Never Say No

When a young dad asked pastor Mark Foreman for "one nugget of parenting advice," he didn't expect this answer: "Never say no." In Never Say No: Raising Big-Picture Kids, Mark and Jan Foreman write about their experiences as parents of two boys. Not insignificantly, their boys Jon and Tim are the core of the successful band Switchfoot. Given their commercial success, their musical impact, and their active ministry, the Foremans must have done something right.

"Never say no" sounds like the flippant answer of a permissive or over-indulgent parent. But that's not at all what the Foremans convey. They "hope to move beyond reactionary noes to proactive yeses. Behavior often takes care of itself when we focus on having a healthy relationship." Mark had a epiphany when he sensed God saying to him, "I enjoy you." That realization shaped his relationship with God and with his children. Enjoying children in play, communication, and shared experiences lays a foundation of relationship and character shaping.

As parents, our modeling behavior and reactions to our children's behavior communicate much more to our children than any spoken messages or verbal instruction and correction. The Foremans write that children are watching; the easiest way to influence our children to live a particular lifestyle is to live that lifestyle ourselves.

The Foremans also talk about creating an environment that fosters creative thinking, independence, and interaction with culture. With very little exposure to TV during their formative years, and lots of unstructured play, the Foreman boys explored their world. The Foremans did not want their boys to succumb to "naturedeficit disorder," the indoor lifestyle that can lead to "increased depression, anxiety, and attention problems," not to mention obesity.

I don't remember the Foremans mentioning home schooling. In fact, they write very little about school at all. But much of their attitude and specific guidance reminds me of books I've read about home schooling and unschooling. They emphasize reading books from the classics to modern literature, keeping up with and discussing current events, traveling with an aim toward learning about history, architecture, and life in other cultures, frequenting museums and cultural events, listening to and playing a variety of music, all of which fit in a homeschooling model (and are easier to do when a family isn't shackled by the rigors of a school schedule).

The Foremans' bottom line is enjoy your kids, give them an environment in which they can learn and grow, and model for them the character and values you want to see in them. Be prepared to look for opportunities to say yes, and you will find yourself saying no less and less. The Foremans have encouraged and inspired me as a parent. Hopefully my kids won't be hearing "No!" from me (at least not very much!).

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the complimentary electronic review copy!

Do not let the title of this book fool you! It is so much more than what you first assume, I honestly thought it would be about letting the child run the home and freedom,etc. I could not have been more wrong!

This is a different parenting guide to ones I have read in the past and reads more like a tool to be put into practice immediately. It is a guide, tool, self-reflection and memoir all rolled into one. They let us into their own lives to show what works and what doesn’t. I love how the book opens with the story of changing how often we say no to our kids when they want our attention. Without meaning to, I was doing this to my own children because I had to get dinner on the table or clean up a mess. It helped me to take a step back and see this from my children’s eyes and it was very eye-opening for me.

I love how they share that our children take their cues from us and are constantly watching what we do. We need to show them and model for them the right behaviour. We need to live the lifestyle we want our child to life.

This is a fantastic resource for all parents, not only those who may be currently struggling in their role. It is a book to come back to, underline and memorize over and over again.

I believe every parent (mom or dad) could benefit from this book. The authors mention that you may just want to skip to chapters that deal with your specific problem sections, but I read through the whole thing and thought that the Foreman's philosophy was very interesting, thoughtful, and practical. No, they are not parenting experts; in fact, they flat out tell you that in the beginning of the book. But they do give some great advice on how to talk to your children, the importance of family time, the importance of instilling religion into your children, and the many ways our thoughts/actions influence our children. It is pointed out in the book that "Children are great imitators. So give them something great to imitate." Sounds so simple, but that is such a huge statement.

This book hooked me from the very beginning. In the introduction we learn how the idea for this book came about. Mark Foreman threw out the phrase "never say no" to a group of people asking for parenting advice. They thought he was kidding, but he was not. He goes on to say "Never say no to all the dreams and creative ideas your children have. Never say no to the realization you can become different than your mom or dad. Especially never say no to your kids' requests to join them, like playing dress up with your little girl or going surfing with your teenager when the weather's cold and windy. If you say no too often, they'll stop asking."

I received this book as a free ARC from David C. Cook Publishing n NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.