A Dumb Birds Field Guide to the Worst Birds Ever

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Pub Date Mar 11 2025 | Archive Date Mar 10 2025

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Description

Professional birding amateur and national bestselling author Matt Kracht has had it with these goddamn birds. His new book is a warning, a field guide to help you identify and stay away from the absolute worst birds ever to plague planet Earth. Featuring an all-new scientific scale devised by the author that proves how awful birds really are.

 We can all agree—birds are terrible. They're stupid and won't shut up.

Featuring fifty of the absolute worst birds to fly the earth, Kracht identifies each of their most terrible qualities, details exactly why they suck, and shows you why with furious (but actually quite lovely) full-color drawings. Including all-new, all-worst fowl, such as:

  • The absolute waste of feathers Cruddy Turdstone (Ruddy Turnstone)
  • The utter a-hole Blank Staring-Eyes Flycrapper (Black Paradise Flycatcher)
  • The outright loser Dowdy Woodfucker (Downy Woodpecker)
  • And many more
 
Even the author's previous bird takedown guides are no preparation for this hilariously harrowing collection of squawking, conceited, trash-eating, and even murderous idiots. The horror. The horror . . .

LOVE BIRDS? HATE BIRDS?: For those who hate birds and for bird lovers everywhere with a sense of humor, this illustrated handbook is equal parts profane and funny, and—let's face it—true.

BESTSELLING AUTHOR: Matt Kracht is the author of the bestselling Field Guide to Dumb Birds series, including The Field Guide to Dumb Birds of North America, The Field Guide to Dumb Birds of the Whole Stupid World, and The Big Dumb Bird Journal, and (in a startling turn of enthusiasm) OMFG, BEES!

ENTERTAINING AND EDUCATIONAL: This uproarious guide to all things wings includes migratory maps, tips for bird identification, musings on the avian population and classification, and more. Plus, each entry is accompanied by facts about a bird's (annoying) call, its (dumb) migratory pattern, its (downright tacky) markings, and more.
 
TRULY THE WORST BIRDS---A MUST-HAVE GUIDE: Even if you're familiar with the winged disasters from Matt's previous guidebook/warnings, buckle up. From the introduction:
"Birds are TERRIBLE. I have spent years, YEARS, of my life studying birds. Watching them. Analyzing their behaviors. Determining their ‘contributions’ to the world. I am an expert, so believe me when I tell you this: Birds are horrible people. And the birds included in THIS book are, by far, the worst of the lot. Of all the shit-eating birds that I’ve had the misfortune to catalog over the course of my career as a scientist and professional bird critic, THESE birds take the absolute SHIT-CAKE!"
 
GREAT GIFT FOR BIRD LOVERS: Pair with The Field Guide to Dumb Birds Sticker Book to create the perfect present for full-on bird experts and amateur birders alike.

Perfect for:
  • Birdwatching and nature enthusiasts
  • People who think birds are creepy or annoying (and people who love birds but also enjoy a good laugh)
  • Anyone looking for the ultimate coffee table book or bar-top conversation starter
  • Gift givers seeking a fun, quirky gift for their favorite bird enthusiast or animal lover
Professional birding amateur and national bestselling author Matt Kracht has had it with these goddamn birds. His new book is a warning, a field guide to help you identify and stay away from the...

Available Editions

EDITION Paperback
ISBN 9781797232751
PRICE $15.95 (USD)
PAGES 200

Available on NetGalley

Download (PDF)

Average rating from 22 members


Featured Reviews

I have Kracht's first two bird guides and was very excited to see that a third one is in the works. His scientific research and work on the BUMMR scale is absolutely invaluable to anyone who encounters birds (this is everyone -- you cannot birds).

Fans of his earlier books will enjoy the continued humor here. And you might even learn real facts about bird feet!

I look forward to purchasing a physical copy when this hits shelves!

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As you'd imagine from Matt Kracht, it's another book about how much he hates birds. I do agree that some of the worst birds are in there, including the mockingbird (which has sang directly outside my bedroom window until midnight on some nights) and the Canadian goose (if you know you know). The illustrations are good, the humor is there - it's a fun field-guide type read!

Thanks to NetGalley and Chronicle Books for the advanced reader copy for review!

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I can very honestly say i have never been more pleased with a book i downloaded on a whim at like 1130 pm. I love birds but I also very strongly believe that they have to be some of the dumbest creatures on this green earth. I recently got into bird watching over the winter when my husband showed up at the house with a bird feeder and told me to go find the binoculars and put them by the back window so we can look at the birds that come to the feeder, and even bought a few other field guides for bird watching; but this will absolutely be my favorite and plan on buying the physical book when it comes out. The artwork is gorgeous, the annotations are relevant and informative, but also funny. Im so glad that I downloaded this book!

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This is a hilarious satire of a bird book. It would make a great gift for anyone who does want to learn a thing or two about the birds that annoy them in their backyards. I don't mean the person with a casual interest that thinks birds are pretty to watch. I mean the person that says that they're going to get their paint ball gun out to shot that dang pileated woodpecker that's putting holes in the siding. They know what they're talking about but are also wanting to gripe about it too.

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Crude. Hilarious. And yet still somehow informative?
For professional birders, casual birders, and even those people that have seen a bird that one time.
Great for a gift.

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A Dumb Birds Field Guide to the Worst Birds Ever is a fantastic addition to a delightful series that imparts fascinating information in the funniest way possible. Beautiful illustrations and informative and interesting information sit alongside dirty words and the honest truth about just how bizarre (and occasionally annoying) these amazing creatures can be. I laughed out loud and learned a lot!

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This book was exactly what I expected to read when I picked up a book written by professional birding amateur Matt Kracht. As with all of his other books and planners I found myself laughing and learning at the same time - well more laughing than learning but I did learn a lot about bird feet which I didn't expect. The addition of the BUMMR ratings was unique and entertaining.

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This was such a fun concept for a bird book, I actually learned a bit about different birds and it had that humor that I was looking for. Matt Kracht wrote this well and I enjoyed the art in this book. It had everything that I hoped and enjoyed reading this.

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I love this book series, and I was very excited to see another one was coming out. As usual, I laughed my way through this book, but also learned a little. Thanks to Netgalley for the free copy in exchange for an honest review.

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I received an arc of this title from NetGalley for an honest review. I have 4enjoyed Matt Kracht's other books about dumb birds, and I hope that non-bird people pick them up and learn how great birds really are.

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I love these books and Kracht's sense of humor. I don't often actually laugh out loud while reading, but these books always get me.

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A Dumb Bird’s Field Guide to the Worst Birds Ever by Matt Kracht | 4 Stars

Love birds? Hate birds? Either way, you're in for a squawking good time.

As someone recently knee-deep into birding myself (yep, it’s official: I’m that person with binoculars), Matt Kracht’s “A Dumb Bird’s Field Guide to the Worst Birds Ever” is a hilarious, irreverent romp through the world of birds. Kracht doesn’t just love to hate birds—he goes out of his way to categorize every feathered “squawkbox” for its faults, flaws, and general idiocy, all while still managing to give you actual birding facts.

The Fowl Line-Up
If you've ever looked at a Downy Woodpecker and thought, “Wow, this bird’s a bit of a jerk,” then this book will speak to your soul. Kracht’s field guide introduces you to the absolute worst birds in the animal kingdom with entries like the “Cruddy Turdstone” and the “Dowdy Woodfucker,” each paired with lovingly vicious descriptions and colorful, satirical drawings. And yes, every bird gets rated on a “scientific” scale of terribleness.

For Bird Lovers with a Sense of Humor
What makes this guide both laugh-out-loud funny and informative is Kracht’s dedication to his craft. Each profile is packed with snark, yet somehow you still come away knowing the bird’s call, migratory habits, and a few key identifying features. It’s a little like reading a roast session at the birding club.

Final Take
For birders, casual nature lovers, or anyone who has ever thought, “Birds are nice...from a distance,” this guide is a gem. Just don’t expect gentle observations or poetic musings on avian grace. This is birding with a side of sarcasm and a whole lot of profanity—and it’s perfect for your next birding trip or coffee table.

Whether you’re into birdwatching or just watching birds get roasted, “A Dumb Bird’s Field Guide” has you covered.

Fair warning: once you’ve read this, you might never look at a flycatcher the same way again.

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As a bird hater, this is my kind of book! Everyone knows that birds are awful. Absolutely awful. They’re loud. They’re annoying. They make messes on your car—and you know they do it on purpose. They’re secretly plotting to take over the world. And swans are the worst. Those particular feathered fiends are not featured in A DUMB BIRDS FIELD GUIDE TO THE WORST BIRDS EVER, but they are perched at the top of the hierarchy of dreadful fowls. Take it from me, I was attacked by a swan when I was a child. Over thirty years later, and that encounter still haunts me. And explains my absolute hatred of all birds. In this wonderfully written and illustrated book, Matt Kracht provides negative reviews of a variety of birds. The book kept me entertained and introduced me to a few new bird species to fear. This book is both educational and hilarious.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC.

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The third in Matt Kracht's birding series, A Dumb Birds Field Guide to the Worst Birds Ever builds on his earlier books. The writing and descriptions are angry, flabbergasted and sarcastically hysterical with a healthy dose of curses sprinkled throughout. Here are some of the bird categories he covers (which gives you. a sense of what to expect): A Flock of A-holes, Wastes of Feathers, Creeps and Weirdos... Along the way, you'll pick up bits of knowledge about some of the unusual quirks, fun facts and random tidbits about specific types of birds. Kracht creates his own BUMMR scale that rates birds on various qualities like twitchiness, questionable lineage, and all that warbling. This is just a fun book for serious and non-serious birders alike and the random tangents into topics like Japanese folklore, history, bird anatomy and drawing tips - in short, there's something for everyone and some beautiful illustrations to boot!

Many thanks to NetGalley and Chronicle Books for the e-arc. This is the kind of book where you'd like a hard copy to share with others!

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This guide to some of the worst birds ever is just as fabulous as all of Matt Kracht's guides on some of the worst animals ever. After reading I can confirm that all of the worst birds I can think of are here (including the Fire Kite which....if you know you know). Not only is it funny but there are SO MANY facts about the birds too, you will laugh and learn!
This (or any of Matt's brid guides really) is a great guide for anyone who what to know what the big deal is about birds. I work outside and one of my favorite things about birds is that they are all some from assholes secretly. They might be neat but they also have the potential to act with malicious intent.

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So glad that Matt Kracht added another book to this series. This book is hilarious and crude yet somehow charming in how it discusses how utterly inane birds can be. You come away from this book having chuckled, belly laughed and also learned something.

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I felt guilty for laughing so much at this, and there was a lot of swearing. The pictures were wonderful and the insults were hilarious. I honestly recommend this to anyone with a sense of humor, and I feel like you'd have to like birds a lot to learn this much about them.
Thanks to NetGalley for letting me read this.

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Would make for an excellent coffee table book to flip through leisurely. Funny, nice pictures, cool facts.

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