Rating: 3.5 stars

"So, you spend your time here trying to die."
↳ "No, I spend my time trying to remember what it felt like to be alive."

synopsis:
This story follows Bastian, who gets into a tragic car accident and loses his mother. He's grieving, and is struggling with his guilt of being the one to survive. After the accident, he starts having nightmares of a place called Styx where he meets another boy, Zan, who informs him he should be dead and claims he must lead him to his death. Bastian starts to realize these aren't nightmares, and he's caught somewhere in between being alive and dead.

review:
I have many thoughts on this story. I really loved the concept, the idea, and felt Bastian was very relatable as a character. I enjoyed the growth his character had. Watching him go from not really wanting to live, to finding hope again and trying to enjoy life again. I enjoyed seeing the progress for his bookstore and watching that come to life through his eyes. I liked the humor in this story as well. I laughed out loud, and enjoyed some of the silly back and forth between him and his friends.

I feel like the topic of grief is not something well discussed in young adult novels, and I really enjoyed seeing this explored in this story. It felt very real and relatable, and I felt like the author really painted the image of how Bastian was feeling well. And even the conversations he was having with friends was incredibly frustrating, but those conversations are things that definitely happen. This story truly demonstrated how hard it is to be on the receiving end of that treatment, while someone is also just struggling to be okay again.

I also really enjoyed the relationship between Bastian and Zan. I enjoyed watching their friendship grow and turn into something more. I loved the conversations they had with each other, and I really just loved both of these characters very much. I thought their dynamic, the progression of their relationship, and their moments together were perfect.

"You've never had cinnamon gum?"
↳ "I've lived 499 years on a dead river escorting dead people to a literal god of dead souls. It's not exactly a bountiful land of plenty. And this is disgusting. Truly disgusting."

What I struggled with was the pacing of this story and the ending felt a bit abrupt. I also think more time should have been focused on Zan's and Bastian's relationship. I felt like it only started to develop towards the end, and more time could have been spent fleshing that out. I do understand that this story's main focus was Bastian and his grief, but I just felt like there was so much potential with their relationship.

Overall, I enjoyed Bastian as a character, his relationship with Zan, and the development of his bookstore. I was left with wanting more from Zan and Bastian, and I still feel uncertain about that ending. REGARDLESS, this was an intriguing story with some laughs and also some very heart wrenching moments. Will definitely be looking forward to other novels by this author in the future ♥

Thank you Netgalley and Page Street Publishing for this e-arc.

This is such a unique story and very different from anything I've read before. Styx bounces between the POVs of Bastian and Zan. Bastian survived a car accident where his mother died and that he feels responsible for. He's floating through life without much direction. Zan is bound to the River Styx and must deliver souls that got stuck on the way to heaven or hell for a term of 500 years; he's on year 499 at the time of the story.

These two should have never crossed paths, but Bastian keeps appearing in Zan's realm because he was actually supposed to die in the accident, too. Bastian doesn't want to die. Zan wants his freedom but doesn't want Bastian to die, either. They form a relationship while trying to sort through these things and the fact that they do not exist in the same place. This leads to an interesting perspective on grief and moving on.

Thanks to Page Street Publishing and NetGalley for an eARC of this book for an honest review.

Sweet and aching. Tender and full of grief. I really liked the main characters and enjoyed watching them grow together but I’m not sure how I feel about the ending and overall the book felt like it took a bit too long for anything to happen.

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ / 3.75 stars
Thank you to the author for providing me with an eARC of this book via TBR and Beyond Tours in exchange for an honest review!

At the End of the River Styx is a story about two boys, born 500 years apart. Zan helps guide souls for the Ferryman and Bastian griefs after surviving a car accident. Death marks Bastian, causing him to show up in Zan’s office whenever he falls asleep.

“I spend my time trying to remember what it felt like to be alive”

I hadn’t really heard of this book before, but reading what it was about, I was very intrigued and wanted to dive into this book!
The books starts off very slow, but you immediately get a good feel for both the characters and their lives. Zan, who works and is almost at the end of his 500-year curse while Bash struggles with survivors guilt. It was a slow, but great introduction.
I found the concept of the Ferryman very intriguing! I liked the idea that not all souls immediately went to Heaven or Hell and needed help being guided. I liked how, before coming before the Ferryman, the souls would relive one last memory.
Zan was an interesting character, being cursed for almost 500 years after sacrificing his life for his mother, he lives through the memories of the souls he guides. It’s amazing to see him come alive the moment he meets Bastian and his longing for being human, not wanting to be lonely, is very real. Bastian is a complicated character and so real in every sense! His struggles with panic attacks, the survivors guilt, his struggles in life, and his love for books; it made him relatable and super complete as a character that you can’t help but root for.
The friendship that builds between Zan and Bash is so beautiful! I love how it slowly developed and how they slowly opened up to each other! It was beautiful and heartfelt and made me smile, despite them being star-crossed lovers!
Despite how much I loved the story and the execution of it all, the ending didn’t do it for me at all. I hate how this book ended… to me, it felt very unsatisfactory and didn’t do the amazing book justice at all.
Overall, At the End of the River Styx is a very emotional and beautifully written book, with an ending that didn’t do it for me






<spoiler> you can’t make me fall in love with these characters, make me root for them and then NOT give them their happy ever after! I hated it! </spoiler>

This tale of star-crossed lovers was surprisingly enjoyable for me, someone who craves the happily ever after. Zan and Bastian have both suffered so much. Bastian is struggling with PTSD after he blames himself for the car wreck that claimed his mother’s life and, briefly, his own. It is difficult but realistic to watch this bright student fail in school, isolate himself from loved ones, and seek release from the nightmares that plague him. Zan is lovable, and who wouldn’t want to root for the boy who spent 499 years in servitude to save his mother and siblings, and has a soft spot for a marked boy who reminds him what it feels like to be human, to be seen? As the boys grow closer to each other in stolen moments and memories, things in their personal lives spiral out of control, but I’m still left with hope that these two will find healing and happiness. A beautiful look into the messy aftermath of trauma, with a sweet love story and friendships that remind us that other people can help us through life even when they can’t fix everything. Thank you NetGalley and Page Street Publishing for this ARC.

It is a slow-burn/slow-pacing novel, but slow in this case is the best pacing for this theme: death of a parent, grieving, and guilt. Two brothers are dealing with the death of their mother. One feels guilty for her death (Bastian) and can't cope with it as well as the other.

I love that Bastian at the age of 18 is rehabilitating a bookstore, although he has no plans for his future. Somehow, it is as if he is hugging himself, anchoring himself to life. He is carrying too much guilt.

I liked Zan (he traded places with his mother more or less 400 years ago and now serves the underworld) he appeared to Bastian in his dreams and Zan was assigned to bring Bastian from the living world. I like his struggle. He hesitates and relates to Bastian.

I also like Bastian's best friend Riley. She keeps him with a foot in daily life.

*I received a digital ARC from the author and Page Street YA via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.*

Content warning: Death of a loved one, thoughts of death and dying, fear, body horror, substance use, car accident.

At the End of the River Styx is the kind of story that slips into the spaces of your heart, where hurt, and fear, and loneliness live, and slowly brings those feelings out of the darkness, so that your heart begins to beat faster. It reminds you to live.

Bastian is the heart of this book. Having been though something so traumatic – to lose his mom, and believe he’s the reason she died. To carry that burden, and then be haunted by restless dreams, with no relief with sleep. He has no way to know what’s real. Even though he has people around him who love him, he still feels alone. His brother somehow seems to be able to move forward, but he feels like all he does is fail. It’s heartbreaking, and the best part of the book for me was watching him carve a space for himself (reluctantly), building a possible future he can live with, if he can hope to live. Trying not to be hopeful, but hoping anyway.

Zan is a mystery at first. We know that he has sacrificed himself so his mother can live. The deal he made with the Ferryman was worth it, but is costing him his humanity. He is so close to being finished his servitude, to get a second chance at life. But when we meet him, he is not really living. He’s sifting through people’s dead memories, looking for ways to feel something. When he meets Bastian, it’s like he comes alive. He is known. He is seen. He exists as more than as the Ferryman’s guide to death.

This book is about a lot of things. It’s about the dark feelings that can come when you feel alone, when you can’t see clearly because you feel like you’re drowning. It’s about friends who love you and annoy you with their caring – who remind you that you’re worth keeping. It’s about the complicated relationship between brothers, and how when you’ve shared so much, it’s hard to look at what was lost. It’s about toxic people who see your darkness and want you to revel in it. It’s about a bookstore, and libraries, and love for books, and The Little Prince. And walking through memories, and falling in love.

I went into this book knowing I would cry, and somehow I didn’t until the very last line. I think it’s because the writing was so beautiful, or else I was just so present with the characters, so tuned into what was happening, that I was able to face it. But wasn’t until the very end, the quiet beat, where it hit me so hard.

It’s because of this: Life is worth living, even when you don’t have a lot of time left. Even when your fate is sealed. Books that remind me of that get a special place in my heart. LOVE ANYWAY.

Thank you so much to Page Street YA and NetGalley for the arc.

Holy crap. This book.

Zan and Bastien have my whole heart and soul. The way this book was written has me crying in the club. Truly this could be taken as everything was real or this was Bastiens way of letting go of his grief and guilt.

I am DEMANDING that people read this book. The vulnerability, the queerness, the FREAKING BEAUTY THIS BOOK HAS. Just makes me fucking cry. Please please PLEASE read this.

I love how this is a combo of originality, The Midnight Library and SoA.

I am a huge fan of Greek mythology, and this queer retelling based on the myth of the ferryman of the river styx did not disappoint. This book was hopeful, sweet and full of grief - I cried ALOT - but it was sad in the absolute best of ways. If any of this is interesting to you, I highly recommend it!

Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for this ARC in exchange for my honest review!!

Going in, I knew I was ready to cry reading this. Dealing with grief and guilt, Bastion was a character that you want to just give a big hug to. Zan was equally as lovable. They both have been through so much and still found a way to anchor each other. I actually cried a little near the end with it being so bittersweet. The character development for Bastion was great, and I was glad he had such a strong friend group and his brother to help him. The things he’d been through I can’t even imagine. This was such a beautiful look at love and learning to move on and let go. I can’t wait to read more from this author in the future.

I LOVED THIS BOOK. I LOVED IT SO MUCH. DID I MENTION HOW MUCH I LOVED IT?

In all seriousness, At the End of the River Styx may be my favorite YA fantasy read of the entire year (and it has some steep competition!). It was queer, it was heartbreaking, it was beautiful, it was utterly magical, and its characters and their stories will remain etched upon my brain forever.

At the End of the River Styx finds Bastian, an 18 year old living in modern day Portland, burdened with grief and guilt over his mother's death and struggling to move forward (unlike his twin brother Dorian). In a last ditch effort to make something of his life, Bastian uses his inheritance money to purchase and renovate an old rundown bookstore. However, Bastian doubts he will live to see it open because he knows deep down that he was not meant to live through the car accident that took his mother and his continuous dreams of purgatory are not helping to change his mind. Zan is a young man trapped in a 500-year sentence of servitude in exchange for his mothers life to guide souls who are stuck in between life and death to be consumed by the mythical Ferryman. Zan is near the end of his 500 year deal when one boy’s soul keeps turning up in the Styx but disappears before he can log it and take it to the Ferryman. Completing this task is crucial–if he fails, Zan will forfeit his own soul and lose his final chance at freedom. Yet, as his bond with this boy deepens, so does the realization that in order for either of them to live, one of them must die.

What stands out the most about this book is how masterfully the author handles themes of grief and loss while providing one of the most authentic portrayals of post traumatic stress disorders that I have ever seen (Mental Health Therapist here so authenticity in these portrayals is important to me). The journey these characters go through is painful, but it’s handled with such care that it never feels gratuitous and the character relationships and strong sense of found family and the love, support, and warmth they bring to each other is beautifully woven into the narrative and provides a much needed balance to the darker themes.

Secondarily, the vividness in which Kulwicki describes Zan and Bastian navigating through their own memories and memories of others passing through the Styx is utterly enchanting. Whether it was a visit to a carnival, an ancient library, a hike through the forest, or playing games at an old thrift store from Bastians childhood, these scenes are painted with such detail that the settings seem just as alive as the characters themselves. I could have honestly spent 50 chapters more just watching their bond grow through these experiences.

While the ending didn’t resolve in the way I had hoped, I cannot deny the emotional impact it had on me regardless. Sometimes, a story’s power lies not in the resolution but in the journey and At the End of the River Styx is a journey I would gladly take again and again.

Thank you to Page Street YA and ColoredPages Book Tours for the opportunity to read At the End of the River as an advanced reader – though my heart may never be the same!

DNF’d at 43%

I wanted to love this book but it was very different from how I thought it was going to be, and I just couldn’t get into it.

I was (stupidly) expecting more of a focus on the mythology and the impossible love between a (kinda) living boy and a dead one,,, but this is very much an introspective take on grief 1 year and 499 years after tragic loss.

Which is fine! If you’re into that! I’m not lol. There was just too much down time spent either wallowing in Bastian’s feelings while he pushed away his friends, or reading about how tired he was while he struggled not to pass out, or walking through memories while Zan thought about how full of life they used to be but how frozen they are now. Theoretically I understand what the author is doing here, it’s just not being done for me lolol.

Also, is it sad that almost halfway through I barely cared about Bastian and Zan together, but was more interested in the trash fire that was every one of Bastian and Greer’s interactions? I feel like I could really enjoy a book about a grieving kid letting the mean guy suggestively ruin his life further, you know?

Giving it a 2.5 over all, rounding up to a 3 cause I know to the right person this will probably be really good to read.

This book walked me through so many emotions— to the point of tears. Like I’m still crying. 😭 Both happy & sad tears. Incredible. Absolutely incredible.

Thank you to NetGalley, the author, & publisher for the opportunity to read this book early!!

𝓻𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓰: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️💫
𝓶𝔂 𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱𝓽𝓼:

499 years ago Zan sacrificed his life to save his dying mother.
He has one year left of servitude…processing souls for the Ferryman.
Bastian is a living young man who has major survivor’s guilt.
And he’s marked for death.

𝘽𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙖𝙣 𝘽𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙨.
𝘼 𝙨𝙤𝙪𝙡 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚.

This isn’t an easy read.
It’s heavy with grief and depression and failure.
The pages are draped in sadness and helplessness.

I think that’s what makes the interactions between Zan and Bash so much brighter.
Two lost, sad, lonely boys.
One who wants to live but has to serve Death.
One who wants to die but keeps escaping Death.
The EMOTIONS, y’all.
I cried so many times for both boys.

When Bash finally breaks.
My friggin HEART. 💔

And the sacrifice Zan made in the end?
Incredible. 😭

I feel like the ending isn’t the ending.
Time moves differently, remember?
I truly hope we get another book for these two, but for now, I leave you with this…

𝙄 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙡𝙚𝙧, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙖𝙡𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨, 𝙖𝙡𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙗𝙚 𝙢𝙮 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧.

𝓻𝓮𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓮 𝓭𝓪𝓽𝓮: September 24, 2024
𝙄 𝙧𝙚𝙘𝙚𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙙 𝙖 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙥𝙡𝙞𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙮 𝙘𝙤𝙥𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙗𝙤𝙤𝙠. 𝘼𝙡𝙡 𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙞𝙚𝙬𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙢𝙮 𝙤𝙬𝙣.

Not going to lie, I wasn’t expecting this to be such an emotional read. It was well written I felt so bad for the main characters. This story is about love and struggling with grief. As someone who has been through trauma (although different from the MC), I felt like I could really relate to the story and how the main character was feeling. It was really an excellent read.

4.5 stars

Very emotional and touching YA novel dealing with death, grief, and survivor’s guilt. Bastien was in a car accident with his mother and twin brother; while the boys survived, their mother did not and Bastien was marked for death by the ferryman. Now, he keeps dreaming of the River Styx, where the Ferryman’s secretary—an 18 year old boy who made a deal to serve him for 500 years and has grown numb to the day to day reality—tries to figure out why Bastien isn’t following the normal procedure for the recently deceased.

I think this shines the most in the scenes depicting the memories of those who passed on. Bastien and Zan’s exploration of the various memories left throughout the years. They are joyous, sad, funny. The scenes where Bastien is struggling in the real world provide such a contrast.

I would recommend this for fans of The Midnight Library, or YA readers who want to delve into topics of grief.

This book emotionally destroyed me in the best way possible. It is such a raw, beautiful story about grief and love and healing, and I loved every page. Zan and Bastian stole my heart, with their sweet romance and individual journeys. I especially loved Bastian’s development as he healed both himself and his relationships. And as he repaired and opened his bookstore. The bookstore was so amazing, though my favorite setting(s) of the book were the memories Bastian and Zan would visit. Of course, I also liked Zan’s office, with all his knick knacks and glasses. As for the writing, I thought the book was near perfectly paced to allow for the growth of Zan and Bastian’s relationship, while still having a strong outside threat and tension. So overall I loved the prose, I loved the settings, I loved the characters. The only part of the book I didn’t completely adore with was the ending. While it was fitting, it wasn’t how I wanted the book to end. But in all this book was absolutely amazing and I highly highly recommend it.

This is a beautiful look at grief and love and finding yourself through both. It's amazingly readable and the prose is so lush and full of emotion. The worldbuilding is so fun, with the theme of the ferryman myth, and the ability to travel through memories. I loved all of it so much!

The title and the cover of this book really caught my eye and captivated me. I found myself thinking about it and wondering what the story was going to be about. Once I started reading, I discovered the story was about grief and it just felt so fitting. The use of mythology with the combination of grief and the world building was so unique. I haven't come across a book that intertwined everything together like this. This book has two main characters, Bastian struggles with survivor's guilt because his mother died in a car accident and he wishes it could have been him instead. And Zan, who guides souls through the river Styx. Their two worlds collide when Bastian one day appears in Zan’s office, but the weird thing is, Bastian isn’t dead. That alone should be convincing enough to pick up this book! It's so tragically captivating. Couldn't put it down!
Thank you Netgalley for the advanced e-book copy of At the End of the River Styx by Michelle Kulwicki.

This book delivered a beautiful and honest take on grief and healing through love and acceptance. I loves the main two boys and wanted to hug the shit out of them so many times. The sadness from both boys was so heartbreaking. Not only them but the twin (Dorian) had such a sad feeling of powerlessness at grieving yourself and watching someone you love (all you have left too after their mothers death) fall apart when all you can do and want to do is grieve together. The ferryman was also a cool concept for a villain in that he wasn’t around as much as I thought and felt more like a jump scare at times like I forgot he was there and then bam here I am!