Limp

Limp is the darkly hilarious story of Simon Eli Vella’s epic battle with crippling introversion, substance abuse, and erectile dysfunction.

‘How could this possibly happen? Given what lay before me, how could I not have been aroused? It was less an illness than a talent. I should have joined a traveling circus. Behold the incredible mental power and unimaginable fortitude of the Human Windsock. There I would stand, naked, with chest puffed and clenched fists on hips, as a parade of stunning women in bikinis strutted before me. The crowd would ooh and ahh, enthralled by my incomprehensible disinterest…’

As a child, Simon is convinced there is something wrong with him. He is plagued with illness, has a nose shaped like a mountain range, and a distracting voice in his head is hell-bent on ruining his life.

Thus begins his desperate search for normality.

In his early teenage years, Simon’s linguistic constipation forces him to rely on his actions to build social credibility, and he turns to shoplifting as a means of impressing his peers (briefly becoming the most popular kid in school as a merchant of stolen pornography). As a young adult he finds acceptance in alcohol and recreational drug abuse, triggering a dangerous descent into a social underbelly that leads to encounters with an array of strange characters and situations.

And just when he thinks he has escaped his past demons, Simon’s former life delivers a few more unwelcome surprises, including one which results in years of expensive lawsuits…

Massively entertaining, Limp takes the reader on a funny, compelling and unpredictable journey that shows how everything we experience in life—every flaw, every fault, every ripple and tectonic shift—can lead to the place of our dreams.