I Never Thought of It That Way

I found this book immensely thought-provoking and valuable. It's the kind of book that loses something when you read it on a Kindle, because you want to be underlining passages and jotting down your reactions in the margins.

Mónica Guzmán is a liberal journalist; her parents, who are Mexican immigrants, enthusiastically voted for Trump twice. She thinks our political divide is, at its source, less an issue of disinformation and more about a lack of cross-functional conversations and connections, and she's put her money where her mouth is, both with this book and with her organization, Braver Angels.

Something that stuck with me from 'I Never Thought of it That Way' is the importance of not assuming that people know and care about the same things you do and that they're actively choosing to reject your values if they vote for a different candidate (e.g., "I care about anti-racism so I voted for [X]. This person voted for [Y], who I believe is actively racist, so they must be racist - or at least not care that [Y] is"). The story about people in a rural, conservative county explaining that they voted for Trump because federal regulations like the Waters of The United States rule were threatening their livelihoods jumped out at me. Like the liberal listeners that day, I'd never heard of that policy, but it was incredibly relevant to their lives. My votes for Clinton and Biden were a lot of things, but they were in no way endorsing WATUS because I didn't even know what it was. So if that's the case for me, isn't it possible it's true for folks on the other side, too?

My criticism of this book is that it was framework-heavy and story-light. While I really am intrigued by the idea of embracing curiosity and perspective-taking to connect and catalyze "I never thought of it that way" moments, the political divide these days truly feels so gaping I can't help but be a little skeptical. With that in mind, I wish Guzmán would have focused a little less on *how* to do it - I started to feel inundated by acronyms and action plans halfway through - and more on *why* it's important, with real stories of its effectiveness. I loved the first half of the book because it highlighted those stories, but I felt like the second half was lacking. I also feel like the moral imperatives weren't discussed enough. As someone with close friends who have been harmed in both passive and active ways for who they are by people on the other side of the divide - is prioritizing understanding them in some way invalidating or dismissing the people I care most about? I kept waiting for the book to address that.

All that said, I will definitely be purchasing a hard copy when it comes out, because I see this as a book to return to.

I loved this book because I feel like I am at the point in my life where I keep learning new things by asking myself "what am I missing?" and drawing from her journalism background, Monica shares insights on how to have tough conversations, or more so how to make some headway in a deeply divided situation.
In the blurb the book promises that in reading it you’ll learn:
• How to ask what you really want to know (even if you’re afraid to)
• How to grow smarter from even the most tense interactions, online or off
• How to cross boundaries and find common ground—with anyone
Above all, I feel like this is good for a general audience who have the patience to get through each chapter- to build upon each tenet as she shares in the book, what's great is that she delves into the conversations we have online and how a tweet or comment can trigger such furious remarks and cause so much division.
It's an interesting book, a challenging one when it comes to perspective and the stories we tell ourselves.
Thanks Netgalley for the eARC

I am absolutely stunned by this book. Monica Guzman uses her lived experience to write the How-To book of the moment.
If you live in the current climate of division and disinformation, I think it's really important to read this book. This book will provide you with the tools you need to stay curious in this world and to have productive conversations with others.
I don't think it's an exaggeration to suggest that reading this book and applying the steps within will help people save the valuable relationships in their lives. When you understand the systems in place that help divide us and keep us divided, you start to understand how to combat those systems.
Since I started reading this book I have caught myself many times thinking: What am I missing? and looking for my I Never Thought of it That Way Moments. From simple things like a billboard on the side of the road, to bigger things like divisive political conversations with my family members.
I think Monica Guzman saw a need in the current zeitgeist and wrote the book to fill it. I will always appreciate the honesty and gentleness that she brought to her writing.

On a bedrock level, it's essential reading in that it's incredibly helpful in teaching a reader how to begin, sustain, and benefit from conversation; in today's age, it's a must-have that will help to preserve the decorum, pleasantry, and enlightenment that we all *truly* seek when we engage in talks with people with whom we disagree.

It's not a "this is how you win an argument" instruction manual, but it offers something that's orders of magnitude more valuable: A refresher manual on how to connect, empathize, and enrich each other through talking things out. Guzman, in several instances, points out that we're all so very similar, but we let marked differences create the illusion that we're completely alien and lost to each other. Speaking directly and giving those around us respect and the time of day goes a long way; maybe we won't "convert" as a result, but dignity and respect is left intact (and ready for further discussion). We all learn, and we all grow.

I cannot recollect a more applicable book this day and age that has such wide and direct application to readers. If everyone read and observed the advice of Guzman, we'd be sitting pretty, emotionally, as a nation. Note that I'm not mentioning whether we'd be red or blue or whatever--we'd just function more like a family unit that's allowed to disagree with each other without treating those who think differently like a combatant.

Reading this is a civic duty as much as it is a quest for knowledge. My highest of recommendations and I hope it rocks the world when it comes out in 2022.

Many thanks to NetGalley and BenBella Books for the advance read.

This book is so timely. As a whole, we often have very strong opinions on topics such as politics. Because of these strong opinions, it is often hard to communicate with others. How do you effectively communicate without harming the relationship? What are some tips for respectful ways to handle these conversations. Guzman offers practical advice for these conversations. Guzman offers excellent tips & techniques that will restore civility. This country is so divided right now & we need more books like this one.

I have some pretty strong political opinions, and there are some people I'll love forever who hold strictly to opposing political beliefs... Yikes!

Author Monica Guzman begins this book with a similar quandary- she is a liberal and her beloved parents voted for Donald Trump... twice. While she begins this book with her reasons for wanting to stay in relationship and conversation with her parents and other fellow Americans, the bulk of this book contains proven, practical advice for holding these hard conversations.

While the author is definitely left leaning, she takes care to evenly divide her examples between conservatives and liberals. I think any open minded, curious person will find this book supportive and beneficial.

I received an Arc of this book in exchange for my honest opinion. My thanks to the author, publisher, and #NetGalley for the opportunity.
#INeverThoughtOfItThatWay