Confessions of a Gay Priest

Tom Rastrelli’s Confessions of a Gay Priest might just be the most painfully difficult book to read that I’ve finished in my entire life. I realize that sounds like an exaggeration, but believe me, it’s not. And it’s not Rastrelli’s style or writing ability that made this one so hard for me to stomach, it’s what the book is about. The book’s subtitle (A Memoir of Sex, Love, Abuse, and Scandal in the Catholic Seminary) accurately warns readers of what’s inside, but even then I thought I could maintain an emotional detachment while reading it. That did not happen. Instead, I found myself growing angrier and angrier at the Church hierarchy that allowed the things described in Confessions of a Gay Priest to go on for decade after decade. And not only did those at the top, the only people who could have possibly stopped the kind of abuse described by Rastrelli, allow it to continue, they covered up for the criminals in their midst by transferring them from parish to parish or seminary to seminary every time it appeared that the truth was in any danger of being exposed.

This is Tom Rastrelli’s personal story, the story of a rather naïve gay teenager who felt a calling to the priesthood. Rastrelli is a handsome man, and as a young man he was eagerly targeted by an authority figure in his parish church eager to take advantage of his confusion about his sexuality and the role of gay men in the Church. Then, having survived (for the time being at least) that relationship, Rastrelli was immediately targeted by a mentor-priest of authority at the seminary in which he would spend the next four years of his life. These would be four years during which Rastrelli would struggle to live up to the Church’s celibacy requirement while being sexually abused and exploited by some of the very people responsible for his physical and mental well-being as a seminarian.

But somehow, Rastrelli did manage to survive the seminary experience and become a Catholic priest. Probably because he was older and a bit wiser, the new Father Rastrelli began to question the hypocrisy of the church elders and came to the realization that the corruption and cover-up of the predatory sexual nature of some of his fellow priests went all the way to the top – all the way, in fact, to Rome. The lack of support he received from his Archbishop when he exposed what he had witnessed and what happened to him personally, Rastrelli’s desperate cry for help, left him suicidal and on the brink of a nervous breakdown.

Tom Rastrelli’s story is a sad one, and it does not really end well for Rastrelli or the Church even though Rastrelli has now found a second career for himself. Rastrelli ended up a disillusioned man and the Church lost a talented priest. That’s a lose-lose proposition. The thing that still infuriates me (as a lifelong Catholic who has come to feel cheated of his faith in the Church) is the way that the church hierarchy continued/continues to hide the sexual abusers in its ranks, in effect creating thousands of new victims year after year of the kind of abuse that should have been stopped decades and decades ago.

Bottom Line: Nothing in Confessions of a Gay Priest particularly surprised me. What the book did do, is confirm my worst fears and, as a consequence, I sometimes found myself struggling to begin the next chapter. Rastrelli is a frank writer who does not pull any punches here. I hope that the right people read this book and that they are moved to help make sure that this kind of thing is not allowed to happen anymore. But somehow, I doubt that that will happen.

Confessions of a Gay Priest is a must read if you want a peak into the Church and sexual activities of its principals. I found it compelling. I was hurt by the protagonist's experience as a seminarian and then as a young priest. He eventually left the priesthood, found a young man to be his husband and they were living comfortably in the Northwest. If you are intrigued by the sexual goings on of priests it is a must read, if sad.

Horrific, anxiety-inducing, disgusting, but revelatory is how I'd describe this book. Having grown up Catholic and forced to be friends with more priests than I'd care to admit, it shocks me, and I find the behavior in this book completely revolting. What Rastrelli went through with his abuse and the covering up by high leaders, only makes sense given the church's history of hiding away despicable actions.

This is a book about pain in the Catholic Church and the enormous grief and shame placed on one priest as he tries to fight against everything about who he is. It moved me in a way that I was not expecting at all. Several times I was so angry that I wanted to throw my kindle across the room. But if Rastrelli was able to live through this, then I could read through his pain.

There are many triggers throughout the book: sexual assault, rape, gaslighting, and the one to me that's even worse than the rest: the acknowledgement of these things, and then turning and ignoring it. It is NOT a book for anyone who wants to continue to love and feed at the breast of the Catholic Church. This book is about abuse, and the long-enduring pain that comes from the Church's power.

It's mesmerizing and heart-breaking. And I am so glad to be away.

Confessions of a Gay Priest publishes 4.15.2020. Pre-order this book immediately. And I don't make that recommendation lightly.

6/5 Stars

Memoirs are read because you know of the person or event. Memoirs are read because of interesting titles and covers. After a brief moment on discerning why I requested this title, I am still unsure why I opened its pages.

The scandals of the Catholic Church are well-known, almost overly so. The institution serves both as the butt of jokes and as a highlighted example of abuse of power. Tom Rastrelli experienced an interesting life on the inside as a seminarian and as a minister. He lived through ups and downs of the church’s reputation with his own mental health on the line. I admire that he was able to keep his faith through it all, despite his disappointment with the events within his archdiocese. By the end of the book, I was so relieved that he was able to find peace and happiness in his life.

The intensely conflicted struggle of faith and redemption amid the power of the Catholic Church is highlighted in this unforgettable memoir: “Confessions of a Gay Priest: A Memoir of Sex, Love, Abuse, and Scandal in the Catholic Seminary” (2020) is written by Tom Rastrelli.

When Tom Rastrelli returned to his hometown in Clinton Iowa, he was enrolled at the University of Northern Iowa and studying the dramatic arts (1994-1996). Although he was raised in an observant Catholic home by his hardworking middle class parents; he was gay, closeted, lacking in self-esteem, and felt terribly shamed and diminished by childhood sexual abuse. Rastrelli’s decision to enter the priesthood didn’t happen with any amount of ease. As his faith and spirituality deepened, his resolve to follow the teachings of the church increased. Eventually Rastrelli realized he could serve and administer to a parish flock, with the priestly vows of celibacy offering a path towards redemption, keeping him right with God.
As he entered his local parish to study under the guidance of Father Scott Bell, Rastrelli quickly learned that behind closed doors the priests were not the noble holy men of public perception—and honoring the vows of celibacy was a priestly “journey” that wasn’t clearly or directly followed. It was surprising how one priest old enough to be Rastrelli’s grandfather could face himself in the mirror. Rastrelli was advised by Father Scott to watch the movie “Mass Appeal” (1984) -- also to date women and enter therapy designed to address his homosexual orientation—none of which seemed realistic or helpful.

The path that was strictly followed was the “Code of Silence” as the governing body and hierarchy within the church acted in its own best interests to protect itself from the disgrace of all public scandal. In 2001, Pope John Paul II issued a public apology for the child sexual abuse cases within the church that had been brought to public attention. The mistrust of church officials became apparent as members began leaving the Catholic church in greater numbers.
After becoming a priest and serving in a parish, Rastrelli experienced a crisis of faith that slowly led to a mental breakdown after a shocking cold and cruel rejection by someone he had deeply loved. Despite his own difficulties and serious issues within the priesthood, this is not a memoir of judgment, self-pity, or blame but rather of a true holy man that embarked on a spiritual journey that led to unexpected love, peace, and happiness. **With thanks and appreciation to the University of Iowa Press via NetGalley for the ADC for the purpose of review.