Very well written book about a very heavy and interesting topic. I would definitely recommend and I would definitely read again. I think this is one of those books you can get more out of with each read.
5/5 stars

I read so many books about adoption each year and I found this title to be so interesting. It’s important that adopted people know their history and this book explores the hows and whys. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. The book is well researched and I enjoyed it.

Abandoned at Birth, by @janetsherlundofficial explores the inherent need adopted children have for a sense of belonging and the pain and courage that is required to discover their true identity. Adoption is often painted as a happy, inspirational act—a baby finds a family and lives happily ever after. But the truth is that adopted children experience displacement and rupture from their mother and that trauma can impact an individual for a lifetime.

Sherlund, who was given up for adoption within days of her birth, shares her journey for connection with her family of origin, and what it was like to have a “borrowed identity.” In poignant detail, Sherlund describes her quest to find out who she is, where she came from, and why she was given away. And she reveals the pain and courage required to discover one’s true identity. The insight Sherlund derived from her journey will encourage and console others on the same path, while examining the inherent need of all of us to belong, and understand our origins, our culture, and our genetic roots.

I read a lot of adoption memoirs, but one thing that really stood out to me in this one was the exploration into the impact adoption has on the adopted child and how this shapes their identity. Since Janet was adopted and grew up at a time where mental health was not discussed and theory around adoption and attachment was limited. Janet's self reflection and ability to be vulnerable and tell even the most difficult parts of her story can almost act as a case study for social workers and adoptive parents or other adoption stakeholders. I also really appreciated the discussion around the secrecy of adoption and why that is detrimental to everyone involved. In the past, this secrecy was of utmost importance, but even today there is a lot of secrecy around adoption, something that I think needs to be reconsidered.

Thanks to netgalley and the publisher for giving me the chance to read and review this book!

Note: Thank you to NetGalley, Moss Media Group, and Janet Sherlund for the advanced reader copy of the book. What follows is my unbiased review of the book.

If you begin reading the memoirs posted by adoptees, you'll begin to see the common theme that runs through them of not feeling whole, even if they are raised in families that love them and want them very much. In the case of adoptees, you'll begin to see that love does not erase the need to know one's connections on this earth.

Janet Sherlund was born in 1954, during the "baby scoop" era when many single girls who became pregnant were given little choice but to surrender their child for adoption. Sherlund was unique in that she grew up with three siblings, all of whom were adopted. Most of the time, adoptees are only children or have one brother or sister. Even with that common thread in the family, it seems like her mother, in particular, was not equipped to handle the issues that surround adoptees. There were also several times Sherlund recalls her mother saying things that hurt her terribly. However, it was her mother who prompted the family to adopt. Sherlund's father was reluctant, but it seems like, in the end, he was the one who loved his children unconditionally.

I have to say I could really relate to the feelings Sherlund describes in Abandoned at Birth. My mother did not treat me any differently than she would have her own child, but there were still issues surrounding being adopted that neither of us knew were there. Sherlund wanted to find a connection on this earth to someone, and it is hard for people to understand that who are surrounded by those that they share blood with. Sherlund loved her brothers and sister, but it is not the same.

When Sherlund decided to search in earnest, she sent a letter to the adoption agency she was placed through and was lucky enough to find out they were facilitating reunions between adoptees and their birthparents. Unfortunately, Sherlund's birthmother never answered the inquiries sent to her by the agency. It was only much later that she managed to find her birthfather, who never even knew she existed. He embraced her warmly, as did his children. Her birthmother remained an enigma, however. Eventually, one of the social workers at the agency prodded Sherlund that contacting her siblings on her mother's side was an option. It is through this that she eventually met her birthmother.

In many of the adoption communities online, there is a theme of people who want to end adoption. I know of many adoptees who were placed in homes that were abusive. At the time, the main qualification to adopt seemed to be income. Sherlund's book shows us that there will always be a need for adoption as there will always be people who can't or won't be a parent. It is after Sherlund meets her siblings on her birthmother's side that she realizes she grew up in a home that was much better than theirs, even if there were issues. Her siblings seemed to be of a mind that surrendering a child to adoption might have been what had hurt their mother so much and a reunion might soften her. That did not happen. Although the siblings seemed intent on helping both Sherlund and their mother, it became apparent to Sherlund that the woman was just going through the motions.

Abandoned at Birth is a great story of the need to know where one comes from and how that relates to our place in the world. It's also a story that shows not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Yes, there were plenty of babies during this time when women were forced to give up their children, but there were also plenty who didn't want to be a parent. I cried with Sherlund many times throughout the book as I could feel what she was going through. It tugs at the heartstrings as well as shows why adoption that is open and honest is in the best interests of the child being adopted.

What a thought provoking book. It was quite difficult to read at times. The need for a blood connection was her driving force. And how different the families of her biological father and mother were. So interesting to understand the insecurities the both adopted and non-adopted families have. I will be recommending this book to adoptive parents that I know.

Abandoned at Birth by Janet Sherlund is a raw and deeply emotional memoir that explores the often-overlooked complexities of adoption. Sherlund reflects on her personal journey as an adoptee, revealing the profound sense of loss, grief, and identity struggles that accompany being separated from one’s birth family. Her quest to understand who she truly is and why she was given up for adoption is poignant and eye-opening, shedding light on the lifelong emotional challenges adoptees face. With vulnerability and courage, Sherlund offers a powerful narrative about identity, rejection, and the healing process that comes with finding one’s roots.