The Lies Couples Believe

I believe Chris Thurman has written a brilliant book about our expectations of marriage. The scenarios presented are ones every married couple have gone through or have simply accepted as the way things are. What makes this book refreshing is it not about changing your spouse or even yourself but about changing the ridiculous expectations we place on whAt a marriage should be. After reading this book I went to bed for the night. When I rolled over to face my husband of 16 years I looked at him with fresh eyes. For the last year my heart had turned a little cold believing he wasn't listening to me, appreciating me or that we just didn't have much in common anymore.

After reading The Lies Couple Believe I realized I was staring at the man who knows me and my journey more intimately than anyone. My best friend who I immediately want to call after anything and everything. No matter how frustrated I may get with him his imput completes all of lifes ups and downs. I will no longer look at other couples and ask "why don't you do that for me?" I Will do my best to embrace the sweet simple man who puts up with so much from his passionate and firecracker wife. I am not sure when I started telling myself my husband didn't love me completely if he didn't act I believed he should but I'm glad i it's me not him. I can change me and the inner dialogue of lies I believed. Great book and priceless perspectives.

Thank you Netgalley and David C Cook for the advanced copy in exchange for this honest review.

This was a great book for Christian couples, both men and women readers! The first section allows for the readers to determine which lies affect them most. Readers are then encouraged to start with the chapters they tested highest in believing. It's always a plus when I read self-help type books that allow the reader to jump around rather than having to read the entire book,

Are you experiencing discord, disagreement, unhappiness, or discontent in your marriage? Whether it's just a little, every now and then, or a permanent state, the reason your marriage is less than it could be is likely because you are believing a lie about yourself, your spouse, or marriage itself. In Lies Couples Believe: How Living the Truth Transforms Your Marriage, Dr. Chris Thurman breaks down ten common lies that can diminish or even destroy a marriage.

Drawing on decades of counseling married couples, Dr. Thurman identifies ten lies that he has seen impact marriages. No marriage is exempt. He writes, "every one of us who are married believes all ten of the lies covered in this book. We believe some of these lies more strongly than others, but we believe all of them to some degree." I will leave it to you to conclude whether he is correct. I will say that if you have never believed any of them at any time, you are a better spouse than I!

Here are the lies:

1. The purpose of marriage is to be happy.

2. My spouse can completely meet all my needs.

3. My spouse is a bigger mess of a human being than I am.

4. I am entitled to my spouse's love.

5. Our marital problems are all my spouse's fault.

6. My spouse should accept me just the way I am.

7. My spouse should be just like me.

8. I see my spouse for who my spouse really is.

9. My spouse has to earn my forgiveness.

10. We can reconcile without repenting.

Do you see yourself in some of those? All of those? Maybe depending on the day or month, you have bought into some of these lies. Dr. Thurman's emphasis throughout Lies Couples Believe is fixing your own attitudes. As tempting as it might be to blame marital unhappiness on your partner, you can see by the lies he lists that step one is acknowledging the lie and changing one's own beliefs and actions.

Each chapter (lie) concludes with practical steps to reflect, to apply biblical truth, and to take action. Like I suspect many readers will do, I initially scanned the list of lies and thought I was exempt. Surely this book isn't for me. . . . But I have to admit (as will, I suspect, will most readers), most of these hit home. Newlyweds or old couples, blissfully happy or on the ropes, just about any couple can benefit from reading Lies Couples Believe.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the complimentary electronic review copy!

True reconciliation depends on the offended person being willing to forgive and the offending person being willing to stop sinning. As Lewis Smedes so rightly put it, “It takes one person to forgive. It takes two people to be reunited.

The first thing I think about when I think marriage is the line “What is it good for?” Depending on why you went into marriage in the first place can determine the answer. If we went into marriage to be happy and someone to fulfil our needs, we find out fast that this marriage thing is not what I signed up for. However, in a biblical marriage, God knows that this is not the case and this is what makes marriage a gospel issue. You are marrying a sinner and by the way you are a sinner too. By marriage, we become a team. Many times our disagreements end up being a competition or sides to win when in actuality, everyone loses.

Before you do this study and it is mentioned, if you are in an abusive relationship, you need to find help in a shelter or with family, friends or your church. Never put yourself or keep yourself in a position of danger – that is physically as well as emotionally. That being said, this book is geared more too keeping spouses on the same side.

You are given a test that determines your area of weakness in what lie you believe. Each 10 chapters start with a scenario of a married couple that may sound familiar, the lie is identified, and the truth about marriage that will set you free. That truth then is put to action with Acknowledging believing the lie, Access the cost of believing the lie; Adopt biblical truth to combat the lie. A list of scripture. Act on truth. An exercise for you and your spouse to practice and agree on to combat the lie;Ask for forgiveness.

This is a great tool to use together as a married couple, married friends, church group and even by yourself as I did. This is not about changing the other person or even your circumstances but about changing your heart towards the truth.

A Special Thank you to David C Cook and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.