Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me
Depression in the First Person
by Anna Mehler Paperny
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Pub Date Mar 31 2020 | Archive Date Apr 13 2020
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Description
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An engrossing memoir-meets-investigative report that takes a fresh, frank look at how we treat depression
In her early twenties, investigative journalist Anna Mehler Paperny had already landed her dream job. On the surface, her life was great. Nevertheless, she spiraled out, attempted suicide (the first of more attempts to follow), and landed in the ICU and then in a psych ward before setting out to tackle her recovery.
In Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me, Mehler Paperny turns her journalist’s eye on her own experience and others’—in the ward; as an outpatient; facing family, friends, and coworkers; finding the right meds; trying to stay insured and employed. She interviews psychiatrists and other experts to reveal how primitive our methods of healing the brain still are—and provides an invaluable guide to a system struggling, and often failing, to help those in need. At once heartrending and humorous, outraging and serious, this is essential reading for anyone touched by depression—and that’s everyone.
Advance Praise
FINALIST FOR THE 2019 HILARY WESTON WRITERS’ TRUST PRIZE FOR NONFICTION
“As gripping a memoir as it is a commanding work of journalism. With a scope that ranges from intimate to panoramic, Anna Mehler Paperny expands outward from her own struggles with suicidal thoughts to explore the dizzying array of medical anti-depression treatments that are available around the world. Personable and passionate—and full of raucous, life-affirming humor—the book casts much-needed light on one of the most persistent and mystifying diseases of our time. This is an urgent read in societies such as ours, where, directly or otherwise, everyone’s life is increasingly affected by depression.”—2019 Hilary Weston Writers’ Trust Prize for Nonfiction Jury (Ivan Coyote, Trevor Herriot, and Manjushree Thapa)
“This book documents [Paperny’s] effort to become acquainted with depression, for the sake of herself and others. She is a fine tour guide, with a reporter’s rigour, strong narrative skills and self-deprecating humour.”—Toronto Star
“Raw, frank and dark-humored. It’s not a story of redemption or triumph. . . . But, in its unpretentiousness, the book is a must-read for those who want to understand what goes on in the heads of those who take their own lives each year . . . and the multiples more who, like the author, come perilously close. Ms. Mehler Paperny does a masterful job of delving into the complexities of living with depression, the challenges of getting the help you need and why it’s so difficult to prevent suicide.” —The Globe and Mail
“In this courageous and honest book, Anna Mehler Paperny plumbs the depths of her own acute depression, and also investigates the cultural, social, and historical discourse around despair. She writes with a stunning fluency that belies the narrative’s underlying pain. This is an insightful and important book.”—Andrew Solomon, author of The Noonday Demon
“This is such an important book. . . . Paperny writes with urgency and intensity because she’s tapping into an essential truth: Everyone deserves dignified mental health care, but systemic injustices create huge discrepancies in how people are treated. I learned so much from this engaging, well-researched, courageous book. It belongs in the canon of ‘must-reads’ to understand mental health treatment today.”—Mark Lukach, author of My Lovely Wife in the Psych Ward
“[Paperny’s] skill as a journalist is evident both in the seamless ease with which she moves from one topic to another and in her ability to break down complex ideas into accessible and engaging prose. . . . It’s hard to imagine any group of people who wouldn’t benefit in some way from reading this book. Those who have been through the system will feel less alone in their experiences, and those who haven’t will gain necessary insight into what it’s like. Paperny ends not with the story of a triumphant recovery or a miraculous cure, but a call to arms: let’s fix this broken system. Her work will go a long way toward helping readers understand just how vital that need is.” —Quill and Quire
Available Editions
| EDITION | Other Format |
| ISBN | 9781615194926 |
| PRICE | $17.95 (USD) |
| PAGES | 352 |
Links
Featured Reviews
Kelly L, Librarian
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.
Wow, this is one powerful book! Part journalism, part memoir, this book is awesome. The memoir aspect was what appealed to me most and I can relate to a lot of what she has been through. The journalistic part was very interesting and probably somewhat therapeutic for her. This is an excellent book that hits the nail on the head when talking about mental illness.
Chris K, Librarian
This is a stunning book. Canadian journalist Paperny might have seemed “normal” to you. Maybe a bit anxious and driven, but not out of the ordinary. Inside, though, depression dominated her life. Paperny’s book is a look into the mind and soul of someone who is suicidally depressed that can only be described as unflinching. She walks us through her experience leading up to her suicide attempts, her treatment This earnest exploration examines depression and suicide from the outside as well as the inside. As a journalist, she really digs into the subject to present the research and how that research affects people in real life. Along the way, we get a very nuanced understanding of why someone would feel compelled to kill themselves. She also reports on how the mental health systems of both the US and Canada grapple with the problem (spoiler: not very well) and examines how many factors (race, culture, gender) can make a bad situation worse.
Considering that the weight of the topic could be, you know, a depressing bummer, this book never feels like a homework assignment. Paperny’s engaging style and deeply revealing writing invites us to approach mental illness with compassion and curiosity.
Erin K, Reviewer
Full disclosure: I'm someone who has struggled with severe depression for most of my life. That's why I was instantly drawn to this book (the title is hilarious!) and why I would give it all the stars if I could! Paperny's honesty in coming forward with her story of depression and multiple suicide attempts has inspired me to be more honest with my own family and friends about my diagnosis. Mental illnesses are left to thrive and flourish when people stay isolated and alone in their own misery.
In this part memoir/part nonfiction book, Paperny takes the reader through her journey with a mental illness that has left her in despair for many years. She so accurately describes what it feels like to be desperate and lacking a will to live that I found myself highlighting pretty much every section in her book. Her open frankness is what is needed to lessen the stigma surrounding mental disorders, and I greatly admire her ability to share painful details of her experiences dealing with psychiatric hospitals and medical staff.
Paperny's descriptions of her own suffering would have been enough for me to love and appreciate this book on its own. But it was the in-depth research she included that will make this something I recommend to others. Despite the limitations depression has placed on her, Paperny has crafted an insightful, comprehensive look at how we as a society are failing those with mental illnesses. Because of a lack of funding, misleading drug claims, a general misunderstanding of what it means to have depression, etc., we have let down so many underserved groups of people who truly deserve help.
Living with depression can feel like you're at the bottom of this dark cave. It's impossible to crawl out and most of the time, people can't even hear you if you attempt to shout up to them. I look for anything in this world that can throw even the tiniest bit of light down to me. In this case, Paperny's book has done just that for me. It has created a space where I don't feel as alone in this maddening, frustrating condition that consumes my life. I hope Paperny is considering writing more on this topic (perhaps with focuses on other mental health disorders) because I think people need to read her important and significant words. And because I'll take whatever light I can get.
Abby S, Reviewer
An intimate raw real look at what depression is like what suicidal thoughts can drive people to.do,The desperate search for the correct meds to restore balance enable daily functioning life to resume.The author writes so well shares with us her struggles and an overview of others mental health issues.#netgalley#the experiment.
Reviewer 533404
This book really reads as a memoir! That alone is eye opening and motivated me to keep reading. Very different than the other ‘self help’ books I’ve read this year.
Rima J, Librarian
This book was very powerful and moving. It was difficult to read. The author does an amazing job of describing and dissections all things related to the topic. Wow.
I would like to thank NetGalley, the publisher, and the author for giving me the opportunity to read this book in exchange for my honest review.
Erica S, Reviewer
I was really impressed by this book and the author's ability to both inform the reader and make a deeply personal case seamlessly. Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me didn't read simply like a memoir or an investigation, but was both simultaneously. I was able to connect the anecdotes to my own personal experiences with mental health struggles, while learning about the ins and outs of the legality and science of it all. I appreciate that I am finishing this book with a better sense of feeling "seen' while also being better informed.
Special thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Renee N, Librarian
I've read a lot of books written from the viewpoint of someone suffering from depression. This is the first book to feel so incredibly honest it hurt. Anna bravely presents her personal experience with depression and suicidality and does the research to explore options and the the limited availability of these options to those who need them most. Great book.
kATHLEEN G, Reviewer
This is powerful stuff. It's also difficult to read in spots but it's so eye opening that it is definitely worth your time. I usually struggle with rating memoirs because it feels as though it's passing judgment on someone's life but this is more than a memoir- it's an expose of the mental health system and an in-depth personal examination. I'm not sure this is the book to read if you are struggling with depression but those who have a friend, colleague, or family member in this place should give it a try. Thanks to netgalley for the Arc. Bravo to Paperny for her honesty.
Holly C, Reviewer
I was very interested in reading this because it is a personal account of dealing with a mental health illness and navigating the psychiatric services. I work in this field on the clinical side so it is always interesting to see how someone utilizing services feels. This was an honest and insightful account of what it is like to live with mental illness and to have your life disrupted by the treatments. It’s an intimidating system that often puts patients privacy low on the agenda due to possible safety concerns.
I completely appreciated this account and highly recommend it for those who are dealing with an illness, as well as family and caregivers who want greater insight into the system of care.
Thank you for the early copy.
#Netgalley #HelloIWantToDiePleaseFixIt #The Experiment
Bookseller 264981
I very much enjoyed this book. It was so well-written and masterfully explained the psychological pain associated with suicidality and depression. It's a nice introduction to depression for those who are trying to learn more about it.
Lizbeth D, Reviewer
I received an advanced digital copy of this book from the author, publisher and NetGalley.com. Thanks to all for the opportunity to read and review. The opinions expressed in this review are my own.
This is a deep, reflective book on suicide. The author speaks of her own experience and goes further to look at suicide's effect on other ethnic and racial communities.
Not a light read by any means, and should not be taken lightly, but should definitely be read.
5 out of 5 stars. Highly recommended.
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