What We Kept to Ourselves

Family secrets and the search for identity, scorched onto every page.
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How did the book make me feel/think?

“What We Kept to Ourselves” by Nancy Yooyoun Kim eloquently highlights the exploration of the American Dream, familial secrets, and the struggles of finding one’s identity in a complex and oft-times unforgiving world.

Kim scorches themes of family secrets onto every page and the search for identity.

I am the product of a dark family secret, being born into societal shame, leaving me with a lifetime of trying to cobble together the missing pieces of who I am. Because of this, “When We Kept to Ourselves” resonated deeply with me and will with anyone who has experienced the weight of a dark family secret. The notion of trying to piece together one’s identity when faced with such secrets is a poignant and relatable struggle for many individuals.

Kim also touches on the reality of a fracturing American Dream and the challenges faced by those seeking a better life in a new land while encountering resistance from those with long-held advantages, speaking to the broader social and cultural context in which the story is set. It underscores the idea that pursuing the American Dream is not always straightforward, and obstacles and prejudices can shape one’s journey.

Kim is a masterful storyteller who captures the complexities of navigating a new land and ever-changing life realities are a testament to her ability to create impactful narratives that will resonate with readers on a deep level.

WRITTEN: 10 September 2023

I absolutely loved this book!! I couldn’t put it down.
I just loved all the characters. I highly recommend this book.

[arc review]
Thank you to Simon & Schuster Canada for providing an arc in exchange for an honest review.
What We Kept to Ourselves releases October 10, 2023

<i>“We need to survive, and yet surviving might be what is killing us.”</I>

Predominantly set in 1999, on the cusp of Y2K, we have a multi-pov family saga of a Korean immigrant family, blended with a mystery and an unexpected love story of sorts with some then/now backstory for character build up.

Nearing the one year anniversary of Sunny’s disappearance, John stumbles across a dead man in his backyard, who just so happens to be holding a letter addressed to Sunny, his missing wife.
As the story unfolds, we learn who this person meant to Sunny and how they first met, while watching both of their children (Rhonda, Ana, Ronald) piece together how everyone is connected and what secrets they left behind.

This was a well crafted story. From the children of immigrants who take on the role of being the translator, to the father with an American dream who’s doing his best, and the mother who longed for so much more and found herself stuck between a place of wanting to adapt and embrace change but also missing the comforts of home and her family.
The subtle nuances of being Asian — being reserved in this tepid and humble way, or using food as a love language; showing bravery in different ways (navigating a world not tailored for you, overcoming war struggles, etc.)

The “then” chapters were done really well and I was able to get a clear sense of who Sunny was and the types of things she was feeling and struggling with that the average person wouldn’t have picked up on at first glance.

The characters weren’t perfect, which brought dimension. Sometimes I wish there would have been more communication between John and Sunny, and that she didn’t up and ghost everyone, but at the same time it gave the story some grit and it was cool to see her have this epiphany moment as a woman.

Definitely a lot of little themes and things to dwell on pertaining to race, class, gender that are weaved throughout and are worth noticing if you take the time to peel back that surface layer.