets difficult for me. As this is a memoir, obviously this was the author’s true portrayal of events as she knows them, but it was written in a way that was hard to connect with as a reader. It lacked the emotion of the first half and the deep connection to side characters. It consisted of her accounting of various groups and classes she partook in and only glanced at her relationships built there. She says in the epilogue that she left much of the spiritual experiences out of this portion and I think this was a mistake. Because there was an opportunity to really engage in a type of ghost story here to make the reader understand why she explored such off-centre, new age therapies. Now granted, I am a skeptic and an atheist so none of these events would resonate with me in real life, however I do love to read about spirits and ghosts but that was really only lightly pursued here.
All the meat from the first half dealing with interpersonal connection with family, friends and rivals, of coming to terms with the death of a husband who was (as the title says) a bastard, was abandoned as the book took a sharp turn.
I get that the author had to pull back from a lot of her husband’s family to start living her own independent life but as she made new friends and connections we weren’t really given a window into that. It was all so surface level and seemed like a listing of events instead of a cohesive storyline and because of this, I was extremely bored. I ended up speed reading the final ten or so chapters just to finish, hoping that some connection would be made between both parts at the end. Some revelation and resolution of healing from a spouse’s sudden death as well as a his betrayal and their abusive marriage. But it never really got there. It was a lacklustre finish to a potentially engaging story of grief.

But all that being said the writing was compelling and vibrant and I hope Waite tries her hand at writing fiction in future. She has a great voice and ability to really write emotional stories. I just think this one needed better direction and focus in the second half. Perhaps with fiction, the narrative would be tighter and have a singular focus.

Thank you to NetGalley and the Simon and Schuster Canada Influencer Program for the complimentary copy of this book.

How does a loving wife grieve the unexpected, sudden death of her husband and then deal with the competing emotions of disbelief and anger and the questions of what parts of her life were real and what parts were a factor of her husband’s lies and deceit? Wow !
Jessica Waite lays out a first chapter that reeled me in ( actually, the title and book cover started that action as I think about it ) and the first 1/2 of the book was a compelling, intriguing read… one I could hardly believe. As I read her story I kept asking myself was she truly invested in her marriage ? Was she asleep at the wheel as her husband led this unbelievable life of porn, debt, lies and a longstanding affair ? But, putting that aside the first half of the book deals with the revelations… and they just kept coming !
The second half dealt with her ‘ trying’ to move on with her life, and to work to put her husband’s transgressions in a solid place for her to move forward in raising her son and to get herself out of the mess her husband left her in when he died on a business trip.
I enjoyed the first half more than the second half yet I recognize each half needs the other to be a complete story.

I’ve never read non-fiction that reads so much like fiction, but what a ride this memoir was! I’m blown away by the author’s ability not only to overcome all that was thrown at her after her husband’s death (and, honestly, before), but I appreciate her sense of dark humour and finding some levity amidst the chaos.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐝𝐨𝐰'𝐬 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬 by Jessica Waite
I picked this book because of the title (it’s just so intriguing) and because the author is a local author from Calgary.

🤍 If you’re here to peak into another person’s life, then Jessica definitely delivered. Her writing is very candid and she’s an excellent story teller.

🤍 In the garage scene/garbage can chapter, I gawked at my page for a solid minute to process what I’m reading. And ran to my husband to show him what will happen to him if he messes with me lol.

🤍 The first half of the books reads like a novel. My momentum slowed during the second half of the book. It felt a bit slower.

🤍 I find it hard to rate memoirs because everyone’s experience in life is so different. It’s also hard to criticize anyone who is brave enough to be this vulnerable. I certainly know I can’t do what Jessica did.

I was very excited about this one but it just didn’t work for me. I found the writing to be super scattered and confusing. Between memories and current day and then her mixed feelings I felt like I never really understood where she stood.

Unfortunately it made it difficult to enjoy and felt like a slog to get through.

The first chapter instantly hooked me -- Waite discovers her recently deceased husband's carefully catalogued porn collection on his computer. A complete shock to her and the readers. Slowly, by moving back and forth through time, Waite reveals a darker side to her husband' personality through his mental health battles, a side that few people saw.

This book is a journey and I was invested in each step. Waite moves through grief and anger, eventually finding her way back to love. She writes with openness and candour, vulnerability and humour. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and look forward to reading more of her work in the, hopefully near, future.

Memoirs can be hit-and-miss for me. I’m not a fan of self-aggrandizement, or self-help flavors. But give me a memoir that peels back the layers and looks at life with an unflinching gaze, and I am fully in!

Jessica Waite has unapologetically tackled the realities of losing a life partner, and discovering he was not the person that she believed him to be. She had opportunities to bash her husband, as she discovered infidelity and financial mismanagement. And yet, she doesn’t. Instead, she acknowledges the anger and heartache at every step, while giving her husband the grace he deserved due to his mental health concerns and stress. I appreciated her willingness to share the ugly manifestations of anger, since I think we all want the chance to let people know exactly how they hurt us. But it was when she opened herself to realizing the stresses that her husband had placed on himself, and that she had unwittingly reinforced, that I felt my soul crack just a bit.

I will be recommending this book to coworkers and clients, as we all work together in processing grief in the context of mental health concerns.

Many thanks to the Simon and Schuster Canada and NetGalley for offering me an eARC in exchange for my honest thoughts. I anticipate hearing great things about this book when it publishes on July 30. 4.5 shining stars!!

The Widow's Guide to Dead Bastards is a memoir about life after the death of the author's cheating husband. This book was not for me but was well written and I felt for the author.

Thank you to NetGalley for the arc! I really enjoyed this memoir. I found it interesting to read about Jessica's Waite's life and her struggles with her husband's mental illness, death and infidelity. I find it hard to criticize how someone chooses to tell their life story - I am glad I read this book but I felt like there a few parts in the last half of the book that could of been cut. Overall, a great read and I would recommend to those who enjoy memoirs!

I’m not usually a fan of memoirs but I will be gifting this book regularly and encouraging students in my courses (the future healthcare providers of tomorrow) to read it. The title will grab your attention but the deep understanding and ability to craft learning and love into intimate experiences for others to benefit from,will keep you reading. Jessica Waite - thank you for writing about grief in a way that will encourage so many to value the experiences and not run away from them. As you write - my friend goes to physio everyday - I go to grief. In a society that would rather us diagnose grief as a disorder, Jessica and this book challenge us to deepen our understanding and awareness of the connections that grief instil in all of us. We are all grieving and should read this book. (If I could, this would be a 4.5 star review - I don’t “do” 5 stars…..) READ this book!!

Jessica Waite portrays in this memoir how she deals with her late husband’s secrets and his passing — as well as how she deals with her grief.
This book was written with candour — full of raw vulnerability — though this book at times was heart breaking it also had dry humour ( the prologue really drew me in to the novel)— while one could be shocked by her dead husbands behaviour eventually it evokes compassion, concern and sympathy for those with mental health issues .
Ultimately this is a hopeful story full of resilience and renewal, and one woman’s strength to move forward , finding healing and acceptance in the face of betrayal.

A memoir packed with heartrending revelations, damning the instigator and obfuscating the author’s grief over the sudden death of her husband, Sean, at the young age of forty seven. For Sean was, in fact, a bastard. A terrible one - being both a liar and a cheat and hiding terrible secrets that will take years for Jess to process and finally, reconcile.

Jess and Sean are somewhat used to trials, as they attempt to manage their family cross-border and long-distance - Sean as an executive working in Houston, Texas, and Jess raising their family back home in Calgary, Alberta.

Suffering from bipolar disorder, and exhibiting wild mood swings, it was long clear that life with Sean would come with emotional challenges. But nothing could have prepared Jess as she struggles to parent her suddenly fatherless nine-year-old son, Dash, amidst the staggering news of Sean’s fatal heart attack in Houston. As her life unravels, Jess must embark on her own healing journey, and it’s clear that this memoir, and the terrible facts (and related feelings) it acknowledges, will play a very important role in that process.

Written with incredible candor and such rawness and vulnerability (laced with dry humor where it is most needed), that Sean’s behavior cannot help but horrify, enrage and devastate the reader, as it evokes compassion and concern for those so deeply affected.

A heartbreaking read, but also, ultimately, a hopeful one, this is a story of resilience and renewal, and one woman’s strength to move on, finding healing in the face of ultimate betrayal.

A great big thank you to the author, the publisher and Netgalley for an ARC of this book. All thoughts presented are my own.