One of the better books I've read about trauma recovery in general. It not only changed my perspective on whether forgiveness is necessary for trauma recovery but also what forgiveness is at all. Rather than accepting or rationalizing the actions, it simply means to have more positive feelings toward the offender and fewer negative feelings. I also found its advice to focus on safety and shame reduction first valuable.

An Empowering Guide to Trauma Recovery on Your Own Terms

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

You Don't Need to Forgive by Amanda Ann Gregory is an incredibly practical and supportive resource for trauma survivors and mental health professionals alike. It tackles the sensitive issue of forgiveness with empathy, emphasizing that forgiveness is a personal choice rather than a requirement for healing. Gregory's approach helps survivors feel validated and empowered, encouraging them to reclaim control over their recovery process.

The book is especially helpful for those who feel alienated by societal pressures around forgiveness. By exploring research and perspectives from a range of experts, Gregory underscores the importance of agency in trauma recovery, presenting "elective forgiveness" as a powerful option without making it an obligation. Her thoughtful discussion and case studies make it clear that healing can take many forms, and no single path fits all. This guide is a breath of fresh air for those seeking practical and compassionate advice on navigating recovery on their terms.

Thanks to Ms Gregory, the publisher and NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for an honest review

I have read heaps of wellbeing and self-help books and I cannot imagine a more important title to add to the literature. Gregory asks that we be more precise in what exactly we mean when we refer to "forgiveness". Shared understanding helps refine conversations while also allowing us to better understand ourselves in relationship to forgiveness. It is a crucial read for those dealing with the trappings of PTSD, or who were just harmed to the extent that they no longer want to relate to, nor have the capacity to care about the one who harmed them. We hear a great deal about forgiveness as the idealistic happy ending, and I do wonder whether this is the variation of fairytale endings that Disney and others have left us with a taste for. Sometimes however, life is more complicated and protecting yourself is more important (i.e. the best kind of happy ending: the one where you save yourself).

The book delivers an incredible depth of research to remind us (using science and research!) that not forgiving is not akin to disposability. Disposability culture that emerged as symptomatic of cancel culture has received some push back from popular writing so we may bring this awareness and read Gregory's book with some discomfort. Stick with it however, because the reward is a profound understanding of the difference between healthy boundaries and disposing of people on a shifting whim. I'm so glad I read it!

The book reads like a permission slip many of us need to addresss the harms for which no lifetime will be able to fix. I think that any work that allows us to be more compassionate with ourselves, and to tend to our softest parts with a care an offense may have denied us, helps us all be better humans. Not forgiving may not last a lifetime, it may only stand for a season in your life. However, this books offers a clinically informed opinion that I think more of us need to hear far more often when it comes to our boundaries: you need not explain a thing, and can arrive at healing however is best for you right now, as well as moving forward. It is a breath of fresh air in existing forgiveness literature.

You don’t need to Forgive by Amanda Ann Gregory LCPC, is indeed a very interesting and informative book which informs readers about Childhood Complex Trauma and PTSD along with the different types of trauma. Some say that with trauma survivors should forgive those that have abused them while others say that there’s no need to forgive them whereas the author says that it’s the survivors choice to forgive them. As a childhood trauma survivor I have taken the Christian way of forgiveness and offering the other cheek. Since reading this book but skipping over certain chapters about anger, shame, religion and social justice as they didn’t affect me. I have accepted that I won’t receive a conscience apology and I’ve chosen not to have anything to do with my siblings as they won’t apologize for bullying me and gaslighting me as they don’t love me as they should as if they actually love me they wouldn’t have done what they did. I recommend this book to those who have abused, the sufferers and their families.