Soldier Sailor

He, the son, is Sailor, she, the tiger spirited mother is Soldier who will die to protect him but in the early exhausting, confusing days of motherhood she needs to be ‘at ease’. The two are joined by an everlasting bond but the strain of what she’s lost especially in her former working life identity and in her marriage, leads to a virtual breakdown. Can she return to the woman she used to be especially once she meets an old friend both united in parenthood?

This is one of the most extraordinary books I have ever read. It’s a tough heartbreaker in places but achingly beautifully written. The writing is so powerful the author makes you feel so many of her emotions. When she’s lost and bereft, so are you, when she’s panicking post near disaster so are you, if she’s exhausted, resentful, lonely or guilty so are you. The bond and the laugher she experiences with Sailor is adorable and an emotional gut puncher. So much of this it’s possible to empathise and relate to especially the early struggles are particularly resonant and many of us will nod our heads and say yes, same for me. Some of Claire Kilroy’s expressions are so original and apt and the inclusion of music and musicians such as Bowie are extremely clever. She also makes a commentary on gender, some is ironic, some is 100% pertinent and all of it is smart. At times it times it makes me laugh, there are some darkly funny scenes, often in supermarkets, these are excellent! Through her friend and looking back at the freedom of youth and Sailor emerging from those difficult early years, the joy emerges as does sunlight.

This is a love letter to Sailor, an ode to her son if you will. It’s a commentary on motherhood, it’s struggles and it’s delights which brings with it a life long love even when you’re old and grey. The ending is simply wonderful and leaves me with tears running down my face. This is a fantastic book and a sheer privilege to read.

With thanks to NetGalley and especially to Faber and Faber for the much appreciated arc in return for an honest review.

Soldier Sailor by Claire Kilroy is a raw, unflinching, tender, beautifully written depiction of motherhood and the maternal role.

This book runs very hot, which is to say the tension created by the unique voice here is an entirely different voltage to anything I think I've read. What's it about? Motherhood, really, which sounds like it might have been done before a few times. Maybe it has, but not like this. Kilroy uses fiction to explore the pain of motherhood, the strength of emotion, the depth of fear. All of that, and more. It's a tricky read, in some ways - for me, at any rate - because she somehow manages to verbalise *exactly* the feelings and thoughts I, certainly, had at points when I was a young mother. It's intense, and only as long as it needs to be. Top-notch writing and highly recommended as both fiction and fiction as non-fiction. My grateful thanks to the publisher and to NetGalley for the ARC.

Soldier, Sailor
by Claire Kilroy

Reading this book was my Mother's Day treat this year, a whole 5 hours to myself with Claire Kilroy's story of motherhood, how it catapults you into a world of fear and love and overwhelm and pride and exhaustion and joy pain and devotion and trauma and connection and resentment and obsession and confusion and shame and judgement and never-ending, never-ending, never-ending.....

This story touched me on such a visceral level. It speaks not only of mothering, but also of the colossal amount of change that a woman becoming a mother goes through, the pressures that are put on her physiology, her psyche, her relationships, particularly marriage. The friendships that are abandoned, the freedoms that are lost, the ways society views her, the ways she views herself. It gets right into the imbalance in sharing household and child-rearing chores, not to mention the freedoms that the other half doesn't lose.

Kilroy brings us on an emotional rollercoaster of extremes, from anger and resentment in one chapter, I dare you to deny any of them, followed by the hilarious situations we all recognise, where we marvel at how we ended up here. If you speak fluent passive/aggression there are many nuggets and gems to chew over. We get the full pendulum swing from self depreciation to complete outrage and back again.

I'm going to quote Sebastian Barry's blurb because it perfectly sums up what this book is and it's what drew me in, and might be the best summation of a book that I have ever read:

"Every woman on earth will identify with this book. Every man will learn something urgent to his betterment. It sings with great authority about the wretched entrapment and molecular joy of motherhood...a radiant and fearless work of universal import"

I recommend this to every mother and every father, but I worry that it might have the unintentional effect of wiping out the human race should it be placed in the hands of those who haven't made up their minds about parenthood (or marriage) yet.

Publication date: 4th May 2023
With thanks to #netgalley and #faberbooks for the ARC

I was held captive by this novel, not so much out of pure enjoyment ( although there was much to enjoy in the beautiful prose ) but because of its utterly absorbing depiction of motherhood, and its seismic impact on relationships, identity and the most dearly held values. it had the feeling that tragedy and disaster was only around the corner but ultimately its message was affirmative. A wonderful book. I have started to explore more works by this author.

Unflinching and honest - a book about the fierce love of a mother for her son. Every mother has been there - I smiled at the descriptions of toddler group and swing park politics - and we have all come out of the other end older and wiser. A novel every new father should read!
I’m a grandmother now and I empathised with the ending. Thought-provoking……

I loved this book. A monologue charting the love affair between mother and baby son, documenting the agony and ecstasy of motherhood: the bond-like-no-other and the gruelling fatigue and feelings of inadequacy, the resentment and alienation from partner in the early days. Any woman, with or without children, will see themselves mirrored in this narrative, because we all share feelings of self-doubt and anger at being 'lesser' at times. I highly recommend it.

This is a poem, a letter, a self-explanation, a rant... a first-person narration addressed to him, the Sailor of the title. A baby boy who has become the reason of the war this new mother Soldier is fighting on all fronts with her selfhood, her body, her husband, her baby, her community, her future... We are privy to the thoughts of a woman who cannot cope, whose baby's cries kill her, whose exhaustion is sapping her old person into another one she does not recognise nor like.
A relentless narrative that charts the first three years in the relationship between this mother-soldier and this baby-sailor, with raw honesty, the novel gives us a compelling story of a very singular (yet universal) mother getting to grips with her new persona in a turmoil of inner discovery where fact and fiction, objective and subjective realities mix in a believable and jarring mix. The suffering and anger of Soldier (this young woman who is isolated, who definitely is depressed and yet goes on and on) can at times feel not fit for normal reading consumption - too repetitive in certain images and exhausting in the bleakness, but the artistic reasons for that are sound: we are made to enter a similar vicious circle to that of the protagonist from where to get out seems impossible. But progressively and magically she, we, do.
I am not a mother and yet I found the novel more and more interesting as it progressed and as the narrative, even if it IS about motherhood, allowed other thoughts to enter and be explored, the claustrophobia morphs into other states. Soldier's is also our inner voice heard by nobody (and not even addressed to a sailor) that inner consciousness where we are true just to ourselves is thoroughly well created and the inner rage I recognise... A text (a letter, a diary) beautifully written, with a subtle humour, radiant turns of phrase. An excellent, interesting and rather unforgettable creation. The title is fantastic in all its implications. The image on the cover gives also food for thought.
With many thanks to Faber via NetGalley for an opportunity to review this most unusual exploration before publication.

'Soldier Sailor' is an exceptional new novel by Irish author Claire Kilroy written in the form of a monologue by a mother, Soldier, addressed to her young son, Sailor. Kilroy writes about the day-to-day realities of motherhood in raw, honest, often rage-filled terms.

Much of Soldier's rage is directed at her husband, who uses the excuse of work to absolve himself of most parenting responsibilities but is quick to pass judgement at Soldier's perceived shortcomings. Kilroy writes with startling originality about what it is like to be left alone with a small child; the door Soldier's husband closes on his way to work becomes 'a guillotine severing me from my world. Which is not to say that your father was my world, but that he was free to roam in my word, which we should now call his world, or perhaps the world, an adult place from which I'd been banished. Now I lived in you world. It was small.' When he returns, she asks him about his day and 'he embarked on tales of valour and derring-do from a distant galaxy.'

At the same time, Kilroy depicts the dangerously fierce love a mother feels for her child: 'We all go bustling about, pushing shopping trolleys or whatever, acting like love of this voltage is normal; domestic even. That we know how to handle it. But I don't.' This love is intensified by some of the heart-stopping moments encountered in the course of an ordinary day or night - a bumped head, a dropped knife, refusing to eat, raging fevers, frequent meltdowns. As Soldier remarks, 'this was freelance motherhood: struggling to contain your screams while struggling to contain my own, which were louder and angrier and scared us both.'

It's perhaps worth mentioning that the furious mood of the first half of the novel is lightened by the second half, particularly through Soldier's friendship with a stay-at-home father of three under five (who represents a stark contrast with Sailor's father.) There is also a huge amount of dark humour, often on the subject of gender inequality. 'Word of advice,' Soldier says to Sailor: 'don't leave all your washing to your partner. I couldn't bear for anyone to resent you. Especially someone under your own roof. You might be murdered in your bed.' Elsewhere she remarks that 'Little girls are so much more articulate than their male counterparts. But don't worry, Sailor: you'll still be paid more than them.' And there is an extended comic sequence involving a turnip whom Soldier affectionately addresses as Yorick. Soldier muses that she 'cannot be the first woman to wonder how many vegetables I have peeled. That figure should be displayed on our gravestones: This woman peeled however many tonnes of potatoes, let's hear it for Mrs Whatever! And her husband? Well, he just ate them.'

I have probably included more of Kilroy's words than my own in this review but that is just to show how astonishingly good the writing is. This novel is a masterpiece which should appeal to parents and non-parents alike. Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for sending me an ARC to review.

This is a frank and beautiful love story about motherhood. The only characters named in this novel are Soldier and her baby Sailor. The author captures the stress of being a new mother (being ‘a wounded soldier’) and the changing family dynamics with her husband. It is beautifully written and though often the reader will feel the tension of the narrator there are also moments of levity and humour.

I hadn’t read anything by Claire Kilroy previously and will now seek out her other novels.

Thanks to Faber and Netgalley for a review copy.

What a visceral read! Soldier Sailor by Irish author, Claire Kilroy is written as a mother’s letter to her son. Her account of the life-changing mad blur that is early motherhood. Although lead character, Soldier’s situation wasn’t 100% the same as mine, Soldier Sailor is by far the most accurate representation I’ve read on the churning feelings you go through when you become a mother and suddenly find that your life is dictated by a small human.

Set in Ireland, Soldier is mother to Sailor. I assume her name is a reference to the trenches and front line of motherhood, as such but it could also be a note on gender roles. Soldier Sailor as a title feels very masculine for a book that centres on motherhood, it throws your expectation. Which perfectly reflects the themes and tone in the story.

The book opens on a high drama moment – Soldier leaving her son in the rocky wilds of a cliff walk to do what? Her mind isn’t her own, her thoughts are muddled. Motherhood is unique for everyone. By starting on a moment like this, you, the reader, might think you would never do something so awful to your baby, but motherhood pushes you. What is never in doubt is Soldier’s love for her son. What is in doubt is the actions she might take. This is what makes Soldier Sailor such an adrenaline inducing read.

Sailor is a handful in the same way that any baby or toddler is. Their existence and demands are endless. Soldier’s husband is busy at work, distinctly absent in caring for their child, so she feels isolated and alone in this new, intense way of life.

Claire Kilroy’s writing style is beautiful, very lyrical. It blends tenderness with pain so perfectly. Your heart aches while reading this. Particularly the ending, which feels like a poem and left me wanting to immediately re-read the entire book.

Claire Kilroy has ways of phrasing things that just made lightbulbs ping on for me, such accurate descriptions, like this:

'A new mother is not peaceful but in a jittery state of high alert. We declare her serene so we can leave her to it. So we can behold the glittering surface, remark on its beauty, and walk away.'

Since becoming a mother myself, I’ve read quite a few fiction books with motherhood as a central theme. It’s such a fascinating subject – especially when told from the POVs that scratch the surface and explore the tumulus time it really is.

I’ve collated some of my favourites on my book lists page if you want a few more recommendations. I’ll be adding Soldier Sailor to that list – it’s one of the best books I’ve read for capturing those wild motherhood feelings.

This is a small but mighty book that completely enthralled me. The quality of the writing is sublime and the candid honesty made me stop several times to think, oh, you too. Rarely has a book laid bare the brutality of motherhood. The fear, the shame, and the frustration and the feeling of bewilderment when a small child consumes all that a woman once was. The simmering resentments that can form between mother and father was portrayed so brilliantly. While at times this is a deeply sad read, there is a gear shift towards the second half that leaves a lot of hope and light as the last page is turned.

A truly stunning book that I devoured in one sitting.

There are books that make you forget yourself and who/what/where you are. This is one of them. It'll pop you right into the head of a new mother and her struggles. It made those struggles my own. Captivating, funny, far too real! Well paced, engrossing, uplifting ... I may need to rethink that last adjective, but it made me feel alive.

I was sent a copy of Soldier Sailor by Claire Kilroy to read and review by NetGalley. This is an incredibly intense book that to many will very much read as a true memoir. I defy any mother not to identify at least in part with it. This is a very emotional, well written book – I hesitate to call it a novel – and would be served well to new dads to understand how their wives or partners may be feeling in the first months and years of their babies lives. A must read!

Pure raw emotion, spellbinding and all encompassing.
As a mother of three, one of whom is a son, this outpouring of emotions literally took me straight back to those early days of my own life as a new mother 30 years ago. Such powerful conflicting feelings that we all have to battle with, all of us soldiers, all of us fiercely protective, all of desperately seeking to raise our children to be the best person they can be whatever path they choose to walk. This book literally has left me overwhelmed with emotions and it’s one that I’ll be recommending to all my fellow mother friends. Truly incredible.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an e-arc in exchange for a review.

I don't think I have the skills to give this book the review it deserves but here are some of my thoughts...

This was an absolutely stunning book, I did not realise what I was getting into when I picked it up, heartbreaking and bursting with emotions Soldier Sailor is a love story like no other.

The writing is so powerful that you feel every emotion our MC experiences. There is a poetic flow to this original story of the raw, tumultuous emotions of a new mother who is struggling with the changes in her life. We see her begin to resent her husband because he still has his freedom "but that he was free to roam in my world, which we should now call his world, or perhaps the world, an adult place from which I've been banished."
We see her becoming a mama bear who would kill anybody, including herself to protect this tiny human, we see her feeling the over whelming love that consumes and confuses new mothers!

It was so refreshing to read such a real account of postpartum, not sugar coated, not leaving out parts that might upset people but the real fears the real struggles and the real emotions from over powering love to the strongest grief. I highlighted so many passages from this book, swipe for some of my faves. I've never been touched so deeply by a story, I cried so much at times I had to put it down because I couldn't see through my tears but it was cathartic ❤️

On a personal note, I related a lot to the struggles of postpartum depicted in this, of blaming your husband, of losing your friends of feeling so lost you go a little crazy, my daughter is almost 12 and I still feel a little crazy most days

There is definitely trigger warnings so check them if you like but bring tissues if you're going to read this which I highly recommend you do if you are a woman who has brought a child into the world 🙌