The Widow's Guide to Dead Bastards

Jessica Waite portrays in this memoir how she deals with her late husband’s secrets and his passing — as well as how she deals with her grief.
This book was written with candour — full of raw vulnerability — though this book at times was heart breaking it also had dry humour ( the prologue really drew me in to the novel)— while one could be shocked by her dead husbands behaviour eventually it evokes compassion, concern and sympathy for those with mental health issues .
Ultimately this is a hopeful story full of resilience and renewal, and one woman’s strength to move forward , finding healing and acceptance in the face of betrayal.

A memoir packed with heartrending revelations, damning the instigator and obfuscating the author’s grief over the sudden death of her husband, Sean, at the young age of forty seven. For Sean was, in fact, a bastard. A terrible one - being both a liar and a cheat and hiding terrible secrets that will take years for Jess to process and finally, reconcile.

Jess and Sean are somewhat used to trials, as they attempt to manage their family cross-border and long-distance - Sean as an executive working in Houston, Texas, and Jess raising their family back home in Calgary, Alberta.

Suffering from bipolar disorder, and exhibiting wild mood swings, it was long clear that life with Sean would come with emotional challenges. But nothing could have prepared Jess as she struggles to parent her suddenly fatherless nine-year-old son, Dash, amidst the staggering news of Sean’s fatal heart attack in Houston. As her life unravels, Jess must embark on her own healing journey, and it’s clear that this memoir, and the terrible facts (and related feelings) it acknowledges, will play a very important role in that process.

Written with incredible candor and such rawness and vulnerability (laced with dry humor where it is most needed), that Sean’s behavior cannot help but horrify, enrage and devastate the reader, as it evokes compassion and concern for those so deeply affected.

A heartbreaking read, but also, ultimately, a hopeful one, this is a story of resilience and renewal, and one woman’s strength to move on, finding healing in the face of ultimate betrayal.

A great big thank you to the author, the publisher and Netgalley for an ARC of this book. All thoughts presented are my own.

I’m not usually a fan of memoirs but I will be gifting this book regularly and encouraging students in my courses (the future healthcare providers of tomorrow) to read it. The title will grab your attention but the deep understanding and ability to craft learning and love into intimate experiences for others to benefit from,will keep you reading. Jessica Waite - thank you for writing about grief in a way that will encourage so many to value the experiences and not run away from them. As you write - my friend goes to physio everyday - I go to grief. In a society that would rather us diagnose grief as a disorder, Jessica and this book challenge us to deepen our understanding and awareness of the connections that grief instil in all of us. We are all grieving and should read this book. (If I could, this would be a 4.5 star review - I don’t “do” 5 stars…..) READ this book!!

Memoirs can be hit-and-miss for me. I’m not a fan of self-aggrandizement, or self-help flavors. But give me a memoir that peels back the layers and looks at life with an unflinching gaze, and I am fully in!

Jessica Waite has unapologetically tackled the realities of losing a life partner, and discovering he was not the person that she believed him to be. She had opportunities to bash her husband, as she discovered infidelity and financial mismanagement. And yet, she doesn’t. Instead, she acknowledges the anger and heartache at every step, while giving her husband the grace he deserved due to his mental health concerns and stress. I appreciated her willingness to share the ugly manifestations of anger, since I think we all want the chance to let people know exactly how they hurt us. But it was when she opened herself to realizing the stresses that her husband had placed on himself, and that she had unwittingly reinforced, that I felt my soul crack just a bit.

I will be recommending this book to coworkers and clients, as we all work together in processing grief in the context of mental health concerns.

Many thanks to the Simon and Schuster Canada and NetGalley for offering me an eARC in exchange for my honest thoughts. I anticipate hearing great things about this book when it publishes on July 30. 4.5 shining stars!!

The first chapter instantly hooked me -- Waite discovers her recently deceased husband's carefully catalogued porn collection on his computer. A complete shock to her and the readers. Slowly, by moving back and forth through time, Waite reveals a darker side to her husband' personality through his mental health battles, a side that few people saw.

This book is a journey and I was invested in each step. Waite moves through grief and anger, eventually finding her way back to love. She writes with openness and candour, vulnerability and humour. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and look forward to reading more of her work in the, hopefully near, future.