[Note:  This book was provided free of charge by Books Go Social/Net Gallery.  All thoughts and opinions are my own.]

This book is a heartbreaking one, all the more because the book was written after the death of a troubled young woman by her mother.  At the heart of this book is a disconnect between a mother who thinks she did most things right and a daughter whose life was deeply scarred by child sexual abuse by a neighbor boy.  The author is indeed right that the book is not her story to tell, but she is the one to tell it because a car accident took the life of the author's daughter at the age of 29 when she was trying to put her life back together in the aftermath of some time in jail for drug trafficking.  Worst of all, I suppose, is that the accident wasn't even her fault but as the author said, she simply ran out of lives.  In reading this book I have a mixture of irritation and compassion for the author, irritation because I think that little children should be taken seriously.  If they say that they are not comfortable or safe with someone, what they say should be taken seriously.  They shouldn't feel forced or pressured into explaining matters, not least because they may be terrified to do so or unsure that they are able to do so [1].

As a book, this volume is a short one, about 50 pages in the version I read, or about double that if it is viewed in its quarto pages.  The book combines the attempts of the mother to justify herself as well as her attempts to give voice to her late daughter wherever possible.  The author, rightly, views her daughter's struggles with bi-polar disorder and PTSD, a fairly natural response to being raped as a child, from the point of view of an outsider, and manages to show herself to be fairly typical in wanting to do the best for her daughter but being ill-equipped to do so and failing miserably in building trust.  Indeed, the parallel narratives of the author's struggle to justify herself before a world that blamed her for failing to protect her daughter and her daughter's struggle to find love and safety in a hostile world are juxtaposed with each other in complex ways.

I found the author a bit exasperating myself, but I suppose she cannot be blamed for that.  She has a bit of a difficult challenge in trying to write about her daughter's story without making herself look too bad, and she probably thinks that she does a better job than she does.  I would probably be less harsh on her if I was not able to empathize very well with the author's late daughter, even if I feel that (thanks to the grace of God) I have not made quite as much a mess of my own life as that poor young woman did.  After all, most parents are not very good at listening to their children or taking their counsel when it comes to their indirect ways of expressing preference or explaining that something isn't a good idea.  Ultimately it seemed like the author cared a great deal about her own convenience and didn't really work to build trust or understand her daughter until it was too late.  At least I hope I have been able to tell my own story, because I would have to have my story told by someone who seemed to be almost clueless about what was really going on with me the way this author seems clueless about her daughter.

[1] See, for example:

https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2015/04/17/we-all-die-trying-to-get-it-right/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2014/05/28/the-child-is-the-father-of-the-man/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2017/03/20/seeing-elisha-through-the-eyes-of-children/

https://edgeinducedcohesion.blog/2017/01/21/book-review-childhood-disrupted/

It had taken me a while to write a review of this, even though I devoured it in one night. I was drawn to this book for many reasons but the biggest one was that I suffer from bipolar disorder. I've lived the struggle and while I can never feel the feelings the author's daughter did exactly, I have been suicidal and attempted it myself. I don't talk about it often but it will always his close to home. I'll never know what it's like watching my child live it though so I was drawn in immediately. While not perfect in terms of writing, the feelings come through so strongly that I find no fault in it. I loved this book. As hard as it was to read, I will read it probably many more times and hope it gets the attention it truly deserves.

I would like to thank the publisher, author, and Netgalley for providing me with a copy in exchange for an honest review.

Not My Story To Tell
My journey through grief: Loving and losing a daughter with bi-polar disorder
by Cathy Lynn Brooks
BooksGoSocial
You Are Auto-Approved

Biographies & Memoirs , Parenting & Families
Pub Date 18 Oct 2017

I am reviewing a copy of Not My Story to Tell Through BooksGoSocial and Netgalley:

Her daughter Justine reminded her Mother Cathy Of Annie Oakley. She was fierce protective and vulnerable. Justine also had her share of troubles.

Justine suffered from Bi-Polar disorder as well as post traumatic stress disorder from a young age. Due to the events of her past and her Mental illness Justine made a series of bad choices. Which sadly led to her death at the age of twenty nine, but despite everything her Mother never stopped loving her. It was not the disease that took her but the highway on her way home.

Justine was improving she went to college, graduated even started a career, she still had her problems but they were manageable, until one day the road took her away.

I give Not My Story to Tell five out of five stars!

Happy Reading!

I have bipolar disorder and my heart went out so much to the author, Cathy Lynn Brooks in memory of her late daughter Justine. Like Justine, my mother also worked with special needs students. Reading this book helped give me a deeper perspective of how my mother suffered during my suicidal idealizations and hospitalizations. The love Cathy Lynn Brooks has for her daughter permeates this book. She is an amazing woman who demonstrates what it is to be a truly loving parent. "Not My Story To Tell" is a book I will highly recommend to the DBSA/Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance group I created and to my bipolar community online. Thank you, Cathy Lynn, for having the strength and perseverance to depict your daughter's early years and examine her later years in this well-written recount. This book will help many people, both those who live with a mood disorder or they love someone who has a mental illness.