In Not So Sorry, Kaya Oakes delivers a bold, thought-provoking examination of the concept of forgiveness, challenging the traditional view that it is an unequivocal good. Through a combination of historical analysis, theological insight, and cultural critique, Oakes dissects the ways in which the call to forgive can sometimes exacerbate harm rather than heal it.

Oakes starts by exploring the pervasive presence of forgiveness in various contexts, from religious teachings to therapeutic practices. She effectively argues that the demand for forgiveness, especially in cases of severe abuse and systemic wrongdoing, can unjustly burden victims and shield perpetrators from accountability. This nuanced perspective is a much-needed counterpoint to the often one-dimensional narrative that surrounds forgiveness.

One of the most compelling aspects of Not So Sorry is how Oakes intertwines personal stories with broader cultural phenomena. She illustrates how calls for forgiveness can sideline justice and diminish the experiences of those who have suffered. Oakes also critiques how society, particularly in the United States, romanticizes the notion of marginalized groups forgiving their oppressors, thus perpetuating harmful power dynamics.

Oakes's writing is both accessible and erudite, making complex ideas understandable without oversimplifying them. Her righteous anger is palpable, yet it is balanced with a clear-headed analysis that invites readers to reconsider their own views on forgiveness. By questioning the automatic expectation of forgiveness, Oakes opens up a vital conversation about the real implications of this act.

Not So Sorry is a significant contribution to contemporary discussions about justice, healing, and morality. It challenges readers to think deeply about the ethics of forgiveness and to recognize that, sometimes, withholding forgiveness can be a necessary and justifiable choice. This book is a must-read for anyone interested in the intersections of religion, psychology, and social justice, as well as for those who have grappled with the pressure to forgive in their own lives.