Single, Gay, Christian

This was a very honest telling of the struggles and joys the author lived with in dealing with having attraction to the same sex and yet loving Jesus and wanting to be obedient to Him. I would highly recommend this book.

I received this book free from the publisher for purpose of review.

I appreciated that Coles tells his story in a non-preachy, storyteller voice. I found his theology solid and was quite interested in his explanation of how he arrived at his conclusion to be a single, gay, Christian. When he arrives at this conclusion halfway through the book, I wasn't sure where the rest would be headed. He includes many theologically heavy questions that do not have neat answers (or any clear-cut answer at all). But he doesn't pretend those questions don't exist. I think this is a great read in a subject that does not usually follow this line of thinking. He never tells others what to believe but only presents his story without condemnation on others for choosing a different way. I would recommend this.

This book had me at the first page. Ordinarily, I wouldn’t quote so extensively, but I know nothing better to give you a sense of Gregory Cole’s story, and of his exquisite writing:

“Let’s make a deal, you and me. Let’s make promises to each other.

I promise to tell you my story. The whole story. I’ll tell you about a boy in love with Jesus who, at the fateful onset of puberty, realized his sexual attractions were persistently and exclusively for other guys. I’ll tell you how I lay on my bed in the middle of the night and whispered to myself the words I’ve whispered a thousand times since:

“I’m gay.”

I’ll show you the world through my eyes. I’ll tell you what it’s like to belong nowhere. To know that much of my Christian family will forever consider me unnatural, dangerous, because of something that feels as involuntary as my eye color. And to know that much of the LGBTQ community that shares my experience as a sexual minority will disagree with the way I’ve chosen to interpret the call of Jesus, believing I’ve bought into a tragic, archaic ritual of self-hatred.

But I promise my story won’t all be sadness and loneliness and struggle. I’ll tell you good things too, hopeful things, funny things, like the time I accidentally came out to my best friend during his bachelor party. I’ll tell you what it felt like the first time someone looked me in the eyes and said, “You are not a mistake.” I’ll tell you that joy and sorrow are not opposites, that my life has never been more beautiful than when it was most brokenhearted.

If you’ll listen, I promise I’ll tell you everything, and you can decide for yourself what you want to believe about me.”

In succeeding chapters, Coles unfolds, often in a self-deprecating yet not self-hating fashion, his growing awareness that he was gay, his silence and attempts to cover this up by dating girls and even of trying to awaken heterosexual desires through them. He describes the scary and wonderful moment he comes out to his pastor, who listens, and loves, and keeps on loving.

We trace with him his journey to reconcile his faith, his orientation, his understanding of biblical teaching, weighing but rejecting “affirming” interpretations, which precludes for him acting on his gay attractions by pursuing intimacy with another man, and what it means for him to believe that God has nevertheless made him good.

He helps us hear what is often said in churches that affirm a “traditional” view from the perspective of a gay person. I cringed here as I read things I’ve said. He also leads us into a broader conversation about sexuality and how the fall has affected it for all of us, gay or straight.

He speaks about his choice to live single, both the heartache, and the joy. He raises the question of views of discipleship that never involve suffering or self-denial. He casts a vision for a life that is full, and has a unique capacity for relationships because of who he is as a gay man. Where the church often sees LGBTQ persons as a threat, Greg helps us see persons like himself as a tremendous gift.

Coles speaks with a voice of conviction without dogmatism. He speaks for himself and his own journey, allowing that others might conclude differently. As he writes in his introduction, he tells us the truth about himself, and lets us decide. He doesn’t see himself as any kind of role model but simply as a “half-written story.”

I deeply resonated with his comments about encountering the “are you side A or side B?” question. He writes, “I didn’t want to be reduced to a simple yes or no. I wanted a new side.” I find myself deeply in sympathy with him. And perhaps this book might take us a step closer to that new side.

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Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through Netgalley. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

Gregory Coles's voice is one I have not heard enough of in the conversation about sexuality and Christian faith. Gregory, a gay, celibate follower of Jesus, tells the story of his faith and sexual identity in Single, Gay, Christian: A Personal Journey of Faith and Sexual Identity. As he grappled with his young faith and his emerging knowledge that he was attracted to men and not women, he found "two kinds of gay Christians: the ones who revised the traditional interpretation of the Bible's stance on homosexual behavior in order to pursue committed same-sex relationships, and the ones who repented after years of promiscuity and became straight. . . . Neither category included me." He says he was "unconvinced by revisionary theology on homosexuality, [yet] unable to conjure even the slightest heterosexual desire."

Ruling out the acceptance of homosexuality and the possibility of attraction to women left Gregory with a single option: celibacy. In no way does he make his choice sound easy. Anyone, gay or straight, can tell you that it can be a tough choice. What I love about Gregory's perspective is that he has made the choice in light of his deep love for Jesus. He doesn't lament the fact that he's choosing never to experience sexual intimacy, but he rejoices in the intimacy he has with Jesus. While Gregory is not a pastor or priest, I am sure my friends who are priests would say the same thing. Gregory challenges me to evaluate my priorities and my own willingness to alter my lifestyle in order to fall more in love with Jesus and follow him more closely, even to the point of self-denial and suffering.

I appreciated the honesty and openness with which Gregory shared his story. I have to admit, parts of it made me uncomfortable. He gives me a lot of hope, though, for my friends who have struggled with homosexuality. The choice isn't between being gay or Christian; the choice is between following Jesus or not. Even after reading this, I have a hard time seeing the value of identifying as gay if one is celibate. If anyone, whether a priest or a confirmed bachelor or celibate gay man, is committed to a life of celibacy, does gay or straight still matter? Clearly, to Gregory, it is part of his identity, and I respect his choice in declaring it. As a result, he is equipped to reach a population that I, as a married, straight male might not reach. He concludes that he is "a guy who's gay and loves Jesus and isn't ashamed to admit either of those things." Thank you, Gregory, for your boldness and your call to follow Jesus, no matter the cost.


Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the complimentary electronic review copy!

Let me start by saying that this book is probably my favourite book I have read so far this year.  It is insightful, thought-provoking, challenging, and vulnerable, and it brings a unique perspective to one of the topics most likely to spark a heated discussion among Christians.
It’s easy to debate the “issue” of homosexuality and to forget that we are actually talking about people- people made in God’s image, each unique and with their own story to tell.  We need to hear the voices of these people- to listen and to seek to understand, and in this book, Gregory Coles bravely shares his story of being a single gay Christian.
He makes no claim to have all the answers but instead he describes his journey and his struggle in wrestling with the question of what it means to identify both as gay and as Christian.
His account is sprinkled with wisdom gained, often painfully, along the way as he tries to walk this difficult path, frequently feeling that he belongs nowhere: judged by many Christians for something that feels involuntary, and misunderstood by much of the LGBTQ community because of his choice to interpret the teaching of the Bible as a call to celibacy.
This is a perspective that needs to be heard and a story which is beautifully told and will definitely stick with me.

Gregory Coles refers to his life as a beautiful mess.

At turns convicting, humorous, and always honest (see a few of my favorite quotes below), his writing is certainly not. As a Single, Female, Christian, I found myself laughing, crying, and aching along with Greg. He asks if he could “serve God better in silence than in speech.” I’m grateful he chose to speak.

This is a fast read with wide resonance.

This is a touching story about reconciling Christianity with homosexuality. The author shares his journey of learning to be both Christian and gay.