Finally Out

Part memoir, “Finally Out: Letting Go of Living Straight” is a valuable authoritative guide written by Loren A. Olsen MD, a practicing psychiatrist who has counseled and worked with individuals and families for decades. The highly controversial and complex ways many gay-straight men relate to family, friends, and the community around them is fully explored: it is necessary to understand “the culture of secrecy” that keeps so many men closeted in guilt, fear, and shame.

When Dr. Olson came out as a gay man, many questioned if he was using his wife and family as cover or “shield” to hide his true orientation, how could he not know this until he was 40? The last thing he wanted to do was hurt his family. Dr. Olson and men he knew of or worked with, took their commitment to family life and fatherhood seriously, and refused to abandon their families for freedom in a so-called gay hedonistic lifestyle.
It requires tremendous effort for a gay man to appear straight: constant vigilance, the endless loop of self-monitoring to conceal and hide thoughts, behaviors, and deeds. The dilemma of a gay orientation causing pain to others, opposed to the health risks to a man caused by stress and pain.

Dr. Olson surveyed 132 men online, from a wide variety of cultures, ages 24-91. 53% were married to women, 71.8% identified as homosexual. The majority reported they would not change their orientation even if they could. The coming out process is individualized and vastly different for older mature men who may have families, established careers, social, community standing etc. Despite the attraction, desire and illicit sexual relations with men, there are men who refuse to identify as gay. These men may have an increased risk of exposing their partners to disease and public humiliation. Gay politicians, professional athletes, actors, and notable clergy and businessmen are prime examples. In a culture of tolerance and acceptance the rates of HIV are reduced.

The unfavorable irrational public views of gay men reached the highest levels during the 1950’s in the U.S. and Great Britain. The propaganda linking communism and homosexuality was strongly promoted by Senator Joseph McCarthy (1908-1957). Gay men were widely believed to be deceitful, untrustworthy, emotionally unstable, weak/effeminate, perverted and immoral. Many men were unjustly harassed and arrested, thousands of men lost jobs in civic and government service. A CBS report “The Homosexuals” (1967) narrated by Mike Wallace, continued the negative stereotypes and bias against gay men. Wallace would later regret his involvement in the presentation.
The historic “Gay Liberation” began at the NYC Stonewall Inn on June 28.1969. Today, gay pride parades and festivals are widely celebrated throughout the U.S. each year in June. Despite the efforts of LGBT activists, greater improved cultural acceptance and tolerance of the LGBT community, much of the old bias, misinformation, and poor attitudes remain unchanged in some areas across the U.S.
Dr. Olson uses his considerable skill as an author and medical professional to open the closet doors and build bridges that unite us in understanding, truth, and compassion. Special thanks and appreciation to Oak Lane Press via NetGalley for the direct e-copy for the purpose of review.