In “I Have Never Felt Alive,” the author masterfully captures the essence of small-town life in New England, a place I know all too well from my own upbringing in a former factory city in southern New England. The novel created a vivid atmosphere for me right from the opening pages, pulling me into a world so familiar that you can almost taste the stale air of the local dive bar, feel the grime of the bathroom floor (because contrary to popular belief both men and women’s bathrooms are quite disgusting at those kind of establishments), and feel the bass from the DJ’s speakers in the background.

The novel follows Ryan, a character who returns to his hometown, and through his eyes, we are introduced to a place haunted by not only the failing of its industrial past, but drugs, poverty, and violence. Throughout the story Ryan struggles with an almost existential question of whether he will ever truly feel alive—whether he’s ever been happy or if he’s just been simply existing. Yet, despite it all the pull of staying and of leaving seems to weigh heavily on Ryan.

What makes the novel truly compelling are its characters. They are flawed, complex, and often unlikable, yet undeniably relatable. Each character carries the weight of their past, their choices, and their unfulfilled dreams, making them feel like real people you might recognize from your own life or past.

The book isn't long, but its brevity doesn’t diminish its power. There’s a quiet tension running through the story, a feeling that something lurks just beneath the surface—whether it's the simmering frustration of those stuck in a place that only seems to get worse, the uncertainty surrounding Ryan’s future, or the pull of peer pressure and the longing to cling to familiar relationships. It’s a strikingly realistic depiction of small-town New England, a place where the past lingers in every corner and where people are often stuck in the inertia of their lives. “I Have Never Felt Alive” is not only a strikingly realistic depiction of small-town New England, it is a reminder of how easy it is to feel both disconnected and deeply tied to the places and people that shape us.

Thank you Atmosphere Press for providing this book for review consideration via NetGalley. All opinions are my own.

I Have Never Felt Alive by Christian Gilman Whitney is a raw and introspective coming-of-age novel that explores the turbulence of returning home and facing unresolved pasts. Ryan’s chaotic weekend spent reconnecting with old friends, his on-again, off-again girlfriend, and the pressure of his family’s expectations propels him into a spiral of self-doubt, addiction, and uncertainty about his future. The novel captures the complexities of growing up, the struggle between desire and responsibility, and the quest for meaning in the midst of chaos. With its fast pace and emotional depth, Whitney crafts a poignant, relatable story about confronting one’s demons and trying to find a sense of self in the process.

"I Have Never Felt Alive" by Christian Gilman Whitney is a raw and insightful exploration of the transition from adolescence to adulthood in a dying small town. The novel covers significant ground in just three pivotal days of Ryan's life, portraying a young man at a critical inflection point.

The story follows Ryan as he grapples with the life he's building away from his hometown, questioning whether it aligns with his true desires and if his life up to this point has had any significance at all. Whitney skillfully captures the sense of potential that lies ahead, coupled with the fear and confusion of making life-altering choices. The characters are flawed but relatable, each dealing with the nihilism that permeates their declining small town.

The novel is more explicit than expected, but it serves the story well. The abrupt ending leaves lingering questions, adding to the overall sense of uncertainty that the characters face.

While the book can be a bit of a depressing read, it offers a thoughtful look at the challenges of early adulthood. The author's ability to convey the characters' inner turmoil and the oppressive atmosphere of a dying town is commendable.

Thanks to NetGalley and Atmosphere Press for the early read of the ARC of this book.

A short read that gets to the point without slacking on the power. You feel a lot of tension throughout, knowing something odd is about to happen. Good set-up.
Does what it needs to do to capture your attention.