I’m not sure how I feel about this book. The author has a right to her feelings, but some things I feel are better left unsaid

This is a tough review. First, what I appreciated about this book was how she explains how much anger and pain there is for those left behind by someone who commits suicide.

My greatest upset though is she throws out a theory that maybe he killed himself because he was afraid he would sexually abuse his own son. She has no basis for this, just a potential reason. That is a horrific thing to put out into the world if you don't strongly believe it was true. How could you say this about someone you loved as just a guess?

Thank you to NetGalley for the ARC for an honest review.

⭐️⭐️💫 Thank you to @netgalley for the opportunity to read and review an advanced copy of This Far by Allison Holker.

This book is very much Alison thinking out loud. She has questions she won’t ever get answered so she’s asking them in this book. There’s nothing wrong with that, in my opinion.

This book brought more understanding to Twitch’s passing. She outlines all the issues she missed. They all seemed very obvious to me, but I can see how when you love someone you may be blinded. So I think in the end this may help people who see these changes in their loved ones.

His family came out frustrated about signing NDAs for his services, and I 100% support Alison’s decision. People were invited to the private wake that she didn’t know, that she said he barely even knew. You never know what they might do, and she had a good point about these photos not popping up online for her children to see one day (anyone remember how this happened with Whitney?!).

I was conflicted because I wanted to read her book early on. Then when I heard that she discussed very private things about Twitch, I was angry and didn’t want to read it. But Net Galley was kind enough to offer me an advanced copy so I decided to read it.

While Alison does talk about her life, it’s not very deep. It’s very matter-of-fact. The meat of the story is her capitalizing on her husband’s tragedy. While that angers me, I also see the point that this can really show people what they should look out for. I think maybe there would have been a way for her to do it without revealing his childhood trauma and the fact that he had a mountain of drugs hidden away. Those two things probably didn’t need to be revealed.

Do I recommend reading it? I truly don’t know.

I have been of fan of Stephen (Twitch) and Allison since So You Think You Can Dance. They were both such a light together in this crazy world. When I heard about his death it was so shocking I couldn’t even process it myself.

As someone who lost someone to suicide as well it’s so hard to accept that they went through things we didn’t know about. The questioning of whether we could have done something before, what were their final thoughts and the anger we feel for them leaving us like this.

Throughout the book, you can see all of her stages of grief writing it. Reading her story was very healing to me and I hope writing it has helped her as well.

Thank you for telling your story Allison.

I had been such a fan of Allison and Stephen's videos on IG - I didn't know either of them other than that, and I knew he was on Ellen. But just the rest of the world, I was SHOCKED by his death...even more so that it was a suicide. He just seemed to be happy. From that perspective, I can see why she wrote this book. To give people a glimpse of real life and that Stephen was a person who loved deeply, had great trauma and loss and while he smiled on the outside, he struggled at an uncontrollable level no one can understand. I think she did a beautiful job telling his and their stories. I know people came after her for writing this book and felt she was unfairly representing him but she gave a difficult glimpse of not only what he went through but the aftermath of their family when he was gone. Thank you, Harper Select, NetGalley and Allison Holker for this ARC. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

I never really understood all of the negative publicity Allison Holker had to take in the aftermath of writing this book. Me, like so many of us could not understand why her husband would commit suicide and what she did was try to answer this question for us and for herself. Anything more than that I truly don't believe. I find this book was something she had to do, and something that I hope helped her grieve and possibly understand something that is so hard to understand. I felt it honest and could hear the anger and pain she is still feeling. She didn't have to give anyone answers but I am glad that she was able to share her story.

Thank you to Harper Select for the ARC!

Please read trigger warnings about this book before reading the book or this review.

This is the memoir of Allison Holker, a dancer who competed on So You Think You Can Dance and who later married Stephen "tWitch" Boss. I was a fan of both on the show & followed tWitch's fame from a far over the years. Holker's memoir does describe her younger years, but the main focus was on her marriage to tWitch & his sudden death in 2022.

This is a difficult read to provide an opinion on because of it both being a memoir, the sensitive topics, and the controversy that has surrounded the release of the memoir, which includes information that tWitch had kept hidden from even his closest relationships. I believe that Holker was trying to connect with an audience who may have experienced a sudden loss and wanted to stress that seeking mental health help is important for everyone. She wrote about her complex emotions & part of her story is wrapped up in tWitch's story. There was a lot in the book that was written with a lot of respect and love. There were also some passages dealing with the complex feelings that come from grief, especially for those impacted by mental health of a family member.

One aspect that didn't track for me was that she decided not to give details about a traumatic event in her life, but then gave details about a traumatic event tWitch wrote about in his journal which was previously undisclosed except to one trusted friend.

Overall, I felt that Holker had the best of intentions but also had a few blind spots when writing this raw memoir so shortly after tWitch's death. This was a quick read with the simple, conversational writing style of Holker & I do agree with her advocacy that mental health should be prioritized more in our culture & the harmful impact of toxic positivity. With the content & trigger warnings, this may not be a read for everyone but it was worthwhile.

I found this book raw and emotional. You can see the intense love the couple had and how sometimes even that deep love doesn’t make one partner open up to all the things that happen in our head. Allison was very honest sounding and sincere in her writing and I just wanted to hug her and those precious children.

I wanted to like this but I feel like it was less about her journey and more like I’m a victim. With all the controversy coming out recently, I would have liked to see Allison portraying herself as a strong resilient mother but I just didn’t see that.

A well-written, interesting memoir about the life Allison Holker of So You Think You Can Dance fame thought she knew with her husband, Stephen (tWitch) Boss, and the aftermath of his suicide. I think memoirs are important because they give the author a chance to share their side of the story, and reflect on the path that led them to where they are in life. This is hard to read as a fan of both of theirs, yet it unveils the reality that everyone is struggling with something. It also shows the remarkable resilience of family and healing. I think it's easy to read this with an eye toward judging what she did or didn't do, but if we look at this as her journey, it is a very emotional read that will stick with the reader.

Thank you to Harper Select and Allison Holker for this heartbreaking yet resilient book. I had to really take my time and absorb her words and how Stephen's death has affected who she is and who her children are. This was a tragedy yet as Allison points out a clear choice. Suicide is just a word it is not the aftermath of what everyone who is left experiences as their loved one is gone yet still and will always have that piece of time of their lives. This is a forever choice, there is no going back. We all saw that smiling, dancing, handsome man, we did not know who he was or what he was facing. Read this book, listen to her pain, and remember there is always a choice.

Thanks to Netgalley and Harper Select for eARC.

Rough book. But that's to be expected when talking about suicide. I think it was handled exceptionally well; the love and hurt are quite clear, to me. Nothing heinous or malicious, just raw honesty and heartbreak. It just....really effing sucks. What happened.

As for the writing style, I prefer memoirs that feel personal, like they're telling the story in person or you're reading their journal, but this had that biography feel to it; like, here's all the facts of this person's life from birth to present! It's not that Allison writes poorly, just that the tone is less my jam versus someone like Augusten Burroughs. Allison covers her early life up into the present in mostly linear fashion and doesn't hold back on any topic, which I appreciate. I highlighted numerous passages; I think this could be helpful to others, be it reevaluating potential signs or seeing in print you're not alone, garnering ideas on how to heal and deal, prompting difficult conversations.

People looking for gore and gossip should look elsewhere.

This was an interesting biography and it was good to learn more about Holker and her life, as well as her relationship with her husband and dance etc... It is definitely one for the fans, and those interested in reading more about how Holker dealt with her husbands tragic death and the aftermath.

I have to come back to this one in time. I tried reading it, but it feels too soon to cash in money for Twitch's pain. It has nothing to do with headlines. Reading the first 1/2 felt inappropriate. I will leave it at that because I have to come back.

I never really liked rating someone else’s story. I feel like the media is portraying Allison Holker to be the villain of the story, but she shouldn’t be. I understand her having everyone sign NDAs to avoid pictures being on the internet and getting to her children’s eyes. It seems like she was going through angry grief while writing, and that’s perfectly normal. At the end of the day, it’s her story and her business. She’s not ruining his legacy; she’s just trying to protect her family during a difficult time.

I want to give a big massive hug to Allison after reading this book. For a couple reasons. First before I read it, I read some reviews. It’s obvious that exactly what she shares in the book about hate is continuing. This book is raw and super honest. What many seem to forget is when you marry someone, you become one. Your life is their life and vice versa. I don’t believe Stephen would have allowed those journals to be read if he didn’t want anyone knowing, he could have easily done away with them. God has a plan and maybe that plan is to share his story with hopes some will recognized signs and get the help they need. The events told in this book and the facts shared are so intimate but also how incredibly healing this must have been. I have not lost anyone in this way but during a long blood cancer journey at 34 I had to navigate grief of the old me and though our stories are different, I could relate to so much. I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to read this.

This is a very raw and emotional read. I almost feel like I can't really rate this book as it is the author's experience living her life and her life experiences. That being said, it tugs at the heart strings without a doubt.

I have followed Allison and Stephen's careers on and off since they were first on SYTYCD. When I heard that she had written a memoir (especially given what had happened in her life in the past few years), I was very interested in reading this. Thank you for the ARC. I think the book would have been helped by having a more linear focus - the timeline jumped around a lot, and it was sometimes hard to figure out what year we were in. I think it was mostly well written, but there were some words or phrases that she used occasionally that did not sound like her at all, and made me do a double take. She also mentioned things like trauma she experienced, but she didn't give any details. Why mention it if you're not going to say anything about it and be super vague? It felt a little dishonest. However, it was a very eye-opening look into her life and grief, and how little we can sometimes truly know people, even those who are closest to us. I think the book might have been better with a few more years' of space after Stephen's suicide, because it felt very raw. I hope that in time she finds the healing that she so desperately seems to still need.

I found this to be a deeply personal and moving account of grief, resilience, and healing. I commend her for the bravery she has taken in sharing this. Thank you for the advanced copy.

Allison Holker's memoir takes readers on a journey through her childhood, her life with her late husband, tWitch, and the heartbreaking aftermath of his death. The book offers an intimate glimpse into her emotions, revealing the raw anger and pain she felt being left alone after his passing. While it is undoubtedly her side of the story, it also delves into tWitch’s life through her lens, attempting to make sense of the man he was and the circumstances surrounding his death.

Initially, I was hesitant to read this book, and in hindsight, I almost wish I hadn’t. Although the story sheds light on how she interpreted everything tWitch left behind, I couldn’t shake the feeling that she wasn’t fully healed when she wrote it. While the emotional weight of her grief is undeniable and the tragedy is heart-wrenching, there’s a sense that she is still processing, perhaps too much so, to share such a personal story with the world. Her reflections are poignant, but there’s a lingering question of whether she can truly know the full truth of what happened, and at times, it feels as though she is speculating rather than offering definitive answers.

In the end, while it’s clear this book comes from a place of deep pain, I’m left wondering if it might have been more beneficial for her, and for the readers, if she had waited until she found more clarity before sharing her journey.*