**Many thanks to NetGalley, St. Martin's Press, and Ellen Hendriksen for an ARC of this book!**

"Perfectionism doesn't make you feel perfect; it makes you feel inadequate." - Maria Shriver

If you can relate to this sentiment on ANY level...consider this book the wise, warm, and insightful therapy session you didn't know you needed!

In How to Be Enough, author and clinical psychologist Ellen Hendriksen unpacks the root of these tendencies, including how and why they might begin, and why such seemingly self-destructive behavior can easily become a way of life for so many of us. In short, our brain likes to make shortcuts, and when we see hard work leading to a good outcome, it stands to reason that the accolades, appreciation, and admiration that often follows can flood us with dopamine...and it sure feels GOOD to feel good! But this can easily become dangerous when we begin to equate our work or what we do with who we ARE intrinsically...and while this may seem harmless on the surface, the differentiation between who we ARE and what we DO is vital to a healthy self image and to our own happiness in general. After all, if you define yourself by your ability to play the violin and stumble during a public performance...you might let your family and friends down, but you're also letting YOURSELF down...right? And so your brain has one more instance of 'not good enough' to add to your mental inventory...and your inner critic rejoices.

But Hendriksen posits a very interesting theory in this book...as a perfectionist, you aren't going to EVER completely shut that critical inner voice off. So what to do in a world that demands constant production and flawless results, where rest is equated with laziness, and competitively-driven social media bombards us at every turn? Well, there are luckily some tips and tricks you can employ...and this is where Hendriksen's expertise shines. She advocates for self-acceptance...but in a way that is ACTUALLY accessible for those of us who have trouble viewing anything through a lens other than the harsh critic in our minds uses on a daily basis. First off, we need to define and determine our values, which are quite different from our goals or aspirations. What is most important to us, and what gets us out of bed in the morning? THIS is where our focus should be, not on what we do or do not accomplish in any given day. Once we have this foundation, we can then focus not on where we fall short or our pitfalls, but rather living these truths.

So what to do then, when we inevitably fall short of a given goal, or have an embarrassing social interaction that we are STILL reliving hours (or even years) later? This is where the other half of Hendriksen's theory kicks in: we need to learn cognitive flexibility. Rigid rules may run some aspects of our society (and rightfully so!) but there are COUNTLESS incidences in our life where even the tiniest bit of flexibility can mean the difference between a good day and a catastrophic one. If we 'should' our lives away, there's no joy to be had...and there is SO much we are leaving on the table. Reconciling your inner rule book with your core values seems like hard work, and it is...but this is a lifelong journey, with ebbs, flows, and of course...room for flexibility! What I perhaps took away from this book more than anything else was the connection between self esteem and the byproducts of our perfectionism...if we do something bad, we ARE bad. As Hendriksen puts it, "We conflate our screwups with our character. We mistake the inevitable problems of life for personal wrongdoing." When we live with such unflappable, unforgiving rules, it's no WONDER we can fall into the trap of defining ourselves as failures or losers.

I don't know that I've ever read a self-help non-fiction book QUITE like this before: Hendriksen effortlessly balances her research, anecdotes from her patient's lives (with names changed, of course) with practical advice, and COMPASSION, not to mention a touch of humor. I think part of the reason for this is that as a 'recovering' perfectionist HERSELF, she is quite literally the voice of experience. Hendriksen has had to tackle her own demons, do the work, and has been able to TRULY pay it forward...and what better way for her to live her values than that? The only thing I felt that was missing from this book was a quick sort of summary/reference guide at the end, perhaps one that could be printed and tucked in a wallet or a journal, just as a reminder for those times when the loud and inflexible inner critic sort of drowns out all sounds in the world around you. I also think a supplementary workbook would be EXCELLENT (I know I'd like one!) to help track your progress, although I think the best marker of progress probably has a lot less to do with what you might say and more to do with how you feel...and above all, I can affirm that reading this one made me feel grateful!

Hendriksen mentions the iconic and inimitable Fred Rogers multiple times throughout the book, and despite perfectionist tendencies, it's hard to think of a better exemplar of a man who TRULY lived his values, and helped to broadcast such an important message of self-love and acceptance that the world needs still today. I'll leave you with a quote from Rogers that embodies this book's message in perhaps the perfect way: "The world needs a sense of worth and it will achieve it only by its people feeling that they are worthwhile."

You are worthwhile...and more importantly, you are enough.

4.5 stars

As a clinical psychologist, Hendriksen brings not only professional expertise but also a relatable tone to this book, making it feel like a conversation with a trusted mentor who genuinely understands the inner struggle of “never feeling good enough.” The book’s core strength lies in its structure: Hendriksen introduces seven transformative shifts—such as moving from self-criticism to kindness and from control to authenticity—providing actionable steps without the burden of abandoning high standards altogether. This balanced approach feels attainable and empowering, particularly for readers who have relied on perfectionism as a coping mechanism or a source of self-worth. Hendriksen’s emphasis on cultivating genuine human connection is both poignant and practical, addressing the loneliness and burnout that often accompany perfectionist tendencies.

However, while the book is undeniably insightful, it may not be groundbreaking for those already steeped in self-help literature. Some sections could feel repetitive for seasoned readers of the genre. That said, Hendriksen’s engaging storytelling and compassionate guidance ensure that the material remains fresh and motivational.

For perfectionists, self-critics, and those navigating social anxiety, *How to Be Enough* is a timely reminder that success and self-worth are not mutually exclusive. By breaking down rigid expectations and embracing self-kindness, Hendriksen gives readers the tools to not only accept themselves but thrive in a way that feels sustainable.

Thank you to the publishers and NetGalley for the opportunity to review a temporary digital ARC in exchange for an unbiased review.

Perfectionism is a dangerous game and one so many of us play. I generally don't read a lot of self-help books, but really found Dr. Hendriksen's new book to be informative, easy to digest, and so relatable. If you identify as a perfectionist, she's not suggesting you need to change your entire life around, but does give some helpful advice on how to tame self-criticism, what to do with those thoughts, and the importance of human connection

This book captured my attention from the very start, by contrasting Walt Disney with Fred Rogers -- two of the most influential men in my early childhood! Unfortunately, it lost my interest fairly quickly after I began to notice brief moments of strong language. The language progressed (including multiple uses of F-), and I had to tap out as it was both distracting and unnecessary. I very much appreciated the author's goal, and was appreciative of all the information shared, but ... this one is not for me. Thank you, author and publisher for sharing an advance copy of this title! All opinions are my own.

How To Be Enough by Ellen Hendriksen is one of those rare books that makes me feel like the author can read my mind...and provide some insight into my thoughts/behavior/whatever. It is definitely a book I WISH I could have read thirty (or more?) years ago, as it might have saved me some years of therapy and some $$$ along with providing tools for me to deal with my constant feeling of not being ENOUGH. The author is a psychologist as well as a talented writer, and the book is filled with stories and ideas. Yes, I wish I had read this before I retired --- but, on the bright side, now I have time to take it in and use it to make my life, relationships, etc. better. It's very special. With thanks to St. Martin's Press and NetGalley for providing a copy in exchange for this honest review, this one is definitely a five-star read!

A nice guide on how to stop being so hard on ourselves and realizing that we are already enough despite what that little voice in our head tends to say.

It's a reminder that we don't need to be perfect - and striving for perfection does nothing but cause stress and anxiety and make us feel "less than".

There were lots of insights in the book and I felt several spoke to me personally.

I think I needed this book when I found it. How to be enough... seems to complicated a thing in this world but I found great help and reflection on myself while reading through the pages. I really enjoyed each page and may need to read some of it again to drive home what I found most useful.

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

For those of us who have found it hard (no, impossible) to ignore that little voice, (coming from inside, but imagined to be coming loud-and-clear by those outside of us) telling us to work unremittingly harder, faster, smarter for after all, we are just not good enough (yet?) - this is the book to help us reset. Written by a clinical psychologist, herself a self-proclaimed perfectionist, here laid out for the reader is the inside personal scoop, as well as the exhaustively-researched professional data to help us recognize our own drivers, where they come from, how they only partially serve us, and how to get a better handle on them. With these insights, we just may finally understand, accept, and even change our self-critical, rigidly-maintained mindset — with the aid of a terrific set of tools, a deeply compassionate voice, and an in-depth visit with this therapist, who also personifies an “older”, wiser sister (of sorts).

Perfectionism, in all its forms, is about looking for acceptance, — socially, interpersonally, and at its root, where it arises (poignantly) deep inside of us. And therein lies the rub. As the author explains, illustrating via a number of anecdotes based on patients and experiences, — we are not alone, we can make mistakes (even whoppers), we can let go, and we can live the life we actually want to live — she opens the door to a flood of warmth driven by our own self-kindness, unleashed one tiny step at a time, accompanied by a boost of mindfulness to carry us through this journey of discovery to a better place.

A terrific read, packed with insights, “aha” moments, and just plain support (with a capital S), this book is highly recommended (along with the author’s sister volume on Social Anxiety “How to be Yourself”) for sufferers of perfectionism, or anyone with a keen interest in the marvel of our wiring - how it arises, stumbles, yet can be selectively tuned through practice, and the magic of self-compassion.

A great big thank you to #Netgalley, the author and the publisher for an ARC of this book. All thoughts presented are my own.

Being a perfectionist is really hard and to be totally honest, no one has the power to be a perfectionist. Society portrays that everything and everyone has a perfect life, when in fact off camera people are suffering. You have to believe in yourself that you are, have done the absolute best you can do.

Self criticism over thinking, judging changes your outlook on connecting with others.

When you change your mindset your outlook becomes different.

How to be Enough is self-help book for perfectionists.

It is full of wisdom, actionable strategies, a bit of humor and inspiration for anyone who needs it. Purchase it, keep it on your shelf so you can come back to it and read when you need it.

Thank you NetGalley for the advanced copy. All opinions are my own.

As an extremely self-critical perfectionist, I found this book at the right time in my life. I did find I had trouble getting through the chapters, but I didn't feel like the author was so out-of-touch with being on this side of the struggle, that it seemed more relatable. It is definitely a good read for anyone struggling with perfectionism, self-criticism, or social anxiety.

As a perfectionist who can drive myself crazy lying awake at night second guessing decisions I made I found this book valuable. The author suggests various ways to address that, allowing me to shift my perspective in a way that is easy to adopt. The ability to show myself the same grace I show others when their actions aren’t perfect is a help, and the experiences of the author herself and of her clients are so relatable.
I rarely read this type of book, so I am extremely thankful to NetGalley and St. Martin’s Press for an advance copy, I highly recommend it to anyone who struggles with trying to be too much.

This book has great actionable and tangible advice for readers to implement if they struggle with feeling enough. It did feel very clinical at times and lacked emotion/depth. But I did find the book helpful.

As a perfectionist this book spoke to me ,I learned helpful techniques I laughed.This is a book I will be goin back to for advice again & again.#NetGalley #st.martins

n How to Be Enough, Dr. Ellen Hendriksen offers a refreshingly honest and practical approach to tackling perfectionism and self-criticism. Designed for those who appear accomplished but secretly feel like they’re never enough, this book resonates deeply with anyone striving for happiness while juggling impossibly high standards. Hendriksen combines clinical expertise with real-world examples, creating a relatable and accessible guide for embracing self-acceptance.

One of the book's greatest strengths is its structure. The seven shifts Hendriksen outlines—from self-criticism to kindness, from control to authenticity—are straightforward yet transformative. She doesn’t suggest abandoning high standards but instead encourages a healthier relationship with them. Her tone is warm and reassuring, free of judgment, which makes even the toughest truths easier to digest. The emphasis on building genuine connections and rewriting rigid inner rules is particularly empowering, especially for readers who feel isolated by their perfectionist tendencies.

While the book is insightful and actionable, some of the advice might feel repetitive for readers familiar with self-help literature. However, Hendriksen’s empathetic approach and engaging storytelling ensure it remains fresh and motivating. How to Be Enough is a must-read for self-critics and perfectionists looking to step off the hamster wheel of never-enoughness and embrace a more fulfilling, connected life.

Seen. Heard. Validated. Purchased. I’ve known I’m a perfectionist for a very long time, but what I didn’t know was revealed in this well laid out book. It helped me understand myself better and gave manageable ways to temper these perfectionist tendencies. There’s so many layers of perfectionism I wasn’t aware of. One person could be a few of the layers and another could be a few entirely different layers. I’m so bold as to guess that almost everyone has one of these layers ingrained. This is truly a read for everyone- to understand all of us a little better and build compassion for one another. I appreciated that the material is easy to grasp and anything that feels Big is broken down to bite sized concepts and ideas. Truly recommending everyone put this on their TBR list!

Hendriksen uses stories from her own clients, as well as information garnered from other studies, to showcase common human errors and situations.
"Enough" is different than other self-help books in many important ways, namely that Hendriksen doesn't talk about perfectionism as something that "needs to be changed". She provides doable strategies with achievable goals without labeling the viewer as lacking. Hendriksen focuses on the behaviors associated with perfectionism and provides ways to change these specific behaviors simply by looking at them through a different lens.

This book was phenomenal. As someone who has lived her whole life as a perfectionist, this hit me right where I needed it to. I came from an alcoholic home where I was forced to grow up way too early, and I can see now how that led to so many of my behaviors about perfectionism. This book was so helpful, and even made me emotional at some parts when I was reading things that described me exactly. Thank you for such an amazing read!

How to Be Enough by Ellen Hendriksen is an amazing read on self-acceptance for self-critics and perfectionists.
This book is filled with compelling anecdotes that help illustrate the author’s points.
Ellen Hendriksen is a clear, engaging writer and "How to Be Enough" offers such phenomenal help on flexible, forgiving, and a freeing path.

Thank You NetGalley and St. Martin's Essentials for your generosity and gifting me a copy of this amazing eARC!

Lots of insight, lots of stories. I’ve learned some new things, reflected on past things. Worth the read if the subject is relevant.