Available on 3/18, thanks to Brazos Press for an advanced copy through NetGalley.

As a Medieval History professor, Beth Allison Barr brings context to issues around women’s roles in the church. In this follow up to the fantastic The Making of Biblical Womanhood she shares her experiences as an SBC pastors wife, including when her husband lost his job for pushing to bring a female co-teacher for their youth ministry.

As someone who spent my entire adult life as a woman in ministry and for the past two decades was also a pastors wife, all within complementarian (male headship) churches, this hit very close to home and I’m still processing. It’s pretty southern Baptist focused (understandably), and slightly repetitive.

It made me angry, hopeful that it doesn’t have to be this way, and very very thankful for a life and ministry that is not currently dependent on my (sweet, wonderful) husband or his role at our church.

Beth Allison Barr argues that the stereotypical “pastor’s wife” role is an unbiblical expectation that has been elevated because women have been restricted from other ministry roles that they have historically held.

She successfully demonstrates that the pastor’s wife/two-for-one assumption that plagues many churches does has no basis in history or Scripture (this also pushes back more generally on the demeaning of singleness as lesser than marriage). I wholeheartedly agree with her there and was absolutely horrified at some of the atrocious statements made about/for pastor’s wives (I also don’t understand why a pastor’s wife would need to be packing his suitcase as traveling is not a necessary part of a pastor’s job?), and heinous things occur when leadership becomes about power instead of caring for the flock (Ezekiel 34, anyone?). To those who have experienced damage from the two-for-one idea or from abuse of power: that was wrong.

Barr is also successful in demonstrating that women have historically held numerous ministry roles independent of their husbands (she is unsuccessful when it comes to some of those particular roles, which I will get to later).

So why two stars? This book felt harder to follow and less cohesive than The Making of Biblical Womanhood; I think the two-pronged nature of her thesis (pastor’s wife role is unbiblical + women historically ministered independently) contributed to this. However, it also had many of the same problems as her previous book, namely, being sloppy with terms. Ecclesiological differences also make many arguments fall flat.

1. Barr is again sloppy with terms.
I had high hopes that Barr would use terms more clearly in this book than she did in The Making of Biblical Womanhood. She spends a while on what ordination means, after all, which was a very helpful discussion, especially as ordination is absent from my church tradition. But, she did not give the same devotion and clarity to terms like authority, leadership, preaching, prophecy, and deacon. What this leads to is a number of times where Barr will give clear examples of women praying or prophesying in the congregation, or serving as deacons, followed by a conclusion that women were therefore preaching or in leadership or authoritative positions. Not only that, but “preaching” is used very widely: yes, if Mary Magdalene is “preaching,” then all women not only can preach but should preach, and if Katharina Zell is preaching when she prints books, then I myself am en route to being a preacher. Because of this, I never know if when Barr says preaching she actually means what complementarians consider preaching (authoritative preaching from the pulpit to the congregation in the Sunday gathering), in order to know how valid her argument is. Similarly, she seems to view deacon as a position of authority, but does not specify what she means by deacon—does she mean it like Roman Catholics? Like Baptists who have a pastor-deacon church structure? Or like myself, seeing it as a formalized service role? It appears to be the latter, from the in one place she gives a few synonymous words which do focus on the serving aspect—how this implies “authority” I do not know—but Barr uses examples of female deacons to “prove” an egalitarian argument.
Additionally, there’s a lot of possibly, probably, and perhaps. She often cites other scholars in these places, but doesn’t usually give their arguments. For example, “We have good reason to assume” that women hosting house churches were also leading and teaching, but she doesn’t share any of those reasons.
Barr could have a very effective argument for women functioning as the modern equivalent of a teaching pastor, but I really can’t tell, because terms are conflated and arguments are not given. What I can tell is that despite a chapter titled “when women were priests,” the firmest evidence we’re given is that women prayed and prophesied in the orans position, which is something that reading 1 Corinthians 11 should also tell us.

2. Barr has a significantly different ecclesiology than me.
This means that while her critiques may ring true in many other circles, the whole way she looks at church and ministry highlights other problems in the American church with the pastor’s wife role and questions about women in ministry. There is a reason that a pastor’s wife is in a different position than the wife of a man in any other profession: If you’re a medieval historian, no, no one cares if your spouse loves medieval history, unless they’re in your class. But a pastor’s wife is, generally speaking, a member of the same community in which he works. And when it comes to the church, that isn’t just a place where you show up to listen to someone talk, but, biblically speaking, is where “one anothers” (such as those in Romans 12:9-21, Ephesians 4:25-32) are happening. Note that these “one anothers” are not about teaching Sunday school, running the nursery, playing piano, or even formally discipling others. So, while there is no biblical role for a pastor’s wife, there is a biblical expectation that a pastor’s wife (assuming she is a believer) will be involved in some degree of informal ministry in the church, just like every other church member, and value of that ministry has nothing to do with how much someone is paid. Barr, however, assumes that ordination, payment, and power are necessary for ministry to be valuable.
Another way ecclesiastical differences make Barr’s arguments fall flat for me is that at root, the complementarian debate is about authoritative preaching from the pulpit to the congregation in the Sunday gathering (and marriage, but that’s not so much what this book is about). Yes, many complementarians are more restrictive than that, and in those cases, much of her historical evidence will carry some important weight. But even so, the clear examples we have of women preaching and assuming leadership are not of a local church, but are as itinerant preachers or as abbesses (of which the best modern parallel is perhaps a parachurch ministry), and so while some complementarians still take issue with this, I and others do not, or at least view it as a grey area.
This brings us to one final, necessary comment: church history is valuable, but subject to Scripture: if you don’t buy the egalitarian biblical work, then the history Barr presents—especially as we get further away from the early church—will not be persuasive. Barr does show that aspects of our gender roles/gender ideas are due to cultural shifts such as the industrial revolution. Women are for sure doing more in the Bible and out of it than homemaking and putting on the tea, and there is definite need for strong critique when that’s the only avenue open to women. Becoming the Pastor’s Wife just isn’t that critique.

(The tagline of the pastor’s wife “replacing” women’s ordination is also unsuccessfully argued, but her thesis is that women should be engaging in ministry independently, so I’m chalking that one up to the publisher and not Barr.)

This book is a stunning exploration of where the voices of women in church history have been overlooked, quieted, and told to keep sweet.

Insights on My lens for Reading:

I am an Ordained pastor, so my bias is towards women as eligible for all levels of church ministry and function.
I am also a pastor’s wife and I am very familiar with the “when are you expecting your next” conversations.
I have even had well-meaning parishioners pat my stomach and tell me they were praying God would bless us abundantly.
I am a mother to ONE child. He is wild, carefree, and he loves his faith experience.
I am also a daughter to parents who are both pastors as second career callings, and love seeing my parents adjust to ministry together as empty-nesters.
Lastly, I am a doctoral student at McMaster’s. I deeply value education and history.

The Value of This Book:
Beth Allison Barr does a masterful job of unpacking church history in a way that is both approachable and story driven. Through the lens of women’s lives as abbesses, pastors, spouses, and victims of abuse, she explores the nature of women’s involvement in church life. She also shares her own vulnerable experiences as a pastor’s wife.

I found myself in the moment of so many stories - from the days we lived on College St. near the Italian community referenced, to the horror stories of pastor’s wife classes, to the abbey’s of the early centuries of church life. This book immersed me as a reader so much that I finished it in a day (while also running errands and pastoring).

For many of us, there are unwritten expectations that we hold in our understanding of pastoral ministry - especially as it relates to women. As a woman in The Wesleyan Church (an egalitarian denomination that affirms women in ministry), even my own experience has been affected deeply by practices that are so deeply entrenched that we believe them to be Scriptural.

This book forces us to ask, are my expectations in line with God’s word?

This book does not explore Scripture in depth to argue for the inclusion of women in ministry roles, but instead chooses to track the involvement and inclusion of women in church through the centuries. It also tracks the movements that established men as solely qualified for ministerial work - with some denominations only beginning the exclusion of women from service in 1984.

Ideally, this book is suited for individuals who are in any (or all) of the following categories of readers:
Individuals who enjoy learning from the stories of other people
Individuals seeking to better understand church history as it relates to women’s involvement in ministry
Individuals who have experienced life as a pastoral spouse - men or women - this book offers a moment to reflect and heal.
Individuals who are looking to read a narrative ethnography/auto-ethnography exploring the emergence of ‘pastoral spouse ministry’ as a deeply entrenched habitus within many denominations

If those who do not know history are doomed to repeat it, the good news is that women will be in the pulpits of many churches again very soon.

This book explores the evolution of women’s roles in ministry. Using historical data and biblical references, the author makes a compelling case for Christians to reconsider the expectations placed on pastors’ wives and the pathway to ministry for women. I appreciate the author’s willingness to challenge traditional beliefs and practices within American Christianity

“Becoming the Pastor’s Wife: How Marriage Replaced Ordination as a Woman's Path to Ministry” follows in the path of Beth Allison Barr’s previous book, “The Making of Biblical Womanhood” to trace the roles of women in the church throughout history to provide greater understanding of how our church became what it is. The early church history in this book is both illuminating and encouraging, and it shows in many ways how women were honored as leaders in the church.

The 19th-21st century history is where thing get dark as it shows a deliberate devaluing of women’s roles in the church. Instead of women being called to lead in the church, they were now told that they were called to be a pastor’s wife. Which is curious because the role of pastor is not in the bible, any more than the role of pastor’s wife is in the bible. Complementarians have elevated this role to a higher calling in order to show they value women. But what if the pastor’s wife has a job? What if the pastor’s wife doesn’t feel called to do what the church is assuming is now her unpaid job? There’s also excerpts from books about being a pastor’s wife that shows the unreal expectations put on them. All for a job that isn’t theirs.

This doesn’t just hurt women, it also hurts men. The church is relying on the invisible and unpaid labor of the pastor’s wife when they hire a pastor. A male pastor can lose out on jobs if his wife doesn’t also interview well for the position they are both being hired for, but only one is being paid for. And men who are single are less likely to be chosen. Unsurprisingly, in denominations that ordain women, the pastor’s husband is not held to the same standards that a pastor’s wife is.

Dr. Barr brings her own voice as a pastor’s wife to add a personal voice to the history, and she has uncovered new stories of women through the archives of the Southern Baptist Convention. Dr. Barr always writes with hope. The hope that women will see the history of the church and know that what they thought was biblical was actually constructed by our culture. The hope that once women see the truth, they will demand change. I pray that hope will become a reality.

Thoroughly and thoughtfully researched, Becoming the Pastor's Wife is an important book for the church to consider. I'm grateful for Dr. Barr's voice and wisdom, and I hope the church can change to be more open and welcoming to women called to ministry. I definitely had moments of frustration as I read, but overall it is a hopeful message of how it HASN'T always been this way and history holds stories of women who can testify to that. Thanks to NetGalley for providing a pre-release copy for review.

Ever since Beth Allison Barr announced she had begun to write Becoming the Pastor's Wife, I knew it would peel back the layers to expose secrets behind the closed doors of church ministry that so many worked hard to keep hidden. But this book was so much more!

Tracing the history of females in ministry since the time of Christ, Barr is masterful at revealing how women have always been respected as leaders in the church. She pinpoints times in history where changes took place, and brings it all to the present day.

My husband was a pastor for more than a dozen years, and I grew up as a pastor's daughter. Most of my life has been spent in ministry in one form or another. Becoming the Pastor's Wife really resonated with me. I was, as the book clearly states, an unpaid "universal spare part" for the church my husband pastored.

This book needs to get into the hands of every pastor's wife, every female pastor, and every woman in ministry. Then it needs to go farther! It needs to go to the men. It needs to go to the seminaries, the Bible colleges. It needs to go to the congregations!

Please. Read this book. Let it open your eyes to what has happened, not just in history but especially in the last 40 years. Then share it!

Becoming the Pastor's Wife" by Dr. Beth Allison Barr
5⭐️/5⭐️

What a tremendous gift Dr. Barr has given us in writing "Becoming the Pastor's Wife." This is a must-read for any believer who wants to understand the history behind the SBC's restrictions on the ordination of women. How and why did the SBC end up here? And can the SBC change for the better?

As a historian, Dr. Barr first takes us to the first-century church. The reader is confronted by how women have been forgotten or re-imagined in modern, white American evangelicalism.

Dr. Barr writes, "I think we have worked so hard to promote biblical women as we imagine them to be that we have forgotten how to see biblical women as they are."

"We have taken a position never mentioned directly in Scripture and turned it into the highest ministry calling for contemporary evangelical women, allowing it to supplant other ministry roles."

Then, Dr. Barr takes us on a journey through medieval history to the modern day, exploring how women's ordination changed and the development of the role of the pastor's wife in white, American evangelicalism and the SBC.

The pastor's wife isn't a role based on spiritual gifting or calling, or leadership. Instead, it is a role in response to capitalism, focused on upholding patriarchy and the subjugation of women. Dr. Barr writes, ". . . the modern conservative movement that glorifies housework, childcare, and family management was born of the growing international trade and consumption of domestic goods in early modern Europe."

"Becoming the Pastor's Wife" explores how the emphasis on the role of the pastor's wife in the SBC "cost" women the freedom to independently preach and minister according to their spiritual gifting and calling. But the costs extend far beyond preaching, teaching, and ministry.

"For more than five decades, conservative evangelical theology has been teaching an increasingly restrictive gender hierarchy that privileges male power and authority while subordinating and marginalizing women. The sex abuse scandals that are currently plaguing the SBC are not anomalous; rather, they are the product of a systemic culture teaching that women are worth less than men. Such a culture teaches men it is okay to 'forgive and forget' when a man admits to causing harm to a woman and her family..."

Dr. Barr ends with a sprinkling of hope: "History shows me how women like me became the pastor's wife. History shows me how the pastor's wife role has been used to push women out of ordained ministry. But history also shows me that it doesn't have to be this way. History has taught me that women, including the wives of pastors, can change the church."

I strongly recommend this book. Everyone needs to read this

In Becoming the Pastor's Wife, Beth Allison Barr provides a thoughtful look at the uniqueness of this official/unofficial ministry role and how it has developed over the years. With her background in medieval history and her experiences as a pastor's wife, Ms. Barr is uniquely positioned to address this topic. I especially appreciated being introduced to women in ancient history who fulfilled pastoral roles on an equal footing with their male counterparts. I, like Ms. Barr, was raised with and have subscribed to the complementarian view of women in ministry, and I appreciated that the author examined that view in a fair and non-combative way while making her case that complementarianism is a relatively new interpretation of Scripture. I am grateful to Publishers Weekly for providing me with an advanced reader copy of this book which has provided me with a window into the world my pastor's wife inhabits and has inspired me to dig deeper into the subject of how women minister in the Christian church.

A hard but ultimately hopeful read, Barr pulls together vast amounts of historical material drawn from the history of the church to ultimately show how the conversation about women in ministry has not really ever been about women in ministry, but instead about the protection of power and wealth. In showing how religious authorities used labels like "exceptional" to discuss the very real roles of women in the church in the premodern period, Barr shows how labels can be used to minimize the scriptural and historical record of women's work in the church. In showing how in each time period, fears about loss of power and influence led to shifting rationales for church governance and frameworks for ordination, Barr compellingly shows that there is no "clear and obvious" case against women in ministry. A powerful, challenging, and ultimately hopeful book that seeks to offer better paths forward for the church.

I grew up in American evangelical churches that were run entirely by men. I was taught that the application of certain verses (and the de-centering of other verses) made a clear case that men and women were equal, sure, but that men were supposed to run the church. Women could teach children and provide the behind-the-scenes support that made everything else possible, usually in volunteer positions. Within this, the pastor's wife occupied a special role. Single men in leadership were frowned upon, but it was acknowledged that in calling a couple to leadership, the church got two for the price of one. In many churches, the pastor's wife played the piano for worship, led the Sunday School, organized the potlucks, and more, all while keeping a spotless home on a miserly salary and raising cheerful and neatly-combed children who behaved in the church. I knew one thing for sure--I never wanted to marry a pastor. (Spoiler: and I didn't!)
My experience was common, and still is in a lot of circles. But it wasn't always like this. Beth Allison Barr, a historian at Baylor University (you may know her from her previous best-seller, "The Making of Biblical Womanhood", highly recommended) was for 25 years herself a pastor's wife. As she looked into the history of men's and women's roles in the church, she came to surprising conclusions. First of all, evidence shows that the early church did not segregate roles on gender lines as is often assumed. Secondly, neither did the early medieval church. Moreover, the specific role of pastor's wife (found nowhere in Scripture) is a fairly recent development. How and why?
Barr examines modern history, noting that as the role of pastor's wife was elevated, it was accompanied by the deep loss of independent ministry opportunities and careers for Christian women. She takes a hard look at some of the other unfortunate results, women not able to seek redress from harm, or male pastors immune from accusations of abuse. Throughout it all, she tells stories that illustrate the points she is making from history.
Becoming the Pastor's Wife is an excellent book. Barr's writing style is warm and approachable while still maintaining high academic standards and showing her sources. Her personal experience and the stories she's telling only strengthen her argument. This is a ground-breaking book. Highly recommended.

4.5 stars

I didn’t know exactly what to expect from this one - I have never been a pastor’s wife myself (we do call my husband “a good pastor’s wife” even though he can’t play piano). But I loved The Making of Biblical Womanhood so of course I needed to read this one! The case she built blew me away. She builds a personal and historical critique of the (unpaid and unappreciated) role that pastor’s wives have grown to play in church life, and shows how the patriarchal church has historically used that role to systemically deny women power. Similar to her previous work, she challenges a lot of assumptions about how women operated in the church throughout history and challenges us to read what the Bible actually says about women’s roles. I loved reading about ordination of women in medieval times and what it looks like for women to serve in ministry leadership without being dependent on men. My heart broke for the ways many of the women were treated and systemically denied a voice as well as justice in the evangelical church. Even if you aren’t a pastor’s wife, this has a lot to say about expectations for women and the pressures women face in the church. A great read.

This is two books in one. As a pastor's wife herself, the author gives her readers quite a "vent" as to the often unreasonable expectations that go along with being married to a member of the clergy, particularly among the more conservative denominations. I wonder if her comments would even be applicable to the more progressive denominations, where clergy wives are able to keep their distance from parish ministry (not to mention clergy husbands). I found much of this material repetitive, and I really wish the author had found something positive to say about her experiences as a clergy wife.

Interwoven with these personal experiences, the author also provided quite a good history of women in ministry over the course of Christianity. These parts of the book were excellent and would have made a great stand-alone book. I appreciated the history of concubines in the Roman Catholic Church and the transition women made during and after the Reformation.

Overall, the author's bitterness over her own experiences seemed to give the book as a whole a rather negative vibe. Nevertheless, I recommend it as a contribution to women's history in the Church.

An excellent book on the history of women in the role of clergy throughout history, and how the SBC has changed to no longer allow women as pastors. A dark story and well researched. I have recommended it to others already and have pre-ordered for my personal collection.

From my own experience of being a part of a pastor’s family, I can relate to and appreciate Barr sharing her perspective and desire for change. This was a well researched and well written book that I hope can challenge the church’s posture towards pastor’s wives. Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC of this book.

A helpful and clarifying overview of the development of the modern day "pastor wife" role, and an exploration of the issues underneath that development.

(I received a free digital copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review)

Fantastic in-depth look at the rise of the modern pastors wife and the very recent fall of women in church leadership/pastor. I appreciate the details on the historical presence of women within church leadership. Much of it I was unfamiliar with. Very well researched and laid out in a way that is easy to understand but also makes the reader think. The evidence and documentation are outstanding. The author covered a variety of angles, perspectives, and stories of women.

This is a book I will be reading again. I also want to go back and dig into the extensive bibliography. Very important topic. Shocking to see that the changes that took place so recently.

I received a digital copy from NetGalley. I was in no way required to give a positive review. All thoughts are my own.

The first time I encountered author Beth Allison Barr, Dr. Barr, was not long before the world was introduced to "The Making of Biblical Womanhood," Barr's 2021 Brazos Press release that would shed light on and call out Christian patriarchy in a way that shook up evangelical circles and helped many, especially women, put words to long repressed faith experiences. In many ways, Dr. Barr took what many of us had simply accepted about our churches and proclaimed "This is not biblical."

And she backed it up.

I'd gotten to know Dr. Barr ever so briefly through social media, her social media presence resonated with me - a profoundly intelligent woman with an aura of traditional southern charm and a willingness to make cookies for her students and support her Baptist pastor husband all while deliberately yet respectfully tapping on the glass house known as the Southern Baptist Convention.

Truthfully, I couldn't help but like her and I absolutely learned from her even as I processed through my own challenging seminary experiences and struggles as a white male with significant disabilities trying, and often failing, to live into the ministry into which I've never had any doubt I was called.

But, it's hard to serve in ministry when people passionately believe, and often tell you, that your disability resulted from your own sin and/or the sin of your parents.

Sigh.

I worried about Dr. Barr, I can't deny it. In the days leading up to her book's release, I found myself wondering "Does she realize what she's gotten herself into?" It's a question it appears she even asked herself I discovered as I read through the pages of her latest release "Becoming the Pastor's Wife: How Marriage Replaced Ordination as a Woman's Path to Ministry."

"The Making of Biblical Womanhood" was one of my favorite books in 2021-2022 and there's no doubt that "Becoming the Pastor's Wife" will be one of my favorite books of 2025.

Over the course of her journey with "The Making of Biblical Womanhood," I watched Dr. Barr with more than a little awe as she batted away the critics and powerfully, yet always respectfully, pointed the way toward a better way forward.

"Becoming the Pastor's Wife" weaves together a tapestry of rich humanity and academic expertise to trace the history of the role of the pastor's wife. It's a role Dr. Barr herself has had for twenty-five years during which she's lived with the assumptions about what she should do and who she should be even as she grew into her current role as James Vardaman Endowed Professor of History at Waco, Texas's Baylor University where she specializes in medieval history, women's history, and church history. This time around, I'd dare say that Dr. Barr writes with a self-assuredness that is an absolute delight in its confidence and wisdom as she draws upon her own experiences and that expertise to trace the history of the role of the pastor's wife. Dr. Barr brings forth how this important leadership role came at a cost - losing independent leadership opportunities that, as she documents powerfully, existed throughout most of church history and reinforced a growing gender hierarchy that prioritized the careers of men (especially spouses since churches nearly always prefer married men over single men). "Becoming the Pastor's Wife" examines this journey, drawing an undeniable connection between a decline in female ordination and the role of this "pastor's wife" in the evangelical church - the latter often being a submissive, supportive, and unpaid role always deferring to the male headship (Ugh. That was gross to even write.). Dr. Barr powerfully illustrates this journey through historical narratives, personal testimony, and past and present figures to help all of us, myself included, better understand the historical reality of ordained women.

If you know me, you already know that I am strongly in the Dr. Barr camp and have regularly sought out underrepresented pastors including women. I do what I can to support their ministries - whether it's attending services, reading books, going to workshops, or simply being sure that I use titles (Rev. or Dr. for example) rather than overly familiar language often based in gender stereotypes (like simply using a first name).

In "Becoming the Pastor's Wife," Dr. Barr is relentless in her passion and dedication to truth. Dr. Barr's work here is precise, absolutely clear, almost jarringly unflinching, and yet also filled with compassionate wisdom, uncommon pastoral care, and a soothing of the spiritual soul including an acute awareness of those looking for another way forward.

"Becoming the Pastor's Wife" challenged my own beliefs, assumptions, and knowledge while offering me the tools to understand and the grace to learn and grow. It will offer the same for you in a myriad of ways. Destined to be one of my favorite books for 2025, "Becoming the Pastor's Wife" captures both the historical realities and the infinite possibilities of how we can all live into a more Christ-centered church that insists on a new reality for women in ministry.

“Becoming the Pastor’s Wife is a necessary and informative read. Beth Allison Barr presents the ways women have led and ministered in churches, often if not always, putting their husband's needs and ministry first. Raised by a pastor's wife and being a pastor's wife myself, her work really hit home. She provides a positive argument for a paradigm shift for pastor's wives and any woman who feels called to minister. Thanks to NetGalley and publisher for the ARC. Pub Date: March 18, 2025.

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