'Til Stress Do Us Part

In "'Til Stress Do Us Part," Elizabeth Earnshaw offers a vital resource for couples navigating the challenges of stress in their relationships. This well-crafted and insightful book provides practical tools to help partners protect their bond from the pressures of modern life. Earnshaw, with her relatable approach and expertise, shares research-backed strategies and personal anecdotes to illustrate the impact of stress and how to mitigate it. Filled with actionable advice, this guide is a must-read for both therapists and their clients seeking to foster resilience and harmony in their relationships. From setting boundaries to enhancing communication, Earnshaw's book is an essential tool for anyone looking to strengthen their partnership. I highly recommend!

Thank you to netgalley and the publisher for the ARC!

I took a lot away from this book and it was validating how stress can have an impact on relationship cycles and you feel “stuck”. In marriage you’re still different people with different needs - and it can result in “if only _____, then ______” thinking. However, the author made me really think about how society expects marriage to function while we juggle EVERYTHING on our plates as parents - both working, kids in sports, down time for yourself, time with kids etc. it’s not sustainable and unfortunately we are still pushed this direction in society. Essentially, we are all sick with the illness to “obtain more”. This may seem like an obvious takeaway but the examples throughout the book were extremely relatable - in a relationship or family dynamic. I recommend this if you’re feeling stuck in your relationships and feel you’re taking on too much or don’t know what to do about it.

Thank you to Netgalley and the author for providing me with an Advanced Reader copy of this book; I thoroughly enjoyed it.

</blockquote>"The hard part about being a good couples therapist is that every now and then have to say something a little bit scathing while using a likable tone. Otherwise you're a liar or an asshole." </blockquote>

I enjoyed this quote. It made me laugh and it also made me connect with and appreciate the author and therapist for her honesty and bluntness, both are qualities in communication that I like.

This book is fantastic because it's so relatable, easy to understand and easy to read. It makes you understand that if you're struggling in your relationship it's probably something other couples have and do struggle with and there are ways to fix them together if you have the correct tools, which are provided here. Many of the provided scenarios were things I was able to relate to and/or see myself in and I enjoyed reading the provided feedback and session notes at the end of how to fix each problem both as a couple and individual.

One of the things that resonated with me was what the author describes as your mental load. It includes remembering, researching, worrying and delegating and I think it's important to focus on because a lot of the times tasks that need done require more work than someone who isn't actively taking on the role may realize.

Another piece of advice that really stood out to me was to identify the four horseman- a tool to handle your own criticisms and defensiveness. This tool helps you realize what is happening, a lot of people, including myself and the author, get critical when they get anxious and another tool called "name it to tame it," which is basically just realizing what's going on and putting that realization into action can keep stress, negativity and an argument from arising, which leads to healing problems and being closer in your relationship overall.

In general, I don't have the most positive view of therapy because in the one and only time I have gone, I did not have a good experience and I do not have money or insurance that will cover for me to try to find a better match for me. But I do enjoy reading books like this one that provide a kind of self-guided therapy if you're willing to put in the work yourself.

This book reminds me of Lori Gottlieb, a psychotherapist, speaker, author and podcaster , which is a compliment becauseI also enjoy her work. I look forward to reading more from Earnshaw.

This was a huge eye opening read. Some of it made me really pause and think about things. I’ve been having trouble lately with my stress so this read came at the right time. If you need help with self discipline and reflection this is the read for you.

I actually enjoyed this book. I could tell there was research to back it up but the author kept the narrative interesting by adding a personal touch.
There were many portions of the book I enjoyed but probably the “good enough mother” portion and one other section stuck out the most for me. This is something I struggle with and can appreciate its importance. The other part is how stress is so much more nowadays with all the roles an individual is obligated to play. Roles are not singular anymore, but so many hats one wears in a fast paced world. The physical, emotional, and mental load include unspoken “rules” and expectations placed on someone. This can include remembering, researching, worrying, and delegation. Which individual in the relationship is in charge of each of these? What kind of toll does it play in your relationship?

“in order to avoid dealing with arguments, shut down and frustration, one partner that can “handle the stress” takes it over. In doing this, they work hard and quietly to make sure everything works out in order to reduce their partners sensitivity to frustration. Then once they figure it out—voila—they unveil the outcome only to find their partner is unhappy with it.”
This sentence hit home for me! (And probably others’ as well).

Wow….not a marriage/couples therapy book per se, but definitely worth the read

Material was presented in a very readable way.

Thank you to the publisher and netgalley for this review copy

This was such a helpful and insightful book! Stress is one of the main killers in romantic relationships, and having a guide to overcome it is incredibly important. I feel like this book is a must read for all couples.