Chastity Is for Lovers

"I do not know yet if I am one of the people who will get married or who won't. I do, however, know this: single forever or not, I am here to learn to love. How I learn - in part, for now, by not having sex - surprises most of the people I meet, which is funny for me, and weird. Some are captivated by my choice and others are scandalized. But my lifestyle is not a criticism of somebody else's. It's an option - something to try if an alternative to it isn't working for you."

Arleen Spenceley is a young woman who is single, happy, and a virgin. Some might say that is an impossible combination, but she disagrees. This book is her answer why. Drawing from a variety of sources, whether they are the Catechism of the Catholic Church to scientific studies to books built on the opposing viewpoint, the author explains her reason for being "counter-cultural" without being preachy or judgmental, and always with a sense of humor.

If it's true that only 2-3% of people between the ages of 25 and 44 have not had sex, then I am probably coming to this book from a different viewpoint than the majority of readers who will pick it up. The book is geared more towards those who are curious about chastity, while, like the author, it's the lifestyle I have chosen. For me, I am grateful to now have a resource that articulates the whys better than I ever could. Not to mention, it's just nice to know you're not the only one! (Best quote in the book - "Everybody things finding a spouse is like finding a needle in a haystack, but chaste daters usually can't find the right haystack." Amen to that!)

If you're at all curious about why someone would choose chastity, or if you're someone who has chosen this lifestyle but has trouble saying why, or if you just want to know why the Catholic Church remains so stubbornly adamant about certain things, I'd highly recommend this book. I guarantee it'll give you something to think about.

This is the book I was long looking for. It shows in a very pleasant way the teachings of the Church about sexuality, specially the theology of the body, and also a practical faith in the Divine Providence, all of those essential for happiness in this world. I thought it was a book for singles, but got it wrong: it´s for everybody who wants to live a whole and holy life. Arleen opens her heart, her experiences and her faith, leading us to wish to live a chaste life, regardless of our civil status.

This is a book I had heard about once before I found it on NetGalley. I requested it and read it in two days. Thanks, Ave Maria Press!

Take a look at the publication date. The feast of Saint Catherine Labouré! And the publisher is Ave Maria Press. From that alone, I knew I would like this book.

Early in the book, Arleen Spenceley states the purpose of this book, what it is really about. She writes the following: "This book is not about virginity pledges, abstinence rallies, or purity balls... It's about a life of reckless abandon to a radical 'homeless guy' who is both human and divine. It's about applying critical thought to social norms. It's about living lives that make sense in light of the Gospel regardless of how much sense our lives make to the people we meet. It's about acting on our needs for love and a Savior."

This book talks about chastity, virginity, providence, dating, love, self-control, purity, and truth (the chapter titles, in case anyone was wondering). Miss Spenceley talks about how chastity allows us to learn to love. Chastity shows us what love really is, something counter-cultural.

Miss Spenceley uses many short stories from her life and the lives of others to illustrate what she is writing about. I really love that. It makes the writing practical, applicable to everyone. More than once, the point is made that even if you are not a virgin, you can still live a chaste life. Chastity is not based on virginity. All Christians are called to live chaste lives both outside, and inside, of marriage.

I love this book. It is not a long book but it is packed with great information. It makes Catholic teaching on chastity (as well as birth control, love and sex) more understandable to the average lay person. This is a book that I am seriously considering (meaning: I probably will get) as a gift for my younger sister. I know that, the way this book is written, she will be able to understand it and apply it to her life.

Reading her book, I caught myself hoping, for her sake, that she does wind up getting married, then I stopped to wonder why. While my sexual values differ from hers, I don't want to join the chorus telling virgins there's something wrong with them; there's not. If she's a happy virgin, I'm happy for her. Virgins of any age, religious or not, should never feel pressured to have sex just to feel cool or fit in.

Even though she and I disagree on many points, I'm impressed that Spenceley is speaking out without judging those who don't live as she does. An us vs. them mentality about sex, one that puts those who are doing it above those who aren't or vice versa, doesn't help anyone.

A wise, charming, engaging consideration of the Christian call to chastity. I loved the author's disarming use of humor, and how at the same time, she has firm convictions and isn't afraid to discuss them. This is a powerful combination that makes for a compelling read.

Thank you to NetGalley and Ave Maria Press for this free copy. In an exchange for this copy I am giving an honest review.

Why is a woman who has been married for almost 20 years reading a book about chastity? One, I have teenagers. But the second reason, and more important one actually, is this: chastity is NOT abstinence. They are very different things. Chastity is a lifelong practice, married or not. Abstinence basically ends when marriage happens. Chastity is purity but not the kind of purity that is preached about to teens in youth groups. Purity is so much more than abstaining from sex until a certain time. A few years ago a high school teacher I had invited me to come and speak to a class she had of all teen girls. I spoke on purity. And when I mentioned it to the girls I could see them begin to glaze over until I said I was talking about purity that didn't have to do with sex. Say what? They perked up. Why? Because purity, like chastity, has been relegated to the label 'sex' and collectively we have forgotten that it encompasses so much more. Spenceley outed herself as a virgin a few years back with her blogs about living a chaste lifestyle. Because people think chaste and abstinence are the same thing she used that misconception to get the conversation started. What is a chaste lifestyle, really? This book is short, simple, to the point, practical, and full of wisdom. I really liked how Spenceley laid out her idea for living a chastity driven life. She comes from a strong Catholic background and I'm not bothered a bit, in fact she clears up some misconceptions about practicing Catholics and I appreciated that. Let's just say she and I agree on way more than we don't agree on. Drawing from scripture, being raised by parents willing to talk about sex, and trial and error Spenceley builds a strong case for chastity. And she infuses it with grace, because God infuses everything with grace. Her discussions on how chastity is practiced within a marriage relationship was, frankly, eye opening for me and I've been married for almost 20 years! But I had fallen into the trap the Church has set regarding chastity and abstinence. So her book comes at a good time for me personally and in my parenting. I won't be using props like crushed roses or spit water to talk to my girls about sex and purity. I'll be using the examples of purity that are given in scripture and incorporating sex into a lifestyle of chastity not as the only thing to be chaste in. Thanks Spenceley for this book, it's fantastic. I believe it's a read for marrieds, singles, engageds, really anyone.