The Secret Rules of Flirting

😉😉😉😉😉

I love everything about “The Secret Rules of Flirting” by Fran Greene, former Director of Flirting at Match.com!

The illustrations and design are to-die-for, the advice spot on. I know because I am a former Relationship Coach for singles. And I know because I could have used this fun flirty book early in my diffident years, before I found great success as an online dater.

Well let me tell you, Fran teaches you everything ... and I mean EVERYTHING ... about the art of flirting, reading body language, getting noticed, and how to attract the love of your life ... online and off. And she does it in such a warm conversational style that it’s like talking to your best friend over pinot and brie.

This great handbook for singles of any kind makes this boast: “Fran Greene will walk you through her trusted techniques for becoming the most confident and attractive person in the room, no matter if you think you are or not!” I totally agree, and grant this sweetheart of a book an enthusiastic 5/5!

Pub Date 04 Sep 2018

Thanks to Quarto Publishing Group – Fair Winds Press and NetGalley for the review copy. Opinions are fully mine.

#TheSecretRulesOfFlirting #NetGalley

I’m a huge fan of Jamie Callan’s French women books, which invariably contain at least one chapter on how to flirt. Therefore, when I had the opportunity to read an entire book on flirting - written by a Match.com insider - I naturally jumped at that chance. I think that reading about flirting is fun, even if some of the tips and techniques are out of my league.

The introductory material establishes that this particular book about flirting is about feeling confident when meeting new people, not necessarily about finding romance. In fact, the author asserts that “low stakes equals great flirting.” One of the secrets to being a great flirt is not projecting too far into the future. Flirting just happens to be the ultimate way to meet more people and have more fun. When done correctly, flirting is fun, sincere, respectful, and doesn’t require any commitments.

After the introductory material, the book is divided into five chapters.

The first chapter is about getting “psyched” to flirt. Unfortunately, this begins with tying flirting to finding love, which basically contradicts the assertions in the introduction. However, the author’s defines flirting as the combination of “verbal and nonverbal actions to express our interest in or attraction to another person.” The author acknowledges several fears about flirting and confronts them head on. And her three essential rules for flirting success are very easy, practical, and not focused on finding a love interest. She also offers several simple confidence enhancers, which seem to apply to life in general rather than just flirting. Finally, she clarifies what flirting is not: a sexual come on, manipulative, deceitful, or a demonstration of power.

The second chapter is all about body language, because flirting is about how approachable you are rather than how attractive you are. I was quiet impressed that the author detailed the body language that indicates being receptive to flirting for both men and women. A sure sign that is book is not only for the ladies to catch a man! The chapter goes on to discuss smiles, eye contact, and the handshake. The list of body language to avoid seems long, but makes a lot of sense. The primer on appropriate - and inappropriate touching - is very informative.

The third chapter is about becoming proficient at flirting via text, online, and on social media. I was disappointed that this chapter was more about flirting with a “crush” than anything else. The texting section reviews how to use emojis, GIFs, and a personal avatar in digital communications. I sincerely appreciated that the twelve dos and don’ts of texting emphasized paying attention to grammar and spelling rather than relying on texting shorthand. The sections about flirting on Instagram and Facebook seemed a little creepy to me, as they advocated having a public profile for everyone to see that included your relationship status and following/liking/commenting on posts of friends of friends or of complete strangers. The “Six Ways to be an Incredible Online Flirt,” which provided advice for flirting on online dating sites, provided an interesting perspective. I was sincerely pleased that the first tip was about having great grammar, good spelling, and real words. The advice section about flirting on Twitter seemed a little risky, but was nevertheless an interesting and educational read.

The fourth chapter is about making small talk in order to confidently “work a room.” It begins with tips for preparing to work a room even before you arrive at that crowded room. I feel like I should distribute that one page to everyone who comes to my dinner parties! After a few pages about the art of working a room, the chapter turns to mastering small talk. The section about “anti-pick up lines” was especially interesting, mostly because it recommended simple openers like just saying hello or paying a compliment. I also like the section about how listening is essential for great conversation, as it outlined how to be a dynamic and active listener.

The fifth chapter starts off with a list of the thirty best spots for flirting, which includes airports and airplanes, commuter trains and busses, bookstores, malls, and parties, as well as a host of other more offbeat locations. After that section, come the ten fabulous date ideas.

Interlaced with the text are inspirational quotes about being daring, not fearing failure, and the like. These definitely added to the positive vibe of the book. Also interspersed are real life stories of the author’s clients who have made successful connections through flirting - whether they were romantic connections or not. I didn’t really notice the illustrations one way or another, so they neither added value nor distracted from the content.

I would definitely recommend this book to my friends who are challenged by meeting strangers and having fun at large events. It feels like a more grounded update to Jeanne Martinet’s The Art of Mingling, which I absolutely loved when that came out.

This book helps you overcome your anxiety to approach someone new. There is lots of information on how to approach a person, how to read body language, what to say and what better not to say, and even likely spots for a flirt - I was astonished to see "at a funeral" among those.

You might not be always successful, rejection is part of the game and there are a lot of tips on how to cope with and learn from rejection. The important message of the book is that it is not about hooking up each time you flirt, but to get to know people, which then may lead to a relationship.

The illustrations are especially helpful on the topic of body language.

I might try a few tips, but probably not all - I do not intend to pour red wine over the person sitting next to me to get a conversation started.

I have never been lucky in love. Have you read Becky Albertalli's The Upside of Unrequited? That's me. I shy away, I never tell people how I feel and I always end up hiding away from everyone I'm interested in. I also feel like I'm cursed as I've never been in a relationship that's lasted more than 3 months. But before I can even get into a relationship, I have to stop relying on fate and actually be active in trying to meet people and act on my crushes. I've only been in three short relationships and I am nearly 23! Because of this, I decided to give this book a try. And I was instantly impressed!

It's the perfect length for me. Long enough to be detailed and contain a lot of advice, but short enough that it doesn't feel daunting and isn't too long (unlike the book I will be talking about later). It is also filled with beautiful illustrations, and colourful graphics which I find always makes me more interested to read a non-fiction book. It's eye-catching and easy to read with straightforward advice. 

This book is full of so many tips and tricks, a lot of them make so much sense once you read them too. But is also full of positive, optimistic stories from real people which make you believe that these tips really work. But this book isn't just about finding love through flirting, but also finding connections. It's about having a passing moment of fun with a stranger, building new friendships, networking but most importantly, it's about believing in yourself and finding confidence. 

I thought that the advice might be cheesy, that I might have read it all before. But It's not. It's all real-world advice, practical advice. I screenshot so many pages for future reference as I want to try out a lot of the techniques. They are subtle, and probably obvious to many flirting-pros, but to me, and to others like me who struggle with self-confidence, with knowing what to do when you have a crush, and with approaching people. This book is incredibly helpful. It's like talking to an old friend, a wise friend who is kind, thoughtful and gentle with their encouragement and advice. 

I also really loved the inspirational quotes that are placed around each chapter. My favourite is:

Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. -Oprah Winfrey

I find this quote really inspiring and it makes me feel like I really want to go and put myself out there and try and be more confident. 

The whole book makes me feel more confident. After reading this book I can't wait to go out and meet some new people, to try and find my inner confidence using the techniques she outlines. Or even try the online dating tips that are outlined in chapter three! 

I LOVED this book. I really feel like I can do this now. That I can start to be more active in my own love-life instead of sitting back and waiting for something that's not really happening. So thank you Fran Greene, thank you for helping me to believe in myself.

I love every detail of this book!
The page design and illustrations are absolutely gorgeous, and I like how the book provides advice for different situations. How to flirt in person? How to flirt through Instagram? Why flirt? The advice ideas are detailed and practical, the book even provides advice on conquering the fears of getting rejected, and provides easy-to-understand guides to reading body language correctly.

The author wrote in a warm tone, as if talking to readers in person and offering her own experiences. While reading this book, unlike some other self-help guides, I felt encouraged to read on, to seek for deeper advice, and that the author was a patient counselor ready to hear out all my fears and my problems.

Best handbook on romantic relationships ever. I said EVER.
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Overall: 5/5
Cover: 4/5
Writing: 5/5
Appealing: 5/5
Content: 5/5
Illustrations: 5/5 (LOVE THEM)
Page Design: 5/5 (easy and comfortable to read)
Will I get a copy? : OF COURSE.

"Have you ever considered flirting at a funeral...?"

That's one of my first impressions of this book.

I need to note that, for nine years, I was the most read dating columist on the planet. I wrote for big media and have probably read or at least heard of every dating book you can think of. My job title was as hilarious as the author's. "Dating Expert".

I should also note that, at one point, said big media also owned Match.com, the company the author used to work for.

With that in mind, I had high expecations of this book. I mean, SECRET rules of flirting. I'm excited (truly). I want to hear about all the stuff I haven't yet, or at the very least, have someone bring to light all the secrets that those of us in the industry know about, but rarely get the opportunity to share.

The first nugget came early, in the introduction. "Low stakes equals great flirting". While she doesn't go into detail as to what this means exactly, (other than to say don't look into the future, stay present), I would agree this is an important nugget and probably the most useful for most of us.

Does the book offer up more great little tidbits? I'd say... yes. While much of it is straightforward and common knowledge, I'd say this book would be exceptionally useful to (a) those that feel they get rejected often, (b) those that can't or don't know how to flirt, or (c) can't seem to meet new people no matter what they do.

For instance, seeing rejection as a good thing. (Truly, it is!) When you can wrap your head around this process.... it's a win-win for everyone. You don't waste your time with someone that's not interested, and they don't feel bad for having to say no.

I didn't find a lot of "secrets" in here, I'll be honest. But "The Secret Rules of Flirting" is a light-hearted, ''flirty, fun read that I would wholeheartedly recommend to my readers struggling with connection and playfulness in a romantic context.