There’s obviously going to be people that don’t like it because it is after all a book and we will all have our own thoughts about it. That’s fine. What isn’t fine is saying she doesn’t have a right to tell her story. To say how she felt when he made the choice he did because it was in fact a choice. What isn’t fine is coming at her like she had anything to do with his suicide, like she’s the reason he’s not here, like she didn’t care for him, like she’s an opportunist for writing what she felt she needed to write. When news broke that Stephen committed suicide everyone was so shocked. Why would he do this? He was so happy. He had so much joy. So now here you have her speaking out and saying hey this is what was going on with him and everyone’s mad. Oh she’s profiting from his death. She killed him. His death is suspicious.

It’s not.

Let’s accept no matter what this woman does she will be the villain to a lot of you.

He went to a hotel and put a gun to his head and left behind a wife, three kids, his mother, his brother, and countless other family members and friends. He made a choice I have no doubt he felt he had to make but the reality is he did make a choice. A devastating choice.

The book:

Allison talks a lot about herself, her struggles, how she started dancing, and what that world was like for her. Then about halfway through we got to what happens the night before tWitch dies. She wrote about how he called her and was clearly intoxicated and she was concerned but she didn’t know where he was. They didn’t share locations. Not everyone does. Eventually he made his way home and he just kept saying “I lied, I lied, I lied” which stuck with her because she never knew what he meant he lied about. She still doesn’t know what he meant.

Fast forward to the next day and tWitch takes his older daughter to school. He says to her “I wish I could’ve been your superman.” I want you to imagine being a child and that’s the last thing your parent said to you before they decided to leave this earth KNOWING what they were about to do? This wasn’t a spur of the moment act.

The rest is what we know which is he essentially goes missing. Allison doesn’t want to call the police just because she can’t reach him because he’s always made it clear to her not to call the police because he’s a black man. Enough said. She does end up contacting the police though and they tell her not once but twice that unless it’s been 24 hours…. You know the rest.

Eventually he is located at a hotel. By then he’s gone. He had turned off his location. He didn’t want to be found. He didn’t want to be stopped. He left a note. We the public are not and should not privy to what was in that note.

Due to what’s in the note Allison has a better idea of what was going through his mind, but it really is the bare minimum. She does not and probably will not ever know why he chose to go to that extreme.

Misconceptions:

She made his family sign an NDA. Yes she did. She made everyone sign an NDA because his family wanted people to attend the funeral that she wasn’t familiar with. Some people hadn’t seen him since he was a toddler. She didn’t want pictures of his body leaking. Pictures from the service. His family was understandably upset and demanded everyone sign an NDA if they had to which I think is fair and Allison said okay done. What’s the problem?

In the NDA it states she’s the only on that can benefit from his name or something of that nature. And? How no one realizes that she’s protecting his name and his brand is mind boggling to me. That was his wife. I would’ve done the same thing.

I understand there’s bad blood between the families and unfortunately this will happen with grief. It’s unfortunate. However making her out to be a villain isn’t only inaccurate it is unfair.

Throughout the book it is very clear how angry she is with him. How she can’t see him as a hero when she’s left to pick up the pieces of everything he left behind. Their children that she will have to raise alone. She isn’t comfortable with the narrative in glossing over the fact that he committed suicide and almost romanticizing it because what message will that send to her kids? She has every right to be angry.

She is saying what no one wants to say. He made the wrong choice. He abandoned his family.

Yes he was mentally ill. Yes he felt it was his only option. That doesn’t change the reality that it was the wrong choice. He chose to leave a family behind, a wife that has to tell her kids it’s not their fault, that they’re not the reason that he chose to do this, and to try to piece together the broken hearts of three children that no matter what she does will never be whole again the way they were.

It was also clear to me while I read this book that she hasn’t ever felt this kind of despair and for that I envy her. It is very hard to understand anyone doing this to themselves for someone like Allison who seems to FIGHT through whatever is going on. It has been very hard for her to grasp what would lead someone to do this. She has made it her mission to understand mental illness and what could lead someone to this choice.

There is also all this chatter that she is benefiting financially from this book from what he left behind….. inaccurate. He died without a Will. That means probate. There are several properties that they bought for each child that will now have to be sold. What she inherited is debt and a shattered heart.

Saying what he was going through doesn’t destroy his legacy and shame on anyone saying otherwise because what you’re saying is that what he was going through prior to his suicide destroys his legacy. What you’re saying is that a legacy is destroyed if there is any illness mental or otherwise attached to it. You are saying that his legacy is tarnished because he was struggling before he died. Newsflash: he committed suicide. That makes it clear he was going through a lot.

Allison has a strength that I envy. Her belief in herself, in her strength is relentless and it’s also how Stephen described her. It is no wonder that what people see is someone that is unshakable. However just because she’s not publicly falling apart for the public’s viewing pleasure does not mean she isn’t shattered. She is. She is still human and she has experienced a great loss and will forever have to deal with the fall out and deserves the grace to do it in peace.

bravo Allison.

Stopped @ 55%. My decision to stop reading is more about me as a reader. This book is very emotional as is to be expected, and I decided I needed to stop for a myriad of reasons. I can imagine it took a lot to put the words of these experiences out for all to see even for someone already in the public eye. It's hard to offer feedback on a memoir as the truth is the author's, and it's up to them how it goes. I do wish there was a bit more about Allison's upbringing and time on Dancing with the Stars, SYTYCD, etc. However, I also understand why she chose the direction and focus she did. I may return and finish this down the road, but for right now, I'm pausing. Thanks to NetGalley for the look at this February 2025 release.

As a fan of Stephen “tWitch” Boss and Allison Homer individually and subsequently when they became a couple, I was among so many others that were shocked by the news of his suicide. It seemed so out of character and out of the blue. I looked forward to reading this book to gain insight into the possibility of answers about the unknown. Allison has provided a moving recollection of her own experiences and grief. We discover that Stephen was probably suffering far longer than he ever let on and that there were signs. While not always the loud and obvious ones we tend to associate with depression. It’s a huge lessons for us all to try to normalize seeking help. Especially with people who appear to never have a bad day. They could be the best actors of all time I commend Allison for sharing her life story before and after and sharing how her family is coping. She will hopefully help many people going through a similar struggle. Moving and insightful.

When you are at your lowest point in life, how do you find the strength to make it through another day? This Far by Allison Holker details the triumphs and tragedies that have shaped the dancer’s life. As a household name thanks to So You Think You Can Dance, Allison’s life was shape by the art of dancing. This memoir details Allison’s hardships in life, family secrets and the resilience of a mother to provide her children with a stable future.

Allison’s memoir details the struggles of her home life as a child. This fueled her passion to become a professional dancer. While many might look on at their past with regret, Allison details the struggles that molded her career. Rejection, setback and an unplanned pregnancy all shed light on the perseverance of a woman who was determined to break through barriers. The details were honest, thought provoking and inspirational to anyone trying to balance a career and motherhood.

While Allison was a powerhouse on her own, her high profile marriage to Stephen ‘tWitch’ Boss catapulted the star into a different realm of fame. The duo rocked social media with their family dance moves during the pandemic and were frequently seen throughout Hollywood as a couple on the ‘rise’. Then a single decision would forever alter the lives of each member of the Boss-Holker family. As expected, Holker opens up in the memoir about learning to cope with the loss of her husband.

What I didn’t expect to uncover was the raw honesty that Holker exhibited in the retelling of life after loss. The details are raw, honest and provide hope for others learning to navigate through similar grief. Holker allows readers to view her vulnerability, perseverance and garnering strength in your community. This memoir was a true inspiration to the dedication, devotion and love that Holker possesses for her family.

I always enjoyed watching videos of Allison, Twitch, and their kiddos on social media, so when I saw this, I thought it would be an interesting read to learn more about them and their kids. I loved how Allison went into depth about herself growing up, even the deep bits about her family and their financial issues. I loved how she spoke about her kids. Twitch (Stephen) was mentioned a lot within it. I found it interesting to see their life behind the cameras. I can't imagine her loss of him due to su!c!de and left with all of the questions left unanswered. I'm praying for her and the kids, this cannot be easy.

I received this book from NetGalley and Harper Select to read/review. All of the statements above are my true opinions after fully reading this book.

I wanted to give this book a fair chance because I love reading memiors and I have liked Allison and Stephen since seeing them both on So You Think You Can Dance. I was as shocked as everyone else upon finding out that he had sadly unalived himself. He always seemed to be so happy when seeing him in his public appearances.

I think Allison had every right to express her thoughts and emotions by writing a book. I think it can be helpful for a lot of people who are either battling mental health issues or for those who are attempting to support someone through their hard times. It sheds light on the emotional pain someone could be hiding beneath the surface. At one point, she mentioned that Stephen would be giving the appearance that he was reading a book, but he was not actually turning any pages. Her assumption was that he was using it as a signal that he needed to be left alone because he was "reading." To me, her assumption was probably correct because I have done the exact same thing at times when I did not want anyone to talk to me because of certain emotions I was dealing with.

There were also parts of her writing style that felt like it was flowing like beautiful poetry. The book was not solely about what happened to Stephen. She talked about her life before meeting him, about how they built a life together, and how she is raising their family in his absence. Maybe people are right in their argument that she should not have disclosed such personal information about what he was struggling with, but I think her honest intentions were to help people who might have the same struggles that he did, not using it as a way to profit off of him.

Thanks to NetGalley, Allison Holker, and Harper Select for allowing me to read an advanced reader copy of This Far: My Story of Love, Loss, and Embracing the Light in the return of an honest review.

I’ve been a fan of Allison since her earliest SYTYCD days, and I was also a fan of tWitch when he was on the show as well. I have not followed their story closely since then other than seeing a headline or photo every once in a while. I was happy to hear they got married and floored to hear of Stephen’s death by suicide. I know this book has brought out a lot of feelings for people. After reading it, I am even more of an Allison fan. It’s written in a thoughtful way, and while there is some repetition at times, I believe it shares just enough information to tell her story and not reveal too much of his. Throughout it all, her priorities seem to remain her family, which is now her children and herself . Her strength as a person and mother continue to shine,

Thank you very much to NetGalley and Harper Select for the advanced reader’s copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

I have to say, this made me feel some type of way. There are so many things she said or implied about Stephen that in my opinion never should have been written. Sharing his personal journal details and implying that he had been assaulted and may have been thinking about doing it to their son? Like that was never said anywhere and it’s so crazy to even write that on paper about your deceased husband. Some things should be kept in private and things like this made this feel so exploitative 🥴 I appreciate being able to read this but some of it just didn’t sit right with me at all.

I didn't know much about Twitch or Allison prior to his death. I've also heard all the controversy about this book & I have mixed feelings.

I liked how Allison took us through her journey of becoming a performer. The back story was promising. I also felt her pain when she described her feelings about her husbands death. I understand the sadness & the anger.

It got a little uncomfortable when she revealed some information that may not have been "necessary ". I think I would have enjoyed the book more if she focused on how she is coping and helping her kids move forward. I don't think the public wants or needs to hear personal details about how Twitch ended his life. Ultimately a memoir is the author's story to tell so it's her choice.

This Far by Allison Holker is a raw and emotional memoir that takes readers on a journey through the highs and lows of her life. From her rise to fame on So You Think You Can Dance, to building a career as a professional dancer and sharing a love story with Stephen “tWitch” Boss, Holker’s narrative is filled with passion, perseverance, and joy. The book’s most poignant moments come after Stephen’s tragic death, as she bravely shares her grief, the complexities of their relationship, and her struggles with unexpected loss. Holker’s honesty and resilience provide comfort and hope for anyone navigating grief, particularly from suicide. An inspiring and heartfelt read.

Mixed feelings. On one hand, I kind of understand her reasoning behind sharing some of what it was like after her husband died by suicide. On the other, she briefly mentions something troubling that happens to her and doesn’t go into details but then reveals a lot of private info about her husband? The writing felt poor and disjointed. Also felt like she was repeating the same thing over and over. And it made me not like her, she came across as very conceited at times.

I always try to be mindful and respectful of people sharing their truth and the only time I give a star rating to memoirs is when I receive them via NetGalley.

I knew of the flack this book was receiving on social media but I figured it was blown out of proportion as a lot of things are in this digital age. After reading it, I'm not so sure - I was left feeling a bit uncomfortable upon finishing. For me personally, the things she revealed about the father of her children should not be for public consumption. Putting the private moments with her underage children out there and making them so prevalent on social media is something I don't really agree with. They aren't old enough to decide whether they are okay with their personal feelings and moments being put out there for others to read and view.

I did not like when she would allude to how Stephen was feeling at a specific time. As she said in other moments, you can never truly know what Stephen was feeling because he isn't here to verify. I was looking forward to reading about her dance career - while it was definitely discussed, a lot of it was glossed over. Allison certainly seems to have a high opinion of herself - and while confidence is great and feeling comfortable in your own skin is something everyone wishes for some of what she wrote came off pretty cringe. Reading this book just left me with a general feeling of distaste. It wasn't for me.

I do appreciate NetGalley and Harper Select for giving me the opportunity to read this.

A very poignant look at suicide and the effects on family afterwards. Allison's book has made news recently and I was very interested to hear her story. I enjoyed the first half of the book and her reflection on building her career and family. The second part of the book was a reflection of Stephen's death and her path forward. This was a heavy book but I was glad to read her story.


Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an ARC.

In over 700 reviews, I rarely give low ratings, because the author usually puts their blood, sweat, and tears into their work. I can't give this book over 2 stars. I knew of both tWitch and Allison Holker, but not in an in depth manner. I've never watched SYTYCD, so this isn't coming from a disgruntled fan. I was a young widow, so I also know that journey.
There is a way to be honest, raw and express your anger at someone taking their own life. This is not the way. The book emphasizes all her strengths and life. Honestly, I'm not sure there was one time she ever seemed to have taken a misstep in her life.
She takes every opportunity to tarnish his memory (which is odd, because she worries about how his funeral photos, etc could get out into the world and her kids seeing them later.) They will read this book. Even if she wanted to express negative things, her confusion over his suicide, how it leaves, and affects families, especially her children, this would've been a good book.
I almost wonder when she started writing this, and perhaps she hadn't fully worked through the anger stage of grief (and it's REAL...trust me.) I wish she would've because it would've been more balanced. Maybe editing could've steered her with a little positivity.
I am just confused.
BTW, I couldn't even review on Amazon, because they are limiting comments, due to unusually high activity, so they're only allowing verified purchases. BN allowed the review. What's odd is that Amazon reviews are glowing, and BN are very low.
You know..they say, there's his story, her story and the truth lies somewhere in between. Maybe that's the case here.

Thank you to Harper Select and NetGalley for a digital copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.

I understand why this book upsets so many, but this is her grief journey. She’s expressing her feelings on everything which is valid, whether people like it or not.

This was so heavy but so brave to share.

The pain, the anger, the strength as a mother- Allison perfectly captures heartbreak and loss but also hope and moving forward. This story broke me when it first broke, I loved Twitch. It’s truly beautiful to hear her story of grief but also motherhood and overcoming heartbreak. Forever an Allison fan.

Ignore what the magazines and tabloids say about Allison and read this book! Allison wrote a brave telling of her family’s journey in life, love, experiencing unfathomable tragedy and hope for the future. All who followed their careers felt somewhat invested in them and were deeply saddened by the choice Stephen made. She shares deeply and with sensitivity his personal history and recreational habits in a way you understand she is not exploiting this but trying hard to understand and have his story help others.
Someone close to me several decades ago took their life and her reflections were similar to mine and other family members. It is a tough topic to openly discuss that you can love and admire someone yet strongly disagree with their final act. I wish all good things for her and their children and hope many read or listen to her story to deepen their own understanding of this topic and the unknowing struggles loved ones may face.

This was a very poignant read to explore Allison's journey and for her to be open about her grief and her resilience was very powerful.

3.5 stars. This one was hard to rate given the context. What a sad story and one I’m not sure should be told. I’m sure people have their own opinions on that. I did enjoy the happy parts is Stephen’s life and hearing about the Ellen Show. Rest peacefully Stephen tWitch

As a teacher this book opens up good but hard conversations about depression and suicide , a big problem among our youth. As a former dancer, I followed them on So you can Dance individually and when they became romantically involved and was a fan. His death was shocking to me as well as many others. This is a hard book to read and I understand her need to tell her story which also is his story and also why his family would be upset about the book.

I generally do not "rate" biographies/memoirs because I feel that every person has their own story to tell and it's not my place to judge.

This book was honestly not for me. Maybe there was just too much dance reference for me to get into? I also didn't care for some of the slang writing like "amyrite" instead of "am I right". This was just my opinion. I felt like book concentrated too much on trying to explain why her husband passed rather than her own life. I ended the book feeling like there was a lot of discord in this marriage and in each of their lives. I do believe that grief is a difficult thing to navigate and each person is different so I don't want to form many opinions either way. I just overall did not like the "vibe" of this book.

I am appreciative of Net Gallery and Harper Select for allowing me the opportunity to read this ARC. The above is merely my own opinions.