Too Much
A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency
by Terri Cole, MSW, LCSW
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Pub Date Oct 15 2024 | Archive Date Oct 29 2024
Sounds True Publishing | Sounds True
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Description
An empowering new take on codependent behavior, revealing the underlying reasons we struggle with doing it all—and the path to recovery and freedom.
Are you the person everyone comes to when they’re in a jam?
Do you regularly accommodate others’ needs and preferences?
Does it feel like chaos will ensue if you don’t handle the travel plans, divvy up the check at group dinners, sort out your friend’s latest crisis, and so on?
If these questions resonate, the odds are good that you are one of the over-giving, over-extending individuals struggling with what psychotherapist and boundary expert Terri Cole has termed high-functioning codependency (HFC).
When you hear the word codependent, you might think of the traditional enabler framework involving a hapless victim and their selfless rescuer. Terri certainly did. But after years in her therapy practice, she realized that many of her clients were presenting codependent behaviors that fell outside of the classic model.
The ironic truth with HFC is that the more capable you are the more codependency doesn’t look like codependency.
In Too Much, you’ll discover how to identify your HFC blueprint (or why you relate to others the way you do), the source of the attraction between codependents and narcissists, and how to cultivate emotional resiliency, practice real self-care, and much more.
Each chapter includes tips, self-assessments, and exercises to help you transform how you see yourself and the world, avoid relapses, and stay centered in your own experience so that you can relate to others in a healthier way.
“How you feel, what you think, what you want matters. In fact, those things need to matter to you the most,” writes Terri. “By choosing the path of healing and recovery, you are coming home to yourself.” Here is a book for making the shift “from too much to just right,” so you can live a life that’s full of authenticity, freedom, and joy.
Advance Praise
“Too Much reveals how our deepest compulsions to help and heal others can unexpectedly lead us away from our true selves. A transformative read that offers a pathway to reclaim your personal power and emotional integrity.” —Dr. Shefali, New York Times bestselling author of The Conscious Parent and The Parenting Map
“This is a crash course for anyone that can do it all and suffers because of it. With masterful storytelling and expert techniques, Too Much will teach you how to stop protecting others over protecting yourself.” —Elizabeth Earnshaw, author of I Want This to Work and ’Til Stress Do Us Part
“Terri Cole brilliantly expands the definition of codependency, revealing its hidden impact on high-functioning individuals. Her transformative guidance helps you move from constant overfunctioning to true fulfillment and balance.” —Minaa B., author of Owning Our Struggles
“Terri Cole has broken the mold and dared to define a whole new area of codependency—and she’s showing us how to break the chains.” —Steven Pressfield, author of The War of Art
“This book is everything we need it to be—honest, sincere, and practical. Cole dismantles the misconceptions surrounding codependency, inviting readers into a judgment-free zone where shifts and breakthroughs are possible.” —Sarah Kuburic, author of It’s On Me
“Too Much can help you get out of the guilt caretaking mode and into your own personal power and self-care. I highly recommend it.” —Daniel G. Amen, MD, author of Change Your Brain, Change Your Life
“This book has become my Bible! As someone who didn’t know all the nuances and intricacies of being a high-functioning codependent, I feel like this book called me out in the most loving way. Not only does Terri have such actionable and poignant insights but she approaches it with such levity and grace. I will never be the same after reading this book, and suggest it to any modern woman of today.” —Krista Williams, cohost of the Almost 30 podcast
“Too Much is a powerful guide for anyone that has ever fallen into the trap of ‘doing too much’ at the cost of their own well-being. If you are looking for a psychologically backed book that is grounded with real, actionable steps, this is for you. Let the power of this book transform you to being a better you, living a healthier life, and having balanced relationships that HONOR YOUR needs. Too Much is a must read.” —Christine Gutierrez, author of I Am Diosa
Available Editions
EDITION | Other Format |
ISBN | 9781649631862 |
PRICE | $28.99 (USD) |
PAGES | 272 |
Available on NetGalley
Featured Reviews
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I greatly enjoyed this book, both as a therapist and the target audience! I found the writing style easy to understand and relatable, especially the “Loving Reminders” and anecdotes sprinkled throughout. What I appreciated most is that the author provided numerous actionable and accessible steps to enact her recommendations. As I read, I was disappointed that this was an ARC because I have so many people in my life- family, friends, and clients- that I want to recommend it to!
However, there are a few observations that did result in a lower rating. These are pretty specific to my background, but would result in me giving qualifiers to my clients before encouraging them to read the book.
I would have appreciated better clarification for the readers between codependency and the DSM diagnosis of Dependent Personality Disorder. I also feel that Narcissism was not adequately explained and with it being quite a buzzword that is misinterpreted on social media, it would be more therapeutically responsible to define it. I also very much disliked the use of “narc” as shorthand for narcissist, especially because “narc” has a substance use connotation. Additionally, I feel that the author unintentionally alienates part of the audience by focusing on female-identifying readers. HFCs can be male-identifying or nonbinary and an appropriate language shift would be easy to make.
I look forward to seeing a more “polished” ebook version, as the Kindle version I downloaded had very weird spacing, jumbled lines and paragraphs, and frequently stated “on page X/TK” for the included exercises.
Overall, this is a great book and one that I will be very excitedly adding to my office library and recommending!
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The word "codependent" has connotations that many people may reject the term in describing themselves but Terri Cole breaks it down in her book Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency and shows that capable people can be codependent. Cole explains how codependent people aren't the helpless victims that society generally associates with the word by coining the term high-functioning codependent, she shows how these are the people that are constantly accommodating others wants/needs while neglecting their own. Her guide defines the term in much more detail to help readers determine if they identify as a "HFC", while looking at how HFC's are made, how they attract narcissists and explains how to break your codependent habits and establish boundaries and emotional resilience to keep those boundaries.
This book could not have come into my life at a better time! I've been on a self-healing journey and could relate to so much of this book that it was scary. I've always been the person that everyone relies on and turns to for help or to vent and conveniently also the scape goat for all the problems and mistakes- it's exhausting. I'm trying to use the tips and exercises from this book to create boundaries so that I don't have to feel so mentally exhausted and burnt out all the time trying to worry about others feelings when my actions are not toxic. My work environment is exceptionally toxic but where I have to be- so I've been taking applying this book to validate my feelings and create personal boundaries to not allow others words or actions to get to me as much. I'm truly doing a lot better mentally since I've read this book and cannot wait to buy the physical book so that I can take a bunch of notes and share it with family and friends.
While I always thank NetGalley, I'd like to give a special thank you to them and Sounds True Publishing for giving me an advanced copy of this life changing book in exchange for an honest review! I've already spoken about it with so many people and am eagerly waiting for the publishing date!