How to Be Enough

Special thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for a free, electronic ARC of this novel received in exchange for an honest review.
Expected publication date: Jan. 7, 2025
Have you ever been labeled “very Type A?” Perhaps “anal retentive”? Or, on the positive side of things, “reliable”, “organized” or even “obsessive”? (It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me). If so, Dr. Ellen Hendricksen, the author of “How to be Yourself: Quiet your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety” has introduced another book that is specifically geared to those of us who are self-declared perfectionists, “How to Be Enough: Self- Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists”.
First of all, Ellen Hendricksen is a psychologist, so she knows her stuff. But, beyond that (and most important), she also identifies as a perfectionist, so she fully understands the struggle. It is likely the combination of these characteristics that make “Enough” relatable, easy to read and even (gasp) helpful.
Hendricks uses anecdotes from her own clients (names have been changed, obviously) as well as information garnered from other studies, to help those of us who can’t ask for help, see common human errors as a personal flaw and re-examine situations in our life until they are blown out of proportion.
“Enough” is different than other self-help books in many important ways but the biggest one for me was that Hendricksen doesn’t talk about perfectionism as something that “needs to be changed”. She talks about its positive attributes, and how it is the result of both nature and nurture on our bodies (and therefore, it can’t be completely removed). She provides doable strategies with achievable goals without once labeling the reader as someone who is, in some way, lacking. Hendricksen focuses on the behaviours associated with perfectionism that may bother us in some way, and she provides us with ways to change these specific behaviours simply by looking at them through a different lens.
I knew of Hendricksen’s book on social anxiety, but I didn’t read it (although it probably would be helpful as well). I definitely related to “Enough” on every level, and Hendricksen, first off, allowed me to be heard and then, allowed me to accept myself and finally, put some ideas out there that could help the behaviours that annoy me (and probably others) the most. There were so many times when I looked around me for hidden cameras, wondering if Hendricksen had somehow been able to see into my life and my brain, and I know that if you have a similar personality, something in “Enough” will help you understand yourself a little bit more, without shaming you or making you think you are broken or damaged. “Enough” is meant for a certain reader with a specific personality type, but there are definitely a lot of us, and Hendricksen is speaking to each and every one.

How to Be Enough came into my life at the perfect time. This year has physically and mentally been one of the toughest of my life. I am hard on myself and often feel like a fraud, even when succeeding. Now, this book did not magically cure me of those anxieties and feelings. It did, however, deliver a very important message. I'm enough. Doing what I can, when I can, is enough. You do not have to be perfect. No one is, and it's so important, especially in today's world, that we focus less on impressing, and more on just existing and giving it what we can on any given day. I obviously read an eGalley of this, but will 100% be preordering a physical copy to keep with me.

As a nearly lifelong perfectionist, this book was exactly what I needed. It was so incredibly relatable, all while being funny and inspiring. This is one of those self-help books that will NOT be collecting dust on my shelf, I can’t wait to buy a physical copy so I can highlight and relive these amazing tips when needed.

"How to Be Enough" is such a breath of fresh air; especially those with us struggling with various forms of perfectionism (aka consciousness in overdrive), there's many things within this book that you can walk away with. I've personally struggled with a number of the thought patterns and behaviors that are illustrated here, but have found it increasingly difficult to talk about. In today's society, as Hendriksen points out, perfectionism frequently leads to many rewarding and praise-worthy outcomes. But there are a number of detrimental outcomes, including our mental and physical health, a higher frequency of mental illnesses and suicide rates, and the overall quality of life and relationships we form.

I found this self help book to be well well-balanced between the number of Hendriksen's personal experiences, stories of patients and acquaintances, and research and case studies. She breaks down the different components to perfectionism (hypercritical relationship with oneself, overevaluation, orientation to rules, focus on mistakes, etc.) , as well as the different types (self-oriented vs. other-oriented) before delving into each area in more detail and introducing different strategies and methods for managing and improving them. Each section is sprinkled with humor and an acknowledgement that, while small, these strategies can have large impacts over time.

A great thing about a book like this is that readers can focus on sections that are more relevant for them, and skim or skip the ones that aren't. I personally thought that Hendriksen's section on "doorknobs" for conversations would be applicable for anyone; far too often, I've encountered people who can't carry a conversation or end up spending making it all about themselves. Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this read and found the larger takeaways - to focus more on values and process, and less on outcomes and goals; and to encourage more self-forgiveness and authenticity - to be applicable and actionable.

Wow, I feel like this book was written for me. I honestly can't say how helpful this book has been. I struggle with anxiety, and ocd and this book is a great tool.

This was an insightful guide for anyone grappling with the pressures of perfectionism. Hendriksen delves into the roots of perfectionism, addressing how genetics, upbringing, and societal expectations shape our mindset. She outlines practical shifts that empower readers to move away from self-criticism and embrace their true values.

This book is a treasure trove of practical tools for anyone looking to quiet their inner critic and foster self-acceptance. While some sections might feel a bit dense, the actionable exercises and supportive reframing make it a valuable resource for personal growth. If you’re seeking a roadmap to navigate the complexities of perfectionism and live more authentically, this is definitely a book to keep close at hand.

How to Be Enough" by Ellen Hendriksen is a compassionate and insightful guide that tackles the pervasive issue of perfectionism. Drawing from real-life client stories and personal experiences, Hendriksen explores how our high standards and relentless self-criticism can lead to burnout and isolation. With warmth and clarity, she offers practical strategies to turn our perfectionistic tendencies into self-compassion and resilience, guiding us to embrace flexibility, connection, and authentic success. This book is a must-read for anyone who feels like they’re constantly falling short, providing not only hope but actionable steps toward a more balanced, fulfilling life. Highly recommended for those ready to transform self-criticism into self-kindness and reclaim their inner peace!

This book is focused on the perfectionist. I picked it up because as an artist trying to be a perfectionist has hindered my path and work and I often strugle with it in different levels.The book is a valuable tool providing not only advice, examples but also exercises.

This is not a novel, it is a book that you will find things that help understand some of the things you think. One of the things I found for me, was when I have to learn something new or take a test, I panic, stress, make myself sick, but I do it and all is good. But, it always happens. Well, I learned that it could be I am so afraid of making a mistake. Until I read about it, I said I always say, I love making mistakes because I learn so much more from making a mistake than I do coasting through life. But after reading what the author was saying, I could honestly say, I wasn't facing what the problem was, I was trying to convince myself that I loved making mistakes. It was easier. As I move on, I am taking the information with me, and also the book. It isn't a book you read all at once. It is when you are struggling with something, there is information in the book that helps me.
The title intrigued me, and I learned a few things there, too. When I had to learn a new computer program, the panic started, and I stopped my brain, and it told me what it had to say, and I said what I had to say, and I settled in, and managed to do it without the stress or getting sick. The book is a tool, that will help myself and others, The author isn't trying to convince you that you might have something that you don't have. The author and book is there, for answers to questions that you have about what is going on with you.
I received an ARC from St. Martin's Essentials through NetGalley.

Informative book filled with scientific knowledge and psychological insights. It gave me pause several times to ponder more of the questions the author asked. It really makes you think. Great resource.

I absolutely loved this book, I might have more highlighted parts than non-highlighted parts!! First of all Hendriksen is funny - the metaphors she uses are so relevant and kind of cracked me up, which makes a book just so enjoyable to read. I wouldn't classify myself as a perfectionist, but if you're living in America, you can't help but be at least somewhat affected by the idea that you are what you do, or what you accomplish. As a therapist, I think this book is an absolute must to have on your shelf and to recommend to clients - I even got my son to agree to read it when I'm done! This book did make me feel bad as a parent; some of the things she talks about in the beginning in terms of families you might have grown up in really poked my heart - thinking I was encouraging my kids to succeed and realizing now that they may have associated succeeding with her value as a person. But that's why this book is so important, so we can learn more about our intrinsic value, and how to be ourselves. Really excellent read. Highly recommend.

Tired of feeling like you cannot measure up? This book will show you how to tame your perfectionism so that it can be a strength.

This is one of those pieces of non fiction I didn’t know I needed. The advice on how to let go of expectations that no one needs to place on themselves was eyes opening. I will add as recommended reading on my chronic illness website. I can’t thank the author enough for her straight forward, self care approach.

I just started listening to this arc, and I am enjoying this book! Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for this arc copy. I can’t wait to finish this book- and full review to follow. The Pub date is on January 7,2025.

Wow, I have never felt more seen and heard than this book. I have some new language to use when I talk to my friends. I have high expectations for myself and the chapter about rules really resonated. Hendriksen has really done her research and is very thoughtful about this work. Well Done!!!

Self-help books can tend to be dry and cliched. This one is emphatically not. It is accessible, relateable, and annotate-able with an aha! moment on just about every page. I made copious notes, scribbles, drawings, you name it. It read as though the author was talking to me personally. I will absolutely be buying a hardcover copy to keep and stuffing it with post-it flags. I was given an opportunity to really think about what I value and drew a "basket of favorites" that actually surprised me, since what I want is not what I WANT to want. I want to want what will make other people happy. Maybe since I passed on some critical parenting patterns before I knew how destructive they could be, I will also buy copies for my older children who might think that they are not enough. It's never too late to come into your own.

The book provides actionable strategies to foster self-acceptance and build meaningful connections, making it a valuable resource for anyone feeling overwhelmed by their own high standards. Hendriksen’s blend of psychological expertise and relatable advice creates a supportive framework for overcoming perfectionism and embracing a more fulfilling, connected life.