Forty Days on Being a Five

Morgan Harper Nichols is a singer/songwriter, poet, artist, and author. In this book (one of a series for each enneagram type), Ms. Nichols shares insights into the struggles and joys and thoughts on being a 5 on the enneagram, aka, the investigator.

Bear with me while I lay some groundwork for those who are unfamiliar with the enneagram. The enneagram is a tool you can use to determine your core desires and fears along with typical strengths and weaknesses for each type. You can google “free enneagram test” to help you determine your type. Other authors have penned a book for each of the other enneagram types to make a complete series. The format of the book offers 40 short devotional readings with a related scripture, prayer and/or questions for digging deeper.

To give some context, The Enneagram Institute website describes 5s as: “Alert, insightful, and curious. They are able to concentrate and focus on developing complex ideas and skills. Independent, innovative, and inventive, they can also become preoccupied with their thoughts and imaginary constructs. They become detached, yet high-strung and intense. They typically have problems with eccentricity, nihilism, and isolation. At their Best: visionary pioneers, often ahead of their time, and able to see the world in an entirely new way.

Basic Fear: Being useless, helpless, or incapable
Basic Desire: To be capable and competent

Key Motivations: Want to possess knowledge, to understand the environment, to have everything figured out as a way of defending the self from threats from the environment.“

I was interested in this book because I had done some reading and study on the enneagram and find it fascinating. I had also heard good things about Ms. Nichols and had heard her speak on a podcast. I enjoy her music and knew she was a celebrated writer. Ultimately, I was curious to read this book because my spouse is an enneagram 5 and I still don’t understand him, even after 26 years. (sheepish smile). I gained some basic insight into how 5s think. I found Ms. Nichols to be very transparent and I truly think this book will help other enneagram 5s work through and understand their tendencies. I would not hesitate to say this book exceeded my expectations. I can see it would be usefulness for becoming a more well rounded person.

Ms. Nichols draws out her fellow 5s to engage with others in their lives since they tend to isolate. She says, “As a five, you may encounter a feeling of emptiness on the journey. You may desire to let others in but struggle to figure out where to begin. But this is also true: you were never meant to travel alone. We have one another. Not only do we have other fives, but we also have friend groups, families, and communities that are worthy of being a part of, right here, right now.”

Similarly, she says, “I forget that like the sunflower, I was meant to be fully awake and alive in broad daylight even before I’m ready. I forget that even though my mind tells me I need to withdraw and hang back until I feel a little more equipped, God has already equipped me with a body to follow the sun…I am free to go out and be in the sun. I am free to be a part of the lightheartedness and experience the presence of light-woven love, even if I don’t understand it. Light is sweet and it pleases the eyes to see the sun. (Ecclesiastes 11:7)”

A favorite line in the book is from a prayer where she pleads, “May my soul remain unhurried in your Love.” My favorite prayer from the book says, “God, Oh what a gift it is to bask in your presence, a place where there is grace and wide open space to ask questions my heart so desperately craves to know the answers to, and all the while I am searching, I get lost in you, discovering that with or without the answers I feel like I need to have, in the arms of your Love, I am free to experience peace no matter the distance of my wonder, no matter the depths of my uncertainty. In Christ, I am free to embrace the mystery of who you are and all of the lessons and beautiful things you will continue to unfold before me. Amen.”

I love how honest Nichols is honest with her own fears. She says, “Fear is real, but so is Grace. It was never up to me to try to manage and control everything. In God, I have what I need. And there, in God’s divine presence, I become more than capable to show up in the way I’m meant to…I went from feeling completely unqualified and useless to feeling unqualified but aware that I was being used by God.”

I look forward to reading other books from this series, particularly the number I identify as which is the 9, the peacemaker. I received an ARC copy from the publisher and net galley in exchange for my honest opinion.