Why Are You So Sensitive?
Written By: Sable Quinn
Sable’s Rating: 4/5 stars
Content Warning: microaggressions, potentially triggering phrases & stories.

Why Are You So Sensitive?, Billie Lee. Andrews McMeel, August 13, 2024. 176 pp.

This new anthology of short and true stories compiled and contributed by Billie Lee is an important and well-developed read. Lee delves into the uncomfortable topic of microaggressions. She includes her own experiences and feelings, however, she also goes one step further to include Dr. Gina C. Torino, a doctor in psychology. The book is divided into four chapters: Friends and Family, Dating and Relationships, Workplace, and Strangers and Acquaintances. Within each chapter, Lee has compiled many different stories and experiences from individuals who originate from all walks of life: lesbian, bisexual, trans, people of color, gendering between men and women, etc. After each account, Dr. Torino inserts an “Expert Take,” explaining how each story contains a microaggression.Tr., then Torino offers advice on how to deal with similar situations in the future. At the end of each chapter, they also include a conclusion that summarizes the microaggressions that were introduced and explained within the chapter and once again provides advice.
A few stories included struck me particularly and made me pause for a second. One of the stories was from an Anonymous source; an Indigenous woman tells the audience about an instance when she was on the phone with her partner and his grandparents. During the call, she overheard his grandparents say, “She’s so pretty; she doesn’t even look like an ‘Indio’” (Lee, 8). Not only is that phrase a microaggression toward our current narrator, but as she continues the story, it’s revealed that the grandparents are of the same heritage as her, meaning what they are saying is also degrading themselves, yet they refuse to acknowledge that. The saddest part for this narrator is the fact that her partner’s grandparents couldn’t recognize that they were hurting themselves as well.
The next story that made me pause and take everything I was reading in was from Lee’s life which she includes in Chapter 1: Friends and Family. She talks about how her grandmother had suffered significant hearing loss and struggled auditorily most of her life afterward due to domestic violence. As a result, Lee’s mother and her thirteen aunts and uncles grew up being an extremely loud family, mostly adjusting to being able to communicate with their mother. Lee goes on to explain that her mother has been loud her entire life, that she was convinced that when her parents met, her dad heard her mother before he even saw her, falling in love almost immediately. Yet, throughout their relationship, Lee recalls, “I can remember my father cutting his eyes at my mom, hissing at her to “Keep it down!” or “Stop being so loud!” especially when we were in public” (Lee, 17).
One of the things that I loved most about this collection and Lee’s take on different microaggressions she has experienced in her life, especially as a trans woman, is how she does not take it lying down. She is a woman not to be messed with, she will not let people get away with these microaggressions and she will be frank about it. For example, skipping along to Chapter 2: Dating and Relationships, she talks about how whenever she disagreed with something her partner said he would ask if she was taking too many hormones (simply because she was on hormone therapy). Lee states “Traditional (read: dated, invalid) ideas of masculinity and femininity dictate that men are powerful if they show no emotion; similarly, when a woman shows emotion, it is because she is weak” (Lee, 47). I love the sassiness she includes within her own stories, showing that no matter what others may think or say, she will no longer take these microaggressions or other negative instances lying down. She is going to call out and fight everything that is hurled at her.
Overall, Why Are You So Sensitive?, has not only shown me and helped me realize specific instances that are microaggressions that I didn’t previously realize (such as the phrase “I was only joking,”) are hurtful and incorrect. I was able to learn a lot from these different accounts from people with vastly different backgrounds and experiences, but Billie Lee and Dr. Gina C. Torino also provide much insight and even helpful guides within the back to help navigate a better and more polite world. Honestly, everyone should give this a read to be made aware of these instances and to develop tools to better their beings.

I really enjoyed reading this, I was worried when reading this that it would fall too deep into the “self-help” book trap, the one that makes the reader feel like there’s something wrong with THEM and they need to fix it or everything is their own fault, but this did not do that at all. The book itself is very beautiful from an aesthetic point of view, and the essays were well written and very honest. I was delighted by the multiple points of view from different social backgrounds as well as the “expert take” at the end of each essay. Each chapter/essay reads as a reminder that we are going through our own hardships and the words we use take a toll on others, but they also serve as a reminder that we are not robots and we are not broken or “over sensitive” because we are affected by how people speak to and about us. I’m glad this was not a “how to not be sensitive” type of book, we don’t always need to “fix” things because sometimes things aren’t broken. It’s not wrong to be sad, angry or hurt when others treat us as if we are lesser than. This book is a reminder that our human reactions and emotions are not a flaw but a feature and that’s okay.

I have a mixed review about this book. When i pick up this book, I thought this will be a memoir or biography type of books. But I was wrong. This book is more of complication of short stories. Every story reflecting a negative experience the writer's had at one point of their life or during their whole life. As much as I like reading this, I will prefer to have a deeper dive onto the stories. It give me the impression of a compilation of stories that the writers compile from newspaper or magazines.

This book offers the experiences of several people and how they deal with microaggressions. These are often words that are said that one thinks are complimentary or non-harmful but, actually are damaging. Each section is capped off by advice from a professional psychologist.
The stories were interesting to read. However, it did get somewhat repetitive as most went through the same issues. Overall, the reader does learn how they might be inadvertently offending those around them. Recommend to read as it is never hurts to learn how to be a nicer person.

I cannot rate this high enough. I watched Billie on VPR and while she drove me a little crazy with her extreme assumptions - she is still such an ICON and this book could not have been better. I love the format and the stories that are followed with notes from Dr. Torino. I think this is one that everyone needs to read, for sure.

I thought this was going to be more of a “how to” than a recollection of other’s experiences. While welcome and diverse, I was looking for more of a self-help moment!
Thank you to the publisher and Netgalley for this arc ebook in exchange for an honest review.

This was a really interesting concept for a book. It was super helpful to see microaggressions that people have experienced and be able to read the experts' advice and interpretation of each situation. I feel that we are often not aware of the things that we say or do on a societal level that are harmful to people who have different identities than ourselves.

Had no idea this was the billie from vanderpump rules until I picked it up! I’m a very sensitive person so it definitely resonated with me and appreciated the reasonings. I recommend this book!

Okay, Billie Lee from Vanderpump Rules! I saw this title and literally had to Google if it was the same person and turns out it is. Good for her! Overall a decent title. I would not recommend for folks who have lived with oppression all their lives though.

Hearing about oppression from white people, specifically white queer people, who come out and experience social hardship for the first time, is a little tiring at the best of times. This book tries to address microagressions as a swath of behavior and I feel it paints with too wide and too privileged a brush.

A good beginner’s guide or possibly for the white people in our lives who ask for guidance.

I received a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review. Thank you NetGalley.

Why Are You So Sensitive was quite the interesting and relatable read.
I mean, let's be honest. We are all sensitive to some degree, right? And I can't tell you how many times I've literally questioned myself on why I was taking something so small / petty so personally. This book definitely gave me some insight on that.

I think the colors of the cover were great, and I loved the font on the cover!

I would definitely read others by this author.