Start with the Heart

The broader cultural expectations of parenting has shifted in the last decade. Parenting in and outside of the Christian familial sphere has changed so dramatically it can be hard to keep track of the new standards. Feeding, clothing, and housing them while forcing them to go to church may have been enough for generations past but parenting now is more complex and nuanced.

When I saw Dr. Koch’s “Start With the Heart,” I was curious to read a Christian perspective of thoughtful and intentional parenting in the modern world. For a little background, my husband and I were both raised by Christian parents but with a great deal of with legalism or spiritualism and an insufficient amount of balance. What our parents wanted most was the appearance of obedient progeny, the kind who went through the motions of church and didn’t embarrass them via rebellion. What my husband and I want most as parents: is to understand our children, raise them to seek and own their relationship with God and be equipped to be healthy and whole adults.

With that said, Dr. Koch’s book maybe a good start for Christian parents that may have to unlearn what their well (and sometimes not well) intentioned parents taught them about what it means to be a Christian parent. I could tell by both the framing and who did the foreword that this book is from more of a conservative lens. My biggest issue is that the book only grazed the surface in areas I wished they deviled deeper into, I think there are good scriptural connects and foods for thought for parents that are trying to equip themselves to be better and holistic leaders in their home and in their journey with their children. This book is a good starting point for those who haven’t considered the topic to in deeply before but for folks like myself who have already invested time in books, Christian therapy sessions and podcast, this may be a bit redundant, underdeveloped or not well aligned. Also, as a person of color, there is a cultural sterility to the book that makes it feel written only for a certain sub-population of North American Christianity. I would recommend the book to some of my friends but not as widely as some of the well thumbed gems on my bookshelf or kindle.

Start with the Heart is a great parenting guide. Wish I had this years ago but I’m blessed that I was able to read an advanced copy in exchange for my honest opinion. I can definitely apply what I’ve learned. We are reminded to look inside at the child’s heart and less on their behaviors. We can start making changes first with the heart to see results in other areas of our child’s life. I love how Kathy gives you actionable To Do’s and Things To Think about at the end of each chapter.

I haven't read a lot of parenting books at this stage in life, but this is one of my absolute favorites I've read so far. This book is incredibly readable and also practical. The strategies she presents for parenting are simple AND profound and can easily be applied to parenting at any age or stage. Highly recommend!