Do You Hate the One You Love? by Joan E. Childs offers clear, compassionate strategies for couples in crisis. Grounded in real-life cases and expert insight, it’s a practical guide to understanding conflict, healing wounds, and reconnecting with your partner.

I want to start by saying a lot of this advice is good. However, it was written by an 85-year old woman, so the unconscious biases (particularly in regard to gender) really show. I felt like there was way too much emphasis on how different men and women are. I understand boys and girls were, and to a certain extent still are, socialized very dfferently by society. Some of the stereotypes were things I've seen. But it's advice that's clearly aimed at straight, cis couples and I do not fit that demographic. The target audience probably wouldn't have the same complaint about it as me.

Sometimes the formatting seemed a bit off? May have just been the way the ebook on NetGalley loaded since it was not a final copy. At the very end during the Wizrd of Oz metaphor she did misspell Glinda as Glenda. I think this book would be helpful for couples in their 40s/50s, but maybe not for me.

In Do You Hate the One You Love?, Joan E. Childs takes us straight into the heart of the emotional tug-of-war so many couples experience—how the person we love most can also become the person who triggers our deepest wounds. With decades of therapeutic wisdom, Childs gently exposes the hidden patterns that sabotage connection and offers tangible, heartfelt tools for repair. Her writing is grounded, direct, and compassionate—like a trusted guide who’s not afraid to wade into the messiness of love and help couples find their way back to each other. This book is a powerful companion for anyone feeling stuck in resentment, confusion, or distance in their relationship. It doesn't sugarcoat the pain—but it does offer a real path toward healing and emotional safety.

this book tackled the complicated duality of love and hate in intimate relationships, offering insights on resilience, healing, and deeper emotional connection. drawing from decades of counseling experience, the author presents case studies and research-backed strategies to help couples navigate conflict and strengthen their bonds. while the book brings some interesting perspectives and valuable psychological insights, it didn’t fully resonate with me. the case studies were helpful in illustrating real-world relationship struggles, but at times, the advice felt somewhat generic or repetitive. i also found the writing style to be more clinical than engaging, making it a bit of a dry read.

if you’re looking for a structured approach to understanding the push and pull of emotions in a relationship, this book might be useful. however, it didn’t offer any particularly groundbreaking revelations for me.

it was an okay read—informative but not necessarily a standout in the relationship/self-help genre.

3 ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Do You Hate the One You Love by Joan E. Childs is the relationship guide you didn’t know you needed. Written by a seasoned therapist with a sharp wit and a deep well of wisdom, this book delivers laugh-out-loud moments alongside some of the most eye-opening insights about relationships.

From the first page, Joan proves that therapy doesn’t have to be dry or full of clinical jargon. Instead, the book reads like a conversation with that one brutally honest but endlessly supportive friend—except this friend happens to have years of experience helping couples navigate everything from commitment issues to why your partner can’t seem to load the dishwasher correctly. In addition, Joan cites illustrations from popular culture and literature to spice things up.

One of the book’s biggest strengths is its balance between humor and depth and is packed with “aha” moments wrapped in humor. The book doesn’t just diagnose relationship woes—it offers smart, practical advice that actually works.

It's a must read for anyone who has loved someone or is in love.

Wow. It always amazes me when a book comes to my hands at exactly the right time in my life. This title from Childs was just that. The topic is relevant and timely for someone who has been married twenty plus years. I love the examples that are included in the book from actual couples. The strategies discussed in therapy sessions were super helpful to read about. I found this to be realistic and a bit hopeful for struggling relationships.