Maxed Out

This book is for every mother who ever wondered why she seemed to be in charge of everything, and felt so very, very alone with her responsibilities. Katrina Alcorn is here to tell you: It's not you.

It's every parent in the United States struggling to maintain some career clout, or just make ends meet, while raising a family.

Alcorn knows how it is, and shares her story here, not just to express her own emotions (although she does this with great clarity and humility) but also to bring awareness to the growing problems of American families who are stressed to their wit's ends by trying to hold it all together day by day.

Alcorn has it all: a supportive husband, an understanding boss, an enviable job, and a beautiful new baby. And then another baby. And a stepdaughter. She's sure that, as long as nothing ever goes wrong,
she can handle the commute, the clients, the daycare pickup and dropoff, the housework, the bedtime routine, etc. It's all perfectly organized on that giant spreadsheet she keeps on the refrigerator door. Unfortunately, life does not conform to the rows and columns on a spreadsheet, and it all comes tumbling down.

As a mother who once got almost to daycare and work when her 1-year-old vomited all over the back seat of the car, I know how fast it can fall apart. I appreciated Alcorn's honesty about her experience, and her willingness to share it. So many women think they are the only ones, but it's simply not true.

I also liked the way Alcorn framed her story with facts. She includes information about workplace rights for nursing mothers, statistics about family leave laws in our country and others, and analysis of employment trends over the past several decades. This information makes it clear that her story is not unique.

 

I usually stick to fiction but I'm always interested in overworked family non-fiction. I loved my Gender and Work class at college and find it so fascinating that there are so many problems facing today's working families and so few solutions.  Katrina Alcorn provides readers with her own first person account of a growing career and family. Even after reading other similar accounts it is still always reassuring to read yet another woman's struggle. It validates most women's internal thoughts with the relief that "I'm not alone" and "Someone else feels this way?' or simply "Ok. So I'm not crazy."Alcorn quotes Arlie Hochschild  and Anne Marie Slaughter and references  many previous works that mothers have read in the hopes that there is a secret in there somewhere of how to make it all work. How to have it all. Alcorn provides several suggestions such as a "GI Bill" for parents wishing to reenter the workforce and list of ways each personal can individually work to bring about changes. So many mothers are struggling that they rarely have a free moment to pee alone, let alone bring about radical changes, but Alcorn provides small steps that can affect a big change. 
One quote from the book really stood out for me and I feel it encompasses a large demographic of mothers. When Katrina is negotiating with her boss, Sonya, (who is also a mother) over her maternity leave, Sonya states "I never had the luxury of working four days a week." But Katrina hears that "she didn't get this time; why did I think I was entitled to it?" The resentment of and jealousy among mothers is rarely discussed and instead the media turns out Mommy Wars pieces. If a mom had to pump breastmilk sitting in a bathroom it is understandable why she would resent that her company now provides lounges. Or when she's juggled child care for years and now the new mothers are able to bring their babies into the office. I would like to say that I would be thinking "Good for them" and "glad these changes are coming about" but I know that I would be silently seething and thinking "how unfair" because that was not an option for me. Ugly truth, but when you have been desperate for a break of any kind, and are "maxed out" it is going to be difficult to look at the big picture.  This demographic of women could be just as difficult to get on the side of change as the patriarchal corporations.
While this book does focus on mothers, it is important to acknowledge that changing family dynamics do not limit the maxing out of parents to mothers exclusively. However a family is structured, it needs support and flexibility to balance work and life. While families have changed, corporate practices have not and everyone is suffering. The current models are deficient. It is time to look to successful models and decide which policies can be incorporated.

I will definitely recommend this book to the multitude of mothers I encounter everyday. Maxed Out is an important contribution to the discussions of gender and the work/life balance and will become as referenced as its predecesors.

Synopsis:
Subtitled: American Moms on the Brink.

Review:
Where on earth to begin with my praise for Maxed Out? Katrina Alcorn‘s memoir/cultural analysis is an honest, well-researched, and absolutely necessary addition to the conversation about women in the workplace. The political is personal, and she astutely uses her own story of corporate burnout and panic attacks to highlight the ways in which corporate culture and expectations are at odds with what is best for families with children.

Alcorn puts her arguments into a larger context, showing how the very act of having children puts a working parent–especially a mother–into an adversarial relationship with every single person and entity with which she is connected. The notion that balancing work obligations and family commitments is a juggling act of epic proportions is hardly novel ground, but Alcorn offers levels of detail that really bring the issues to life.

And while Alcorn raises the usual issues of better maternity leave (and paternity leave, too), she also paints a picture of corporate life that makes you wonder whether or not it’s healthy for the childless, either. For a taste of her views on the subject, check out herreview of Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean in. Here’s a great quote:

The problem we should be talking about is why jobs in leadership—any job, really—require people to work such crushingly long hours, to never take any extended time off, and never ever—heaven forbid—unplug. When we frame the problem, again and again, around personal choices, we let the workplace, and society, off the hook.

Great stuff, and a worthy addition to a vital conversation.