I really enjoyed reading this as the Nutcracker is a favorite of mine and I have been to see the ballet many times.
I liked seeing Kovac be able to see it through her child's eyes and recall what it felt like to be apart of the ballet herself.
This was a lovely memoir.

Thanks NetGalley for this ARC.

This book was a beautiful and nostalgic memoir. While I was never a professional dancer, my many years of ballet and a brief stint in a pre professional company made this book feel so relatable.

Sitting here now as a 40 year old mom who sometimes teaches ballet on the side or sneaks my way into the party scene of the Nutcracker, I can relate so much too to the feelings expressed of that time being over and different. Not being able to do the same steps anymore, but feeling the music move something inside of you.

I think all dancers must feel these things in different ways through different experiences. It was so rewarding and comforting to see them written down.

While it was a personal story, it also felt very universal, and a shared experience. Much like every performance of the Nutcracker!

Thank you to NetGalley and She Writes Press for allowing me to read an advance copy of this book!

Kovac got her start in ballet the way so many children do: with the Nutcracker. Even when the magic of the show was ruined by seeing it up close, behind the scenes, something in it called to her. And as she stayed with it, with the Nutcracker and with ballet, advancing her technique, she knew that this, *this* was what she wanted to do.

"I didn't always find my inner light, but I always worked for it. When I did catch it, if felt like catching a live wire." (loc. 1587*)

By my reckoning, Kovac was successful as a dancer; she danced professionally for years, in the US and internationally, and was able—more or less—to sustain herself doing so; in the arts, that is no sure thing. But there are varying degrees of success, and one of the things that makes "The Nutcracker Chronicles" so interesting is that Kovac was not a principal dancer or dancing for, e.g., NYCB; she was a working dancer, doing things she loved and constantly striving to improve, but she never really had a sense that she'd 'made it'. I love the way she talks about dancing Fritz in the Nutcracker (becoming one with the role, quite by accident, by dint of jealousy of the girl playing Clara), and the way she describes the ballet world in El Paso, where she grew up and learned to dance:

"My mother always said Ballet El Paso's party scene [in the Nutcracker] was the best party scene she'd ever seen. Better than the Baryshnikov version on PBS and Pacific Ballet's movie put together. Better even than San Francisco Ballet.

'When you're watching San Francisco Ballet, you know it's going to be perfect. But with Ballet El Paso, you never knew what was going to happen. It was like a real party.'

It was true. Someone's costume might tear, or a piece of precariously built scenery would break. In 1982, the guy who danced the role of Clara and Fritz's father packed his pipe with pot and smoked it onstage; the same guy spiked the party punch with vodka. Once, Drosselmeier didn't show up to the party at all, rumored to be stuck in the drunk tank of a Juárez jail cell. Fritz had to be the one to give Clara the nutcracker, only to grab it from her thirty-two counts later to break it." (loc. 252)

I love this because it feels real—not that young dancers shouldn't dream of dancing for NYCB and ABT and so on, but the vast majority of dancers *don't*, and I'm...I was going to stay I'm just as interested in reading about the smaller, scrappier ballets, but actually in some ways I'm more interested in the smaller companies (later in the book, Kovac describes dancing in Italy on a stage so small that they had to replace some of their props—for example, borrowing the only table in the only café in the village), because their stories feel so specific and also with (if I'm honest) less risk of the book becoming one long name-drop.

This is a good story, and it's good writing. I don't know where Kovac found her early readers, but she has quotes from Sara Nović and Putsata Reang, and my *gosh* I swooned when I saw that (generally I don't bother to read praise quotes, and I can't for the life of me tell you what either of these ones said, but my eyes caught on the names because they're two of the small number of authors who have written books for which I really have no critiques. (And: I'm happy to report that they have good taste.)

Probably nobody else has had Kovac's exact career trajectory. Her career eventually went the way of many—but what that means, I'll leave you to read.

Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.

*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.

My daughter preforms the Nutcracker every year for the ballet company, and her and I just so cherished reading this sweet book together. Janine, it was beautiful written. Such a great Christmas gift! Loved it.