The Soul of Civility

The Soul of Civility by Alexandra Hudson is a master course on how a fundamental respect and appreciation for the personhood of others allows us to thrive in community with one another. By providing readers with an in depth history of civility as the foundational building block of society, Hudson makes the argument that civility is the lifeline of human life. She points out of the ways we have failed one another, all of the ways we use one another to get our needs met, and all of the ways we intentionally or unintentionally use politeness as a means of manipulation and control.

I really appreciated her vast exploration of the ways common decency, courtesy, and politeness have been used as a mean of disarming folx in the margins and how this has caused harm within many of our intersectional communities. Her take on what healing requires using the philosphical reflections of thought leaders was interesting to read and really thought provoking.

This is a great read for those who want to learn more about how we can lead a peaceful coexistence with our fellow human beings who may or may not have very different experiences than us.

Thank you to the author and publisher for the e-arc copy!

This turned out to be a much more enjoyable book than I was expecting. I’ve long lived by the teachings of those two wise philosophers, William S. Preston Esq. and "Ted" Theodore Logan (aka Bill and Ted): “Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.” As I started reading, my immediate reaction was that this was just a very long-winded way of saying the same thing.

To my surprise, it turned out to be a thought-provoking and inspiring read. I lost count of the number of passages I marked for later meditation. The opening is the weakest part of the book, emphasizing that civility has been a concern for humanity for centuries. For as long as we’ve had civilization, we’ve had people complaining that others don’t live up to their standards. But that’s not a reason to shrug it off. We can do better - and, given the state of politics today, we must.

Hudson distinguishes between two very different concepts: civility and politeness. She stresses that politeness, etiquette and the like are all about outward appearance, and are often designed to be exclusionary. As her experience in DC showed, politeness can easily be weaponized to make others feel small and inadequate. Civility, on the other hand, is about a genuine desire to engage with others, benefit them, even if - or especially if - this involves self-sacrifice. It’s about working for the common good, rather than one’s own aims, and it’s about being open to other perspectives, even if we disagree with them.

Throughout the book, Hudson gives clear, simple guidelines on how to live a more civil life. Most importantly, she teaches us how to transcend politics and rebuild a community that includes people of very different backgrounds and outlooks. This can be as simple as not refusing an invitation to dinner even if you’d rather watch TV, not replying to an email or a social media post when you’re angry, or just spending time sitting on your porch with your neighbors.

If I have one quibble with the book, it’s the constant etymological asides. Hudson loves to tell us about the derivation of modern words from classical Greek and Latin, which was interesting at first but soon became repetitious.

It’s a longish read, but I’d recommend it for anyone who feels, as I do, that the world would be a better place if we could all just get along. Hudson shows us that this isn’t just a wishy-washy pipe dream - it’s achievable, if we all choose to be excellent to each other.

Now, party on, dudes!

Disclaimer: I received a free copy from the publisher in return for an honest review.

A deep and thorough dive into history's civility and how it's changed over the years, from Socrates, to Thomas Edison, to even today. So much information on what it means and how to actually do it from one who really, really, really knows her stuff, and yet you don't feel like it's overwhelming. Learning as you go on how civility - a respect for the personhood and dignity of others - a simple and yet profound notion that seems to be missing in today's society. We all could really use a healthy dose of this, so grab this book, and walk it out!
*I received a copy of this book from NetGalley. This review is my own opinion*

I found this guide helpful after attending a party where political discourse was anything but civil. The author distinguishes between superficial politeness and genuine civility, in which differences of opinion are discussed robustly, while valuing other persons and perspectives. Recommended!

"The Soul of Civility" by Alexandra Hudson is a thought-provoking book that addresses the crucial topic of civility in today's divided world. Hudson's exploration of the difference between politeness and true civility is insightful, and her examination of historical and philosophical perspectives on the subject adds depth to the narrative.

One of the book's strengths is its emphasis on personal responsibility. Hudson encourages readers to reflect on their own actions and behaviors, emphasizing that change begins with individual choices. The idea that we can control ourselves and our reactions in a divisive society is an empowering message.

Hudson's personal experiences working in the federal government during a politically charged period provide a relevant backdrop for her arguments, and her call for a robust public discourse is timely and important.

However, I'm giving this book a 3-star rating because while the message is valuable and the exploration of civility is thought-provoking, the writing style and organization can be a bit dense and academic at times. Some readers may find it challenging to engage with the material, and the book may benefit from a more accessible approach.

In conclusion, "The Soul of Civility" offers valuable insights into the importance of civility in our society and the need for personal responsibility in fostering change. Alexandra Hudson's perspective is thought-provoking, but the book's dense writing style may pose a challenge for some readers, affecting its overall accessibility and impact.

An hour after I finished THE SOUL OF CIVILITY, I ran a quick errand. With the deepened perspective on what it is to be in dialogue with one another regardless of where we come from, I noticed our brusque as well as the gentle, surprised warmth in the moment of transaction, of allowing another car to cut into traffic, the standing aside to let a woman with a baby carriage pass. That is the power of this book in its mind-opening, and heart-changing intelligence with deep discussions ranging from ancient philosophers to present day models such as Dr. Martin Luther King. Throughout the guide, I learned a great deal, including the small and large ways that civility is the undercarriage and support for our wildly different and brilliant individual selves in community. Would that this guide were required reading in our education and spiritual programs! I received a copy of this book and these opinions are my own, unbiased thoughts.

Exceptional Bordering On Transcendental, With A Few Flaws. If you, like me, read David French's 2020 book Divided We Fall and were utterly *terrified* of just how real its scenarios sounded (particularly given that one of them later began to become true)... you need to read this book. If you, like me, read James A. Morone's 2020 book (indeed, published just days before French's) Republic of Wrath and saw that despite the paranoia and fearmongering of today's media, punditry, and even citizenry, the US has always had a great deal of heat and vitriol in its civil discourse (and in fact was far worse in earlier periods of our shared history) - but that doesn't mean our particular era isn't pretty damn bad itself... you need to read this book. If you, like me, simply observe and even discuss politics with a "pox on all your houses" attitude as an independent thinker aligned with no particular group... you need to read this book. And if you, like me, genuinely wish for a return to a more civil era - if there ever actually was one, in fact rather than in nostalgia - ... you need to read this book.

Quite simply, Hudson here does for the topic of civility what Morone did for overall vitriol in American politics or Radley Balko did for the rise of the Police State in America in his 2012 book Rise of the Warrior Cop - and that is, bring a relatively full historical examination of the topic, beginning with the most ancient of texts known to humanity and bringing it all the way to the exact context we see as this book is released to the public in the next few days after I write this review. She even manages to look at the topic *globally*, incorporating thoughts on civility from several different major and influential civilizations over the course of history - and not just Western, but also at least some Eastern thinking as well. Along the way, we do in fact see some of the "usual suspects" such as perhaps Erasmus, St. Augustine, Voltaire, CS Lewis, MLK Jr, and Gandhi. But we even see other thinkers such as Thoreau, Emerson, and many others - including cutting edge thinkers such as Scott Alexander of SlateStarCodex.com. It is within this particular examination of the entire breadth of history, along with (mostly) strong applications of each, that this particular text truly stands out from the pack.

And yet, there are in fact a couple of issues, which may or may not be particularly *big* issues, but one of which was at minimum enough to deduct a star, at least based on my own "subtractive method" / "objective-ish" reasoning I strive to maintain within my own reviews. The star deduction coming from the overall dearth of a bibliography, despite such deep and wide examinations and despite having so many references it almost seemed as though there were a popup with some relevant quote on nearly every page! While Hudson has already disagreed with me on this on Twitter at the time I write this review, I maintain that for nonfiction works, particularly works such as this that reference oh so much, I expect to see a much larger bibliography. Even with the discussion in other recent reviews of perhaps revising my target down closer to 20% rather than 25-30%, the fact that this book contains less than 10% bibliography is still rather disappointing.

The other issue is nearly one more of style, but also raises a potential allegation of bigotry: Hudson's emphasis that civility requires looking people in the eyes. Despite Autistics in particular being well known for not really being able to do this due to our particular neurodivergence. But perhaps Hudson, despite her clear knowledge in other subjects, was not aware of this. It is possible, and I'll not clearly condemn her as a bigot due to Hanlon's Razor.

But again, the overall biggest point here, and the reason you *need* to read this book despite its specks of flaws: This truly is an exceptional, bordering on transcendental, examination of the history and nature of civility, with plenty of real-world applications that are sorely needed - and truly challenging for even the most committed of us. This is one of those books that is going to challenge you to be better in ways that few outside the overtly religious texts manage to do, and it is one that is largely going to leave you with a smile even as it calls you out. Very much recommended.

A really important book about civility ,the author delves in to the concept through history .In today’s political discourse there is so much noise so much rudeness this is the perfect book to learn to how to talk to each other listen to others point of view without becoming rude screaming matches.#netgalley #st.martins

Civility: A Cohesive Factor in Society

This book takes a comprehensive look at civility from ancient to modern times and discusses how it affects society. The author draws a comparison between civility and politeness. If I thought about it, I would have said the two words were basically synonymous. However, the author points out the distinction, and it’s important.

Politeness is external. It is a show of good manners. Politeness allows a person to appear tolerant even though politeness can be used to distance oneself from the issue, to be manipulative, and to be condescending. Civility is internal. Civility is a desire to understand another person’s viewpoint, to interact with the person in a way that allows both people to express themselves without vitriol. It is being open to understanding other perspectives.

The author did an excellent job explaining civility from it’s roots in ancient philosophers such as Epictetus to modern thinkers like Martin Luther King whose writings showed the author that there is a moral foundation for civility. However, these were not the only thinkers discussed in the book. One of the things I liked best was the way the author sprinkled quotes from important thinkers throughout the text.

I found this book very helpful in understanding what is wrong and right with interactions between people today. I highly recommend it.

Thanks to the publisher and Net Galley for this review copy.

We live in a time when civility is sorely absent. This was an interesting and thought-provoking presentation of a topic we need to discuss more so we can resuscitate civility.

The Soul of Civility is a thought provoking and insightful non fiction read best digested slowly and read in smaller pieces of time. Alexandra Hudson does a profoundly lovely job of utilizing an approachable writing style to present the reader with ideas that my otherwise be less readily received.