Untangling Emotions

Untangling Emotions
by J. Alasdair Groves and Winston T. Smith

Crossway

Christian , Religion & Spirituality

Pub Date 31 Mar 2019


I am reviewing a copy of Untangling Emotions through Crossway and Netgalley:




This book reminds us that emotions are both strange and a gift.


Jesus wept. The shortest sentence in the Bible and yet perhaps the most powerful of all because we see that Jesus had emotions, just as we do. We are reminded too that negative emotions are not always bad because we should be distressed by what is distressing.




This book points out too that explaining emotions is easier said than done, because emotions are complex. We are reminded too that emotions help us convey to others and that they motivate us, Emotions can also serve to draw us closer to God.


We are reminded too that emotions don’t come in single file, we are reminded that even Jesus had mixed emotions. We are reminded too that emotions can have effect on our body.


The authors of this book go on to point out that emotions are instinctive and that is a good thing. We are reminded too that perfect faith doesn’t mean we have control over our emotions.


We are reminded too of the importance of reading the Bible as well as getting fresh air. We are encouraged to cultivate good, negative emotions! We are reminded too that Jesus overcomes Grief!


I give Untangling Emotions five out of five stars!


Happy Reading!

Untangling Emotions is a book to help you navigate through your emotions. Whether you're emotional, not emotional at all, or in-between, Groves & Smith help you understand your emotions through a Christian Psychological perspective. There is a lot of good information that will help you understand yourself better. Untangling Emtoions does just what the title says, unravels your emotions and gives you a deeper perspective in your own mind. I recommend this book to anyone trying to have a deeper understanding why they feel the way they feel. I give it a 3.5/5 stars. It is a great read for people trying to understand emotions.

A few years ago I went through a deeply traumatic event. I was devastated. I found myself lost in a sea of misery and despair. My heart felt as if it had been hit by a furious tornado. I didn’t know how to cope. I was not sure how to deal with all the different emotions that overtook me. Even the encouragement and advice well-meaning friends and relatives offered were not helpful in easing the pain I felt deep inside. I looked for books and resources to help me through the painful process of breaking up with someone, but I couldn’t find anything that spoke specifically to me as a heartbroken, emotional, wounded, and confused Christian. All I can say is I wish I had Groves and Smith’s “Untangling Emotions.” Their book is a must read for understanding the role of emotions in the Christian life! I highly recommend it!

Why are we feeling what we are feeling? More often than not, we don't know the answer. Some like Jen or Angie are easily swayed by all kinds of emotional ups and downs. Others cannot make sense of what or why we do things. Still, there are those in the help industry wanting to speak wisdom and guidance into the lives of people in emotional turmoil. Over and above all of these situations, authors Groves and Smith believe that emotions are gifts to us and they desire to help us deal with emotions in the way God intended for us. They assert these fundamental truths.

- God has made us in His Image and emotions help bear that image;
- Jesus is our model to follow;
- It is about love.

In untangling emotions, the authors teach us first to understand emotions in general and to engage our emotions in particular. The final part is to learn to deal with emotions that are beyond the ordinary. I appreciate the way they say that they don't just want us to know the difference between handling emotions well or badly, but to "do things that make a difference" in both the lives of others and ours. Christians sometimes are prone to either being too suspicious of positive emotions or too weary of negative feelings. We need to learn to embrace both of these and to recognize that the Bible is full of characters who possess all of these emotions. Elijah was depressed. Jonah was afraid. Sarah was anxious. Peter was brash. Barnabas was encouraging. Judas Iscariot was disillusioned. Joshua was bold. Biblical characters have displayed a wide spectrum of emotions. We are no different.

In understanding emotions, Groves and Smith write about two general theories: 1) Physical impulses (animal part); 2) Mentally connected (cognitive view). Rather than rejecting either outright, they show us that emotions are expressions of our love values. They help us connect, motivate, and elevate us to another level. There are no simple ways to deal with emotions. However, when we understand them, we would be able to harness the power to help relationships and to heal people. This is about using emotions to connect, to empathize, and to love. Not only are emotions instinctive, they are also instructive about understanding people. The way forward is constructive engagement. This engagement needs God. The whole engagement process includes:

Identification of our emotions
Examination
Evaluation
Action
Petition.
When we arrive at the chapter on "Engaging Relationships," we get a better idea of where the authors are trying to get at all along. The Bible has said: "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." Understanding our emotions not only help us with self-knowledge, it enables us to connect with others as well. For we do not live on an island separated from people. All of us, if not most of us will need to interact with people. Thus, it is way better to nourish healthy relationships and "starve" unhealthy ones. The final part of the book deals with specific emotions such as fear, anger, grief, guilt, and shame. These are some of the most challenging emotions that we have to go through ourselves. Thankfully, the authors in this book provide helpful guardrails for us to navigate the tricky emotional journeys.

My Thoughts
We get emotional from time to time. Such things are normal but we need to manage our emotions so that they do not get the better of us. A lot of people know the importance of emotions. What they are not aware is understanding the what and why they occur. Rather than treating emotions as problems to be solved or puzzles to be resolved, this book reminds us that emotions are a gift from God. While we can understand why some emotions are considered positive and others negative, we need to be careful not to treat the former as holy and the latter as sinful. Both are real and authentically express who we are, how we are feeling, and what we are made of. Understanding them is far better than avoiding them. In order to engage our relationships well, we need a fair amount of self-understanding. This is why this book is particularly helpful in a self-knowledge aspect. I appreciate the authors for patiently taking time to define emotions, clarify terms, and to assure us that emotions are good to have and potent enough to help us in our relationships. What really drives the point home is the way the authors point out engagement as a "better option" in dealing with our emotions. Learn to engage our emotions with God; and through that understanding to relate to others.

As advocated in this book, we should not fear "negative" emotions. Neither should we over-emphasize the "positive" ones. For if we do so, we might create a false dichotomy when all emotions that are created by God is good. We may not be able to control how we feel but we could control our responses and reactions to them. The single biggest reason for reading this book is to develop boldness to deal with negative emotions. Instead of sweeping them under the carpet, we can deal with it fearlessly and learn how to deal with it. The authors take a potentially complex subject and explain it in a clearheaded and logical manner. On top of it, they encourage us with the knowledge that God is with us and if God is with us, we will never be alone in dealing with our emotions.

J Alasdair Groves is Director of School of Biblical Counseling at Christian Counseling and Education Foundation (CCEF). Winston T Smith is rector at Saint Anne's Church in Abington, Pennsylvania.

Rating: 4.5 stars of 5.

conrade
This book has been provided courtesy of Crossway Publishers and NetGalley without requiring a positive review. All opinions offered above are mine unless otherwise stated or implied.

I’ve frequently been disappointed with books geared towards Christian women because they often have a juvenile time to them. Apparently that isn’t reserved just for women’s books. There is soon good information in here, but it is not written for adult readers, which are the stated audience.

I must confess, for many years as a pastor I have avoided the mental and emotional side of Christianity. It hasn't been but the last 7 months that I have become very open to that side of following Christ and my mind is blown. Since then, I feel like my relationship with Jesus has gone to a whole new level as well as helping me realize that Jesus was serious about loving Him with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. And guess what? This book falls under that umbrella of strengthening your relationship with Jesus emotionally. I absolutely loved this book and the approach behind it. I found some key truths and healing from this adventure. Thank you for the book and this rich resource. I will read it again.

First sentence: Emotions are strange. They’re strange in that they can make us behave in ways we don’t want to. Strange in that they can flood through our bodies whether we like it or not. Strange in that they can help us see and do things we would never have done without them. Strange in that most of us don’t know (or even stop to ask) why we are feeling what we are feeling most of the time. We want to help you understand what your emotions are (and aren’t) and what you can do about it. The reality is that, while we might be slow to admit it, we’re all troubled by our emotions.

Groves and Smith approach emotions from a Christian perspective in their new book, Untangling Emotions. Can understanding and appreciating what the Bible has to say about emotions--the good, the bad, the ugly--help Christians live life better?! Perhaps. Why should it matter to Christians...why should Christians take the time to understand or unpack what the Bible has to say on emotions? There are many, many reasons why. One reason, for example, is that believers can fall into the bad habit of associating negative emotions with sin AND also associating positive emotions with sin. But ultimately, "The way you respond to your emotions, including how you feel about how you feel, is of vital importance to your relationship with God and others in your life....A careful study of the Bible can help us discard faulty assumptions so we can engage our emotions rather than be ruled by or flee from them."

This one has three parts: "Understanding Emotions," "Engaging Emotions," and "Engaging the Hardest Emotions." The first part serves as an introduction, a beginner's course in emotion. What are emotions? What is the connection between mind and body? Is there a connection between mind, body, and spirit? Why did God give us emotions? The second part continues examining emotions from a biblical standpoint. It is all about giving readers tools to engage, explore, dissect their emotions IN LIGHT OF THEIR RELATIONSHIPS. The third part addresses in greater detail the darker, more negative emotions: fear, anger, sorrow, guilt and shame. All three parts offer readers practical advice; the goal is always to put tools into the hands of readers.

I found this one to be well organized and super-practical. Most of the examples--especially in the second section--are focuses on marriage, a husband and wife and the ways they communicate or fail to communicate which lead to fights and arguments. This may be incredibly helpful for many readers; but it would have been helpful if a few of the examples used other scenarios since not every Christian is married.

Every time you run to a bottle, a screen, or an event instead of your heavenly Father, you are disengaging from your emotions and from him. Don't be deceived. Each of the actions is ultimately more than an action. Actions always reveal our core beliefs and confidence.


Many of us and I am talking about myself go from one to extreme to the next on dealing with emotions. We can deny our emotions or we are driven by our emotions. Both extremes are unhealthy and that is why a book like this is so needed. Some go thru life not knowing how to deal with emotions and then we go thru life not know how we really feel both are tragic. Emotions are God given and they can be a tool to let you know something is wrong or good. It is when our emotions get tangled up that we can be overwhelmed with those emotions. I think about it often, what does it look like to have a good handle on our emotions without our insecurities, hang ups, fears and selfishness.

It is these emotional hangups where we loose our ability to love God and others. So God does care about our emotional well being. The text looks at different emotions that drive our relationships and the decisions we make. How do we handle anger? Fear? Shame? etc. How these emotions can lead to poor choices or create a relationship havoc. It is important to identify these emotions before acting on them and to see the root of our emotions. i.e anger. What is happening inside your heart, what are the triggers and how can you change the outcome to grow in confidence and maturity.

Emotional maturity is the ultimate goal and good for this study. Highly recommend.

A Special Thank you to Crossway Publishing and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.