Cruising through Caregiving
Reducing the Stress of Caring for Your Loved One
by Jennifer L. FitzPatrick
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Pub Date Sep 27 2016 | Archive Date Sep 30 2016
Greenleaf Book Group | Greenleaf Book Group Press
Description
Caregiving is no vacation, but you can cruise more smoothly through it!
If you’re facing the daunting reality that you’re about to become a caregiver—whether you planned for it or not—Cruising through Caregiving is the down-to-earth and authoritative answer you need. Jennifer FitzPatrick has been through nearly every possible scenario on the caregiving spectrum, both professionally and personally, and she expertly shows you how to be a responsible, loving caregiver without being overcome by guilt, exhaustion, or worry.
It doesn’t matter whether you have advantages such as money or an extended family. You don’t have to passively just let things happen. No matter your particular situation, FitzPatrick has a practical and thoughtful solution to deal with it. She’ll help you discover and harness powers you don’t even know you have—from getting other family members to participate in caregiving to navigating a loved one’s finances, living setting, or declining physical and mental health conditions.
Advice and resources from FitzPatrick and twenty-four other professionals show how to give your loved one the best quality of life possible without sacrificing your own life, health, career, relationships, or financial stability.
Advance Praise
“Cruising through Caregiving offers support and practical ideas, including how to help from a distance, how to avoid making false promises, and how to manage financial impact. This is a useful resource from someone with vast experience, both as a gerontologist and a caregiver.”
—Kimberly Williams-Paisley, Actor & New York Times best-selling author of Where the Light Gets In
“Jennifer FitzPatrick has perfected a fine and detailed primer for the caregiver, focusing on the complicated trials and tribulations of caregiving. Using excel- lent examples, she dissects various problems and offers sound, practical, and up-to-date information and advice. A must-read for professionals, caregivers, and all aging boomers!”
—Virginia Ford, MSN, CRNP, University of Pennsylvania Health System, Translational Research Center
“Cruising through Caregiving offers a wealth of practical information for family caregivers on the Alzheimer’s journey. Written in everyday language, this book has tools, resources, and sound advice that will grant readers a new perspective on their caregiving role.”
—Cass Naugle, Executive Director, Alzheimer’s Association, Greater Maryland Chapter
“Cruising through Caregiving tells us that there are many roles to play in caregiving, but all should be played without guilt. The author advises caregivers to be honest with themselves about their motives for serving and about how much time they can devote to the effort—this advice in itself is a tremendous stress-reducer. Just knowing that you are not the only one to be placed in such a situation is also a gigantic relief. From my vantage point as a certified elder law attorney and a cer- tified financial planner who sees many families struggling with all the concerns described in this book, I found the recommendations extremely helpful. This is a wonderful reference for those in or contemplating a caregiving role for a senior. As anyone involved in such an endeavor knows, the caregiver’s attitude will be crucial in how the senior adapts to the aging process.”
—Andrew H. Hook, CELA, AEP, CFP®, Past President of the Special Needs Alliance
“Caregiving is truly the most difficult job you will ever take on. Whether you are new to caregiving or an exhausted caregiver wondering what you got yourself into, read this book. Cruising through Caregiving is written as an extended conver- sation between a caregiver and a wise and experienced senior care expert. Ms. FitzPatrick guides you through a discussion of concerns common to all caregiv- ers while encouraging you to take care of yourself. She takes a unique approach as she suggests that caregivers consider their role as a choice and not a mandate. This perspective allows the reader to reframe or rethink their caregiving role in a way that reduces guilt and anxiety and focuses on what is best for their loved one and how that can be accomplished. This book encourages you to identify your caregiving style, whether you live with a loved one, live across the country, or somewhere in-between, and then, identify community services and persons who can join with you in providing care for your loved one. Ms. FitzPatrick describes the challenges faced by many caregivers negotiating unfamiliar senior services, financial resources, difficult parent-adult-child relationships, absent family members, and health care services. She enlists a crew of experienced profession- als in senior care to help her provide a down-to-earth exploration of how to be a caregiver without losing yourself in the process. The narrative is written in such a way that it feels like you are sitting in the room, talking through the concerns that every caregiver faces.”
—Sandra S. Swantek, MD, FAPA, Chief, Geriatric Psychiatry, Rush University Medical Center, Chicago, Illinois
“I love this book as it speaks directly to my current situation of caring for my eighty- six-year-old mother, whom I adore. Jennifer let me laugh at myself (for my martyr- dom), yet she also gave me concrete suggestions on how to set boundaries without feeling guilty (something I struggle with every day). I highly recommend this book for any adult child caring for an aging parent (while also trying to care for yourself). The book is divided into easy-to-digest chapters that can be read one at a time, as needed. I found this approach very helpful, as things seem to change rapidly with my mom (and I need to adjust my approach). Cruising through Caregiving is easy to navigate and gets you great information quickly and efficiently.”
—Valerie M. Grubb, Operations Consultant and Trainer, Val Grubb & Associ- ates, Ltd., Author of Planes, Canes, and Automobiles: Connecting with Your Aging Parents through Travel (Greenleaf Book Group, October 2015)
“In my life care planning law practice, my elder care coordinator and I work with many families struggling with the challenges of caregiving. As we focus on the elders who need care, we work hard to ensure that their families have access to the tools and resources they need. But until Cruising through Caregiving, we have not had a framework for helping the caregivers understand that they have a right to include their own needs in the choices that are made. Now, I find it natural to use Ms. FitzPatrick’s terminology when I discuss those options with our clients and their families. I strongly recommend this book not only to families dealing with the stress of caregiving, but also to the professionals who seek to help them.”
—Marsha Goodman, CELA, President, Life Care Planning Law Firms Association
“When I first saw the book title, I mistakenly thought that ‘cruising’ meant ‘easy’ as in coasting or drifting! Instead, the author creatively draws parallels to a boat cruising through waves of ups and downs—sometimes through calm waters, at other times in turbulent ones, and occasionally anchored in periods of relative stability. She ingeniously utilizes boating symbols—such as lifejackets for tips and resources, or the life ring for vital information—throughout the book. It is an engaging and informative read for caregivers where they can pick and choose chapters relevant to them, and return to a specific chapter when they hit a stormy period and need to strengthen their cruising techniques.”
—Nancy R. Hooyman, PhD, Professor of Gerontology, University of Washington School of Social Work, and author of Social Gerontology
“Quite often, caregivers are just putting one foot in front of the other, doing the best they can. But they can easily find themselves off-balance in their lives, and this can affect their physical and mental health. Jennifer FitzPatrick’s book encourages caregivers to assess their own strengths and weaknesses. Am I doing too much? Do I have enough support on my team? Should I have Mother move into my house? The author provides caregivers with excellent perspectives, tips, and resources to help them regain their footing. I highly recommend this insightful book to all caregivers as this is one of the most difficult jobs to traverse.”
—Barbara Kane, MSW, LCSW-C, Co-Author, Coping with Your Difficult Older Parent: A Guide for Stressed-Out Children; Founder, Aging Network Services
“What makes this book invaluable is Jen’s expertise on caregiver stress. It’s one thing to get a handle on the obvious—Will the money run out? Who helps me? Is aging-in-place a good idea?—and another to be open-minded about the emo- tional challenges we face in the eldercare process. There are many ways to be a good caregiver; but perhaps the greatest skill of all is the willingness to change course and correct mistakes. This book shows you how.”
—Joy Loverde, Author of The Complete Eldercare Planner and Who Will Take Care of Me When I Am Old?
“Caring for a loved one is a challenge—and most people are unprepared for the myriad of complex issues they will face. Cruising through Caregiving is a must-read for any caregiver. This informative book not only offers advice for handling the tough emotions, but also provides solid guidance for medical, financial, housing and dementia care. Caregivers who read this book will be empowered to better manage the pressures that are common to all caregivers.”
—Dianne C. McGraw, LCSW, CMC, President, Aging Life Care Association (ACLA)
“Cruising through Caregiving: Reducing the Stress of Caring for Your Loved One is a thoughtfully-written ‘user’s guide’ for an ever-growing phenomenon in our devel- oped society: caregiving for our frail elders. As a palliative and geriatric provider, I envision this book filling a need for many of our patients and their loved ones. Thoroughly researched and referenced, Cruising addresses many of the questions that go unanswered during the journey through advanced age and function and memory loss, from how to best utilize one’s providers to knowing when hospice is appropriate. By linking the metaphor of a ship’s journey with carefully crafted key points or ‘life rings,’ section summaries, and real-life examples, the author empow- ers caregivers and patients to safely navigate their course together.”
—Miguel Paniagua, MD, FACP, Adjunct Associate Professor, Palliative Care, the Perelman School of Medicine, University of Pennsylvania
“In all my years working with caregivers, I have never met a ‘non-stressed’ care- giver. Ms. FitzPatrick adeptly illustrates the varying roles and responsibilities of a caregiver. She provides practical strategies and valuable resources that can potentially reduce stress while maximizing quality care for your loved one.”
—Mary Belanich, MA, Senior Health Manager, Virginia Hospital Center
“Raising children that you prepared for and loved more than anything in this world is a walk in the park compared to caring for an adult loved one that may get dropped in your lap without any warning. This book offers tools to assess your role and your environment, and is a great guide that helps you understand that your doubt and questions about your abilities, anger, frustration and sense of guilt, are all normal.”
—Pany Nazari, PT, BCB-PMD, Senior Physical Therapist, Virginia Hospital Center
“This book would be very helpful to any family trying to deal with disability and death of a loved one. Many of the topics I discuss with clients every day are thoroughly discussed with appropriate resources provided. The emphasis on pre-planning is excellent!”
—Kelly A. Thompson, Esq., Thompson Wildhack PLC; Chair, Virginia Bar Association, Elder Law & Special Needs Section
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Available Editions
EDITION | Other Format |
ISBN | 9781626343191 |
PRICE | $18.95 (USD) |
Featured Reviews
I was offered an advance copy of this book at the perfect time. My 91 year old father fell and broke his hip almost two months ago. As I write this, he is still in rehab. But I am already having to learn the art of balancing my time with him against the rest of my life, navigating the rules of Medicare and getting a crash course in my parents’ finances. I had to laugh at the opening of chapter one. Fitzpatrick realistically notes that if you are reading this book, you're probably already a caregiver because no one picks up a book like this for fun or in advance.
Fitzpatrick works to put you at ease. She explains that it's the rare person who feels comfortable and totally in control going into caregiving. I loved that she spells out the pros and cons of different decisions, such as “The Promise”. This books is much more about the caregiver’s mental health and finding balance than it is about practical matters. As she says ”caregiving can affect so many aspects of a person’s life physically, emotionally and financially that it is impossible to predict them all.” She hits the nail on the head when she says so many caregivers go in thinking it's a short term issue when in fact, it ends up being a long term one and balance really needs to be a priority.
The book raises some very important issues, such as “helicopter caregiving” that really made me think. Because it is easier to just takes over some things entirely, like finances. But my father was always so into numbers and investments, so was this fair to him? Another important issue is boundaries. Just because you want something doesn't give you the right to deny the boundaries set by others.
This book does a great job of explaining the emotional issues one encounters with caregiving. It also provides chapters on issues like Medicare, hospice or Alzheimer’s and gives you more detailed resources for them.
My thanks to netgalley and Greenleaf Book Group for an advance copy of this book.
Are you a caregiver for a relative, perhaps an elderly parent? Might that a possibility in upcoming years? Do you want to take steps now to prepare for your own future so no one will have to fill that role when you no longer can care for yourself? If any of these scenarios set off alarm bells in your head, this book is an important tool. If they don't, it's probably even more important.
In the interest of full disclosure, I requested (and received, thank you) an advance copy in exchange for an honest review because I'm already involved in senior health issues, albeit from a different perspective. Since I retired from going to a workplace every day back in 2002, I've been a state-certified volunteer long-term care ombudsman for Ohio. Each week, I visit my assigned facility to talk with residents and help make sure their rights are being upheld (and, if not, do what I can, together with the local Area Agency on Aging, to facilitate positive change). Any book that deals with the topic of long-term care, then, is of great interest to me - not just because I'm always eager to learn but because, if it's well done, I can recommend it to others who may need it.
And recommend it I most certainly do. The goal, the author says, is to make readers "feel more powerful" and let them know they may have many options. It shows caregivers ways to save time, money and energy and have a personal life. "Caregiving is like a muscle that can be developed and strengthened," the author writes, and her book is designed to help with that. Following a "boating" theme, she tackles really tough issues such as "promises" we may make (think assuring your mother you'll never, ever put her in a nursing home) to whether it's a good idea to quit your job and take over full-time care of a loved one (and how to deal with it if that's what your loved one expects you to do).
Best of all, it's not just platitudes and lip service; options are presented for each topic, and chapters include "course corrections," or steps to take if you're already halfway down the wrong path. Everywhere are examples, checklists, worksheets and questions to answer that will help you make the best decisions for yourself and for (and with) your loved ones. Still other chapters focus on expectations and realities of the health-care system (i.e., Medicare and Medicaid), the ramifications of dementia and - not insignificantly - what you need to do now to prepare for the time you may need some type of care yourself.
Even if you're not performing a direct caregiving function - or one of your loved ones already is in a long-term care facility - there's plenty of good information here for you. I'm always surprised, for instance, when a resident of "my"nursing home - or someone in their family who's visiting and is concerned about some issue - tells me he or she had no idea the local Area on Aging even exists, much less what services it provides. At the end of the book is a comprehensive list of resources; depending on where you are on the caregiver continuum, you can look them up immediately or stash them away for future consultation.
A good, approachable elder-care book is hard to find. Many of the cornerstone books I come across contain dated information. It is always refreshing to find a great book the is newly published on this topic.
Excellent Book! Caring for people is a difficult subject but this book helps navigate you in easy to understand and helpful way.
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