Do You Hate the One You Love?

Strategies for Healing and Saving Your Relationship

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Pub Date Feb 11 2025 | Archive Date Apr 06 2025

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Description

Many of us experience heartbreak, abuse, and a variety of "unmentionable" challenges in trying to make our relationships successful. For many couples, these challenges are daunting, especially when your partner becomes someone you despise as much as you adore. If that happens, what do you do, and how do you take good care of yourself? That's what Do You Hate the One You Love? is all about, and though it's written primarily for women, men should read it too, first to understand their partner better and then to learn a few lessons for themselves.

As a professional therapist specializing in couple's therapy, Joan E. Childs has learned that the core problems and causes behind relationship strife can be traced back to childhood. This book is an adventure in intimacy, exploring universal issues that crop up in any relationship, and it describes rituals and principles that can heal a contaminated space. As Marcel Proust famously said, "The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." That's exactly what is provided here!

Many of us experience heartbreak, abuse, and a variety of "unmentionable" challenges in trying to make our relationships successful. For many couples, these challenges are daunting, especially when...


A Note From the Publisher

Joan E. Childs, LCSW has been a psychotherapist since 1978. She is a clinical social worker, specializing in couple's therapy, codependency, inner child work, original pain work, and second-stage recovery. Joan was the first affiliate of the John Bradshaw Center in the United States. She is a certified master practitioner for neuro-linguistic programming, EMDR master practitioner, grief counselor, hypnotherapist, PAIRS leader, life coach, and inspirational speaker.Joan is the author of The Myth of the Maiden: On Being a Woman and Why Did She Jump? My Daughter's Battle with Bipolar Disorder, which is presently in preproduction for a film. Joan has authored hundreds of blogs at www.joanechilds.com and magazines, such as The Huffington Post. She has appeared on national radio and television programs, including The Oprah Winfrey Show.

Joan E. Childs, LCSW has been a psychotherapist since 1978. She is a clinical social worker, specializing in couple's therapy, codependency, inner child work, original pain work, and...


Advance Praise

"With great skill and compassion, Joan E. Childs has written a thoughtful and insightful exploration of intimate relationships, complete with the struggles, conflicts, and disappointments that few of us can escape. She presents steps we can all take to build resilience and intimacy. Her message is clear, inspiring, and instructive. I encourage women everywhere to abandon their guilt and grab ahold of this book! If you've ever thought of leaving the man you love-the same one who can drive you to orgasm and anger in the same day-this book is essential reading." -Susan G. Furman, psychologist, psychoanalyst, couples' therapist

"Leave it to Joan E. Childs to come up with a book title that could make most people say, 'Yes!' She displays a passionate attention to detail that matches her extensive training in the field, along with her keen interest and expertise in working with couples. She combines that with a charm and witty sense of humor, making her latest book an entertaining, compelling, and ultimately helpful read." -Eileen J. Cohen, LMFT, MCAP

"In Do You Hate the One You Love?, a unisex and omnisexual journey to benefit us all, Joan Childs summarizes the many lessons and daily obstacles that derail couples, families, and individuals. Gleaned from her long personal and professional challenges, the book is academic and practical and will touch every reader who will recognize and find aid for familiar situations." -Avram M. Cooperman, MD, FACS

"If you are looking for an informative, comprehensive, and practical book about the essentials of a conscious relationship, look no further. In Do You Hate the One You Love?, Joan E. Childs delves deep into the soul of our human connections. She eloquently illuminates the complex paradoxes of love, as well as the multigenerational secrets of Re-Pair, restoring our pairship. Weaving together psychological insight, science, practical examples, and storytelling, Joan richly gifts us with 'new eyes' to successfully navigate our journeys toward relational maturity."-Hedy Schleifer, master relationship builder, founder of EcT (Encounter-centered Transformation), and author of The Diary of an Amazon: Joining the Clan of the One-Breasted Women

"With sensitivity and skill, Joan E. Childs gets right to the heart of the stumbling blocks all couples inevitably encounter in longterm relationships. The title of the book says it all. Sometimes we really do hate the one we love! Through fascinating case studies and exercises, Childs provides the tools we need to repair and renew our union." -Christine Belleris, senior editor at Health Communications, Inc.

"Joan E. Childs is a generous friend, a trusted colleague, and an admired mentor. She continues to bless us with her wisdom and experience. In her latest book, Joan captures the essence of what it means to be female and our struggles to understand complex love and our attachment to men. Through theoretical and case studies, Joan leads us on a fascinating journey that is pragmatic and mystical. She's a great writer, and this is a book worth reading and saving on your bookshelf." -Mary Kay Cocharo, LMFT, certified imago relationship therapist and practitioner of encounter-centered couples therapy

"With great skill and compassion, Joan E. Childs has written a thoughtful and insightful exploration of intimate relationships, complete with the struggles, conflicts, and disappointments that few of...


Available Editions

EDITION Paperback
ISBN 9798888241080
PRICE $20.95 (USD)
PAGES 216

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Featured Reviews

Do You Hate the One You Love by Joan E. Childs is the relationship guide you didn’t know you needed. Written by a seasoned therapist with a sharp wit and a deep well of wisdom, this book delivers laugh-out-loud moments alongside some of the most eye-opening insights about relationships.

From the first page, Joan proves that therapy doesn’t have to be dry or full of clinical jargon. Instead, the book reads like a conversation with that one brutally honest but endlessly supportive friend—except this friend happens to have years of experience helping couples navigate everything from commitment issues to why your partner can’t seem to load the dishwasher correctly. In addition, Joan cites illustrations from popular culture and literature to spice things up.

One of the book’s biggest strengths is its balance between humor and depth and is packed with “aha” moments wrapped in humor. The book doesn’t just diagnose relationship woes—it offers smart, practical advice that actually works.

It's a must read for anyone who has loved someone or is in love.

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Wow. It always amazes me when a book comes to my hands at exactly the right time in my life. This title from Childs was just that. The topic is relevant and timely for someone who has been married twenty plus years. I love the examples that are included in the book from actual couples. The strategies discussed in therapy sessions were super helpful to read about. I found this to be realistic and a bit hopeful for struggling relationships.

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